Chapter two - Cain

I pace my room, bored and frustrated. My father has confined me to border control since Tegwen's murder since he feels I'm unstable, just because I want to find whoever did it and rip them to shreds.

"Cain." His voice seeps around my head like black tar filling my brain. "My office."

This isn't going to be good for me, he's only summoned me like this a handful of times since she was killed.

The first was to tell me he was withholding the Alphaship from me after I may have gone on a little tiny angry rampage, but that was after seeing a girl wearing Tegwen's favourite boots and finding out he'd ordered her parents to give her stuff to the less fortunate members of our pack. But I think, since I'm her mate, retrieving what was hers so I could decide what to do with it, is perfectly justifiable and if a few houses were destroyed in the process, well that's on him since he should have known I'd never allow anyone to touch her things. 

Her parents have left her room alone ever since and I've put everything back as though she's still here. I need it like this, at least for now.

Anyway, the second time he summoned me was only a few days later, to tell me he was sending his Beta, Gene, on the pack visits rather than me, since he couldn't trust me not to start a war. What with my current moods shifting between somewhat angry and downright volatile.

The third and final time was to assign me to border control for the foreseeable future. He sees it as a punishment, but it's helping me, it gives me time to think and to plan my revenge against the people who killed her.

"Father." I walk into his office without knocking, a disrespectful gesture, but since technically I should be Alpha by now, it's already my office.

"Cain, have a seat." He gestures to the seat on the opposite side of the desk, as though to reiterate that he is the Alpha still and I am his to command. "It has been nine months since the unfortunate incident with Tegwen…"

"Her murder you mean." I interrupt. 

Kade, my wolf, is snarling and spitting inside my head, desperate to sink his teeth inside my father's neck and it's taking the majority of my concentration to stop him. 

Since the morning my father brought us her clothing, the evidence of what had happened holding only her scent and his, Kade has been adamant my father is the one who killed her. I was right there with him for the first month and had to be sedated for weeks. 

Gradually my rational mind brought me back, well, that and, after I nearly killed him for the fifth time that month, my father took me to the scene and I accepted that it had been passing rogues but Kade never has.

He blames my father almost entirely, the rest of the blame is on us, me and him. We were the ones who left her alone to pack, I was the one who suggested meeting on the border to sneak away unnoticed. If I'd just stayed, or if we'd met at her house, she would still be here. 

"Cain, are you listening?" My father snaps his fingers in front of my face and I swallow back the tears that he hates to see, before lifting my head to meet his hard gaze. 

Internally I feel a deep sense of satisfaction when I see the flicker of a flinch pass over his body as our eyes meet. I'm no longer the child he despised and beat, no, with the loss of Tegwen, nothing matters any longer and I've finally become the heartless monster he always wanted me to be. 

What he didn't reckon on though, was that in losing her, he'd lose his power over me. Without her, I feel nothing, I fear nothing, and that includes him. 

He's not laid a finger on me since the last time I tried to kill him. I was so close too. He was exhausted, unable to fight back, bleeding everywhere and Kade stood above him, merciless, about to deliver the final blow, until Gene shot me with enough tranquillisers to bring down a herd of elephants.

I thought I was dead. I wanted to be so I could finally be with Tegwen. 

It was so peaceful for a while and I dreamed about her constantly and I was happy, but then they brought me back. 

My father had healed, physically at least. I see it in his eyes, the fear he has in my presence, we both know I'm the stronger one now and I could kill him. One wrong word and I would, we both know it, which is why Gene is sitting beside my father, eyeing me like a rabid wild animal, thinking I don't know that he's got his tranquilliser gun tucked beneath the desk.

"Cain." My father's voice wavers as he tries to get my attention and I raise an eyebrow, leaning back in my chair and waiting for him to get to the point of the summoning. "You need to get past losing your mate. As unfortunate as it is, it happens. It happened to me as you know with your mother, so I understand the pain you are experiencing, but I can no longer allow you to wallow. You need to find a way to move on. We have shouldered the burden for long enough, it is time for you to start taking your responsibilities more seriously. I will be making arrangements for you over the coming weeks, starting with a visit from a neighbouring pack who is having trouble with rogue visits. I expect you to be there and in a state befitting a future Alpha. If you ever expect me to pass it over, I need to know I can trust you with the entire pack's safety."

"Yes, Father." I give the required response and rise to leave, noting the relieved breath that both my father and Gene release as I close the door behind me.

He wants me to move on, to get over losing her. I don't think that's possible, I don't even know where to start. He says he understands but he's wrong, he couldn't have loved my mother, he's unable to love anyone. 

Kade starts pacing furiously inside my head, so I let him take over, shredding my clothes as we seamlessly shift. Running along the borders, over hills, through streams, I barely notice the terrain. It's all memories, everywhere I look. It's like she's constantly taunting me with the reminder that she's no longer here and I can't take it. Kade runs faster, his paws clawing at the ground, as the grief rips through me again.

Nine months he said, nine months and it still feels like she was here only yesterday. I don't have any memories that don't include her, not until it happened. She was always by my side, every moment of every day, teasing me, competing with me, caring for me, loving me and now… nothing.

Kade's legs give out and he crashes to the ground, the pain inside is debilitating. It encompasses everything, ever since the day they told me she was gone, it's been the cruelest, unyielding torture and I can't see a way out.

I didn't even feel it happen, I was unconscious, although I don't know why. They say it was caused by the excruciating pain of the freshly made bond breaking when she died, but I have no idea, she doesn't feel gone. Not really. 

Darius, my best friend and the only person to have risked speaking to me the last few months, thinks it's because there was no physical body for me to get closure. We don't know who it was or what they did with her, without that, he feels part of me is clinging to some hope she's still alive somewhere. 

Goddess, how I wish that were true.

Kade rises to his feet, sniffing at the air and pushing me further back into our head. I don't have to question what he's doing, he's scented rogues and he wants revenge. Even if they weren't part of the group that killed her, he doesn't distinguish. Rogue's killed her, they're rogue's and the need in him, in both of us, to make them pay is too strong.

He stalks low in the undergrowth, downwind of them so they won't smell us and I can feel his anticipation growing. His heartbeat is steady and calm, the only time we feel this way now. 

This is what we're good at. 

This is what we do now. 

There are six of them in total, semi large males, but nothing we can't handle. 

With a ferocious snarl, he springs into action. Even with the element of surprise they're fast, but nothing can beat him right now, not when he's fueled by unending fury and grief.

He bites and slashes without mercy. Fur and blood fly everywhere, I can feel it hit our body, taste it in our mouth.

When four of the rogues have fallen, one tries to run, but Kade's there, his teeth latching onto the runaway's throat, biting down, feeling the blood rushing over his tongue as the life flows steadily out of his victim.

The last one gets away, but only because Kade lets him, knowing he will find more and bring them back, another chance to find the ones who took her, make them pay for what they did. Even if we'll never know who it was, we'll punish every rogue we meet.

Paddling through a stream washes the worst of the blood and muck from Kade's fur, and a hot shower in Flame's bathroom rids me of the rest. 

I curl up in her bed, breathing in the faint remnants of her scent that still cling to the things in her room, willing sleep to take me, so I can dream of her. For just a few hours I can escape to a place where she still lives.

~*~

My body hurts and Flame's screaming through the pack mind-link for a doctor, telling them where we are and what happened. We were rock climbing and we fell. She thinks I'm unconscious and maybe I am because I can hear her, but I can't communicate. 

"I'm so sorry, I was being stupid, I didn't want you to beat me. I'm so sorry, please be ok." She's cradling me, stroking my head and it's nice, even with the pain, I don't want her to let me go.

I feel his presence before he speaks and she tenses in fear, but not for herself. I can feel it from her already, she knows he'll make her leave me and she's worried what he'll do.

"Go home, Tegwen."  My father growls, anger emanating from him in waves. 

"Please Alpha Abaddon, he needs the doctor, I'm scared he might die." She tightens her grip on me and if I could, I would hug her back. 

"Go, now, or you will cause his punishment to be more severe." My father raises his voice and I feel her resolve weaken, she knows what he's like.

"I'm so sorry. I'll find Doctor Grant and send him here quickly." She whispers, kissing my forehead and gently placing me on the ground.

"Get up." My father's voice is low and calm. 

This doesn't bode well for me, so I try to do what he says, forcing my body to comply and using my good arm for leverage. I just about manage to get onto my hands and knees when he speaks again, spitting his words at me like they're poison in his mouth.

"Is that all you can do? What sort of Alpha let's himself get in this state for a girl? How will you protect the pack now?"

He isn't expecting an answer, doesn't even give me time to think of one before the whip slices across my back.

I don't know when I passed out, but when I come to, I'm alone in my bedroom.  It must have been a few hours because my arm has healed itself, my back however, has not. I can feel the bandages sticking to the congealed blood around the open wounds and it feels like they're being ripped open when I wriggle to the edge of the bed.

Gritting my teeth against the pain, I drag myself to my feet, talking myself into each step as I climb out of the window and struggle towards her home.

I hear her voice repeating my name in my head the closer I get to her home, she sounds so worried and even though I hate worrying her, a larger part of me loves how much she cares. She's the only one who does.

"I'm downstairs." She's on me in seconds, running her hands over me, checking my face, my arms, my chest. She gasps out loud, her hand flying to cover her mouth when she finally sees my back.

"Wolfsbane." She hisses and I nod. Only wolfsbane would prevent the advanced healing and dull my wolf, there's none growing within the packlands. It's something that's checked regularly by the patrols. This has come from my father's own personal supply, which he uses to further enhance his punishments. "Come upstairs." 

"It's not your fault." I tell her, knowing she'll blame herself for leaving me. She won't look at me and I know it's through guilt.

"I'll be right back." She whispers hoarsely, hurrying from the room. When she comes back she has painkillers and a sleeping drug she's stolen from her mother and I know what she's planning. She's going to try to keep me unconscious until my back's healed. It's a good idea and I swallow the painkiller quickly. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't." A tear runs down her cheek and I wipe it away with my thumb, holding her face in my hand. I lean towards her, my lips pressing gently against hers. 

She's meant for me, I know it. Even though we're too young to find our mates, there's no doubt in my mind that she's mine.

"I hate him." She whispers and I chuckle, knowing she means it but she's scared he will somehow hear her and punish me again so she won't say it louder than a whisper.

"Me too." I press my lips to hers again, delighting in the feeling. "But I love you."

"What?" She gasps and I keep my forehead pressed against hers.

"It's you and me, us against everyone, it always has been, it always will be." She nods and it's as though I can read her thoughts, her fear that someone else will be her mate. "That won't happen."

"How do you…?" 

"I know you, I know the way I feel. My grandmother believed some wolves didn't need to wait until they were twenty-one to find their mates, they knew it from the second they met. It was like it with her and my grandfather, and I know it's the same with us. You've been everything for me since we were five years old. Look, she gave me this." I grin reaching into my pocket and pulling out a small pink box. I'd planned to give it to her today, at the top of the cliff. 

Opening it slowly, I show her the two thin silver rings. One is filled with coloured diamonds, they alternate red, black and blue, around the whole band. The other holds just a single one of each. 

She reaches out to touch them and then hesitates, her hand hanging in the air between us, her eyes flicking up to meet mine.

"They're white gold, not silver." Picking up the one filled with the colourful diamonds and holding it up to the light, we watch it reflect rainbow patterns all around the room. "The red diamonds represent strength, the black passion and the blue is devotion and eternity. My grandmother told me to give this one to you…" I slip the ring onto her finger, pleased that it fits perfectly. Then, picking up the other, I slide it into my hand, flexing my fingers to see if it moves at all, but it stays in place. "And this one for me."

"It's so beautiful, thank you." She whispers, then as if suddenly remembering my pain she hands me the sleeping medicine.

After swallowing it, she insists on guiding me gently to lay down on my stomach, then pulls the covers up to my waist and slips in on the other side. 

Ignoring the pain, I roll onto my back and wrap my arm around her waist, pulling her into me and breathing her in. She links her fingers through mine and twists to kiss me on the lips. 

"I love you too, you know." She whispers against my lips.

"I know." She kisses me once more then pulls back, her forehead creased in anger.

"I hate that he hurts you." She mutters. "I wish we could be far away from him. I wish we could run away together, away from this pack and your father. Somewhere he'd never be able to hurt you again."

"We could, if that's what you want, I'll go anywhere you want?" It may be the medicine talking, I've never thought of leaving before, but I'd follow her to the end of the earth.

"Really?" She twists in my arms to face me and I kiss her again. My eyes are starting to close as the medicine kicks in, but I try to stay awake.

"When we're twenty-one, we can run, no one can stop us then." I yawn. "We'll start a new life, as rogues if we have to. We can settle somewhere, or travel the world, anything you want, I'll follow you anywhere, Flame."

"Ok." The last thing I see before I go to sleep is her dazzling smile and there's no doubt in my mind, there's nothing I wouldn't do for her. My Flame, my love, my mate.