Chapter 2: Tainted tears

Thalia.” Mariella interrupts, “Go and see her. See your daughter even if it's the last time please go and hold that little girl.”

“No.” I shake my head, falling to the floor in tears. Mariella saw Arabella and hasn't stopped sobbing since, I can't see her. I want to but it's selfish to have her murderer hold her or prepare her for cremation. “Don't bring or let her near me. I can't look a her, please understand Knox. Leave me alone, you can bury her or cremate her but just don't—”

Knox's face twists with contempt. “How could you even say that..” he trails off, for the first time since he heard I was pregnant, I see him cry. “You know what, Thalia? I wouldn't even dream of letting you anywhere near my daughter.”

I nod, tears streaming down my face while I refuse to look at him. I can't decide what hurts more between losing my daughter or the way he looks ay me. “I prefer it that way.”

“I can't believe I fell in love with you, you keep telling me I'm harsh but it's you that needs to get yourself checked because you're a heartless bitch. Even animals have had more compassion towards their young.”

That's the last thing I hear from him, Mariella runs after him telling me she'll fix everything but this can't be fixed. Mariella knows how much I love him, that's why she wants to placate him into forgiving me when I deserve nothing, not her sympathy not his forgiveness.

THALIA

I don't recon when the minutes bent into hours nor when the hours turned into days but I do know that I'm more broken with each passing second.

The pain of losing my daughter should have remained in that hospital unit but it has accompanied me home, along with the dirty stares I got from my obstetrician and every doctor under Knox's pack.

“I'm sorry.” Mariella frowns, noting how I watch the destructive mess that has become of mine and Knox's hideaway.

I couldn't go back to the pack house because Knox is furious with me and we broke up so Mariella decided to bring me to this place, the place we probably made our daughter in and also the place I found him cheating on me again.

“I'll just tidy up here.” Mariella grins, setting down the hospital bag I had packed Arabella. The apartment is a mess, broken glass everywhere with multiple ripped up pictures of not only me but Knox and I on the floor.

I watch the bag for a moment before I reach down to touch a broken portrait of me and Knox but Marielle yanks my hand away, so fast that the glass cuts me. “Oh, that must hurt. Where's the first aid box?” she winces, watching my blood coat my finger. She hates blood, but yet she's willing to clean my wound.

“I'm fine.” I pull my hand away, wiping the cut on my dress. “Nothing will ever hurt me again because I've already experienced the biggest hurt of all.”

Mariella snickers, dusting the sofa before she drops in it. “That's a bit dramatic, no?”

“It's impossible to hurt me more than I hurt myself by killing my daughter.”

“Thalia!”her gaze flares, emerald eyes exactly like mine starting at me. Not just her eyes but her features too, from a young age, people said we look like sisters and over the years we have become just that. “You didn't kill the baby, stop that self blame already. What if knox were to fall in love with someone else, wouldn't that hurt?”

“Not as much as losing my daughter.” I sigh, wiping my bloody finger on my dress once more.

Mariella nods, watching me with a keen interest. “Okay, but what if he had married that woman, someone close to you and had a family with her?”

This time, I pause to think about it. “I don't care if it's someone I know, you're the only person I'm closest to but you wouldn't do that to me. Would you?”

“Never.” she gulps, a hint of remorse in her gaze. I hate that she's been staring at me pitifully all week, like a hopeless stray puppy. “I love you more than anything, I can't betray you for anyone. Matter of fact if I die you can have everything I have, mate included and kids if any.”

For the first time in nine days I laugh, the sound bitter on my memory. “Okay, if I'm ever out of the picture..” I trail off, careful not to mention my possible death because it makes her weep. “Enternally, you can have everything of mine too but I doubt you'd want Knox.”

“You've made him into a good man, so I would for your sake. In the impossible scenario that you, God forbid —die.” she pouts, fanning herself with her hand.

I force a smile, my gaze dropping to my now stained dress and still bleeding finger that I've kept away from Mariella's view. “I'll freshen up, did you bring me anything to wear?”

Her smile falls, “Knox burnt everything of yours at the pack house, I went to get you something when I heard you were getting discharged but I was too late.”

“Oh.” that's all I can say, because what do you say when the man who pretended worshiped everything of yours burns it.

“Don't worry, we can go shopping. You need more clothes, not stretched out pregnancy clothes..” her mouth falls open. “I'm so sorry, I don't know what I was thinking bringing that up. How insensitive of me.”

“It's okay, Mariella. I was pregnant so you're not wrong, you don't have to tiptoe around me. You're already risking your social life by being here with me.”

“Nonsense.” she frowns, waving off the bad thoughts. “I don't care about what anyone else thinks or what decree Knox puts out I will never let you be alone in such hard times.”

“He put out a decree?” I scoff. “He claimed to love me but didn't hesitate placing a seclusion decree on me and whoever associates with me.”

Mariella shakes her head. “He loves you, that's one thing we all know. You know him better than anyone soon enough he'll be over this and seeking you out.”

“I don't think he will. I don't want him to, we both need to heal from the hurt I caused us.”

She nods, and I'm thankful for that because Mariella never gives up easily on what she wants and it seems she wants me to get back into Knox's good graces and vice-versa. I watch her fetch a pack of crisps from the hospital bag and she taps the sea next to her.

“I'm not hungry.” I tell her, settling next to her but when she starts to tear up I take the bag into my hands and taste the chutney. “It's nice.”

“Eat more then.” she grins, her gaze shifting to the vibrating phone on top of the bag. She grabs it, smiling big. Its definitely the mystery man she's been talking about for years now. “You don't mind if I take this, do you?”

“Go on.” I force a smile, just because my love story shouldn't mean she can't enjoy hers.

With Mariella gone, I do the same thing I did at the hospital everytime she brought me food, I grab a large portion and stash it away. When she returns, I'm looking at my now cloted wound. “So, he's very excited to meet you when he finally moves here in three months and he sends his love and kisses.” she giggles, attacking me with kisses all over my face to which I protest ineffectiveely to.

“Ella.” I whine, and this time she stops but with her hands wrapped around me still.

“Thalia.” she tucks away my hair. “I know I shouldn't have but I spoke to your mom because I know she's exactly what you need right now.”

“You asked her to come here?” I gasp, “She didn't even know I was pregnant, Ella.”

“I didn't ask her to come over I told her you were struggling and needed a breath of fresh air, and a mothers love.”

“Okay, and what did she say?”

Mariella grins, eyes twinkling with mischief. “She bought you a ticket to her and it's for tomorrow evening.”

“What?" I snap, pulling away from her. “I don't need you or her making decisions for me.”

Mariella tsks, “Listen. I know we shouldn't have but I'm just looking out for you Thalia, people of this pack are mad at you because of Khaos. I don't want to have to worry about what they'll do to you when I'm at work, or leave for college I just want you to be safe. To get some fresh air, you were already planning on going to her so what use is it delaying?”

She's right. Maybe being away from Knox will help us both heal. “My passport..” I trail off, remembering how Knox has all my records because he didn't want me running off and leaving him behind like I once did in highschool. He was livid when he finally found me on a plane to a different continent.

“I'll get it.” she grins, “Don't worry about it. Knox is too busy doing lord knows what he's hardly in the house so I can steal your passport and everything else you want.”

“What would I do without you?” I frown, grateful to have found a sister in her.

Mariella shrugs. “Hmm, probably be happy because I wouldn't have forced you into giving my asshole of an Alpha a chance.”