Chapter Eleven Xeraphina

XERAPHINA

In an instant, a searing pain slices through my chest, causing me to hunch over, clutching my heart. The anguish grips me beyond any pain I have ever felt before, as if squeezing the very life out of me. It’s worse than the pain I felt when I was transforming into my wolf for the first time.

It was wrong of me to reject Cassius. He has been a part of my life since I was born. Cassius has seen me through every milestone growing up. Even as I went through my preteen stages and then became a teenager. Cassius was even there for me when I was shifting into my wolf for the first time. He’s been there for me forever until he got married to Charity. Then he cut all ties with me until two weeks ago. 

Two years without Cassius by my side and the whole time, he knew I was his fated mate. I don’t understand why Cassius has done this to me. He rejected me before I could even understand what was happening. I became nothing to him when he married Charity. Just like I became nothing to my father, because I was born a girl. The girl, keeping my father from his perfect alpha male lineage. Now I’m the woman keeping Cassius from being a powerful beta wolf. 

Oh, hell no! I will not let Cassius bring me down. I refuse to take this beating. Regardless of being a female, I am an alpha female. ‘You’re stronger than this. Don’t let him win. You’ve done the right thing in rejecting him. He doesn’t deserve you,’ I tell myself. A newfound energy welling up inside of me.

With a deep breath, I lift myself up, aligning my posture, and fixing my gaze on Cassius. Intense emotions stretch his features and tears pool inside his eyes, threatening to spill over. His quivering lips betray his vulnerability.

“I am alpha female Xeraphina of the Silver Crescent Moon Pack. Regardless of being a female, I am strong, and this is how I want things to be. I will not accept you as my mate, Cassius. The moon goddess has made one colossal mistake. You betrayed me in the worst ways imaginable. Accept my rejection so we can move on with our lives. Even if it ends with us dying. I can’t take this pain anymore. This whole situation is killing me. It has been since yesterday. You allowed Charity to come in and break my heart further yesterday. Can’t you see that? So hurry and accept my rejection. If we die from this, then so be it.”

“Xeraphina, you are everything to me. You always have been. Please believe me when I tell you I have always longed for this,” he pauses briefly before continuing, “you. However, you were too young.” With a pleading look, he holds his heart and takes a deep breath. “I am determined to regain your trust and prove that I am worthy of being your mate.”

“So you’ve always longed for me, but you slept with countless other women! While you were married, I might add! All in front of my face! You didn’t even bother stopping your escapades, even after I started accompanying you all to rodeos. Cassius, you don’t give a shit about me, or you would have stopped sleeping with those other women.”

“I’m a virgin. I’ve saved myself for you, Xeraphina.”

My eyes fixate on the ceiling as I inhale deeply, attempting to find solace. This intense agony piercing through my chest must cease. Cassius needs to come to terms with my rejection so that we can move on with our lives. However, he is proving to be stubborn as hell. Why can’t he release his grip on this situation? Liberate me from the torment and anguish he has inflicted on me for the past two years. What have I ever done to warrant the pain he has caused me?

“You may not have had actual full-blown sex, Cassius. But your tongue and fingers have been inside other women. Believe it or not, that’s sex. And someone else’s mouth and hands have been all over what is supposed to be mine. You are anything but a virgin, Cassius! Foreplay is just another form of sex, you ignorant asshole!”

“I was going insane, Xeraphina. Charity never allowed us to do anything but kiss. Ever. Not the whole nine years we dated, or even after we got married. Hell, she wouldn’t let me kiss her the night after we got married. We slept in the same bed just once after we got married, but didn’t cuddle or anything. We decided not to mark each other. She went out looking for her mate and I was with other women to get my mind off of you. It was excruciating knowing who my mate was and that I couldn’t have her. I had to keep myself away from you. Being with other women kept me from being a damn pedophile, Xeraphina.”

“It’s too late Cassius. You could have told me the whole truth two weeks ago. There was an opening where you could have told me I was your mate and why you did the things you did. I would have forgiven you, then. But I had to learn that we were mates from that crazy wench you married. I’ve never liked Charity. She’s naturally a horrid woman. I understand now why I hated her and was always so jealous of her. This whole thing is nothing but a heartache. Nothing but a mistake. The moon goddess must hate me. Otherwise, I don’t see why she would have mated me to you.”