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26. Lincoln
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Always 27. Bryanna
I spent the night tossing and turning. All of the negative emotions kept my eyes wide open. Sadness, anger, hurt, and guilt. So much guilt. Then, with the over bearing guilt came shame. I am ashamed of what I did to mom. I am ashamed of what I said to Adrian.I slept like shit. It's no rocket science to figure out my mood is wrecked in the morning.Fuck, I don't want to come to work like this.Actually, I don't want to do anything today. I want to .... I text Remi to inform her I won't be coming in to the office and ask her to forward any important emails to my personal account. I also text another person but he didn't reply. Maybe he's busy at the studio already. Okay, then. Surprise visit it is. So, on the hunt of some distraction, in the search of a good way to forget, I head to the only place I could get it. After putting on a plausible amount of make up to hide the shame and its tracks—as known as the purple bag under my eyes, I walk out of my apartment a little after twelve.
Always 28. Lincoln
I wake up, and suddenly someone begins to play drum in my ears. My head is pounding. My face is sore. My body feels like I've been hitted by a Mack truck.What the hell? I try to open my eyes but it's a real hard job to do. From the slightly opened eyes, I see my surrounding. This is when I realize I'm on the hard floor of Adrian's condo. What the heck? Then, bits and pieces of last night are coming back to me.Fuck. Fuck. FUCK. Do not want to upset my already queasy stomach, I sit up slowly. Shit. I shouldn't drink. The damn hangover makes everything even worse. I vow to never touch a drink ever again.Yeah, right, my inner self rolls his eyes at the total bullshit I just spouted. Even more sluggishly, I pad to the guest bathroom. Thank God Adrian didn't change anything in the mean time since last night. Or, I won't find the Tylenol at the usual place in the cabinet under the sink.I wash three of them down my throat with a glass of water from the tap. The mirror in front of me s
Always 29. Lincoln
I've been sitting on my ass for the past hour in front of Bry's apartemen door before the elevator opens and out she walks. So gracefully. So enchanting. So beautiful.My girl. The love of my life. The only girl I give my heart to.Damn, she's a sight to sore eyes. With only denim short shorts, t-shirt, and sneakers, she could turn all the heads her way. She easily holds my eyes for these past years.And, honestly, it's not always about the look, the body, or the money with her. She got this ... aura that drawn people closer. I like to chalk it out on her inner beauty.Yeah, my girl is a rare gem in this fucked up world and I even more fucked up to let her slipped through my fingers.And for the first time since I saw her, I realize she wasn't wearing her power suit; the outfit she wore to the office. Why is she not wearing them? Didn't she go to the office today? If not, what did she do?Then another thing clicked.It's Sunday, you idiot.The blinding smile that was on her face when s
Always 30. Bryanna
"What the fuck do you mean?" I ask him. The nagging feeling at the back of my head tells me I maybe have an idea of what he meant, but my heart refuses to acknowledge it. No, he can't be talking about that ....That ....He can't.No, no, no. Not now, not ever.No! He can't be talking about that ... night.My heart constricts. Fuck. Yes, I adored him once, when I was a young, naive teenager.There, I said it. I adored him when all I saw was the nerdy and kind guy, who silently stole my heart with his dark glances, secret smiles, and attentions he gave me behind my brother's back. I adored him enough to make him the one I lost my virginity to. I adored him enough to give him a thing so precious on the night of my eighteenth birthday.That night, he whispered me sweet nothings, he promised me anything.And, yes, he then left me, diappeared into the thin night air, never to be heard, or seen again. He left me alone, used, with a bleeding sheet and—not so surprisingly—a bleeding heart.
Always 31. Bryanna
For days I kept myself busy; with work—two days away from the office were more than enough and Remi's still riding my butt about it—and getting lost in Nate. Despite—or should I say because of—the warning, I seek him when, and to, get off. Yeah, you know ....At day two of waiting in the studio, he begrudgingly handed over the key to his apartment. He said it was easier and less distracting that way. I said I loved it this way.How could I not? I got an address and a key to my boyfriend's cave at this early stage of our relationship! It was, like, a secret declaration or something. It showed how much he loved me. Don't you think? That was sooooooo sweet I made sure his grudge was out of his system with another bathroom break. You know what I mean. Wink. So, my days for the past four were like, work, Nate's apartment, and my apartment—only to change, then back at his again. Wash, rinse, repeat. The hustle and bustle of going to and fro those places keeps me occupied that I didn't h
Always 32. Bryanna
Awkward. This is so fucking awkward. I arrived to my mother's bright smile and my father's tight hug. I know I don't have another option beside to meet them when I come, but I don't think I will come to ... this. They greets me like nothing had happened, like I wasn't the worst daughter on the planet. Like I didn't do something that hurt them. Especially mom. That's why, I think, that's why I can't act the same. My smile is crooked and forced. My hug wasn't as tight. They clearly want to play it cool, like anything I did didn't matter, but I can't .... The guilt resurfaces. Shit. "You look good, Baby Girl." "Thanks, Daddy." "You must be very busy, Sweetie." Fuck. "Yes, uhm ... yes. I was. I-I still am." "We ... missed you," says Mom with a sad curves of her lips. Double fuck. I can't. I just ... can't. "Uhm, yeah. Me ... me too." I clear my throat. I look around. I try to find an escape. I have to get out of here. "Oh, there she is! I guess I have to congratulate the brid
Always 33. Bryanna
I can't believe I said those words. I can't believe I said them in the first place. And, more, I can't believe I said them after a quicky in the bathroom!But, what the hell, right? The important matter is I. Said. Those. Words. I told Nate I loved him. Aaargh. He may not say it back, yet, but he will. I have it on good authority—as known as my gut—that Nate's feeling is the same. He just ... needed more time to admit it to himself, let alone me. I can live with that. Guys always have difficulties on professing their feelings, right?So, yes, of course he will say it back to me. And I can't wait to hear it. Eeeeek! My, oh, my, how I miss my boyfriend.After our bathroom encounter, Nate insisted I went back to my apartment because in the off chance he couldn't make it back to his as he have to finish the recording stuff. I half heartedly agreed with him and sulked the whole time I Lyfted back to the Central Park Tower. But, turned out, it was a blessing in disguised. Because the
Always 34. Bryanna
"You know," he continues, still folding, his back is still on me. "I like you. I do. Because you were always there when I needed someone to listen to me, or when I wanted to just be. I like it because you can be, like, my ego booster." He turns and winks. "And ... I really like the sex. Man, they were really really good." He grabs the folded shirts and puts them in the black duffel bag. "I think I'm gonna miss that when I'm gone."He then starts folding his pants. "But," he pauses and shakes his head. "Nah, I'm going to be in LA, for God's sake. How hard can it be to find pu—. Sorry. Never mind." Nate chuckles, again, then shakes his head, again. "Man." He sighs. "Can't wait to be there and start living the dream."Nate keeps doing what he's doing; gathering his things and stuffing them into another duffel—this one is faded dark blue-grey with a cheap brand emblem on it—when the other one is full. And, he keeps talking. "Seriously, though. Maybe I'm going to miss you, after all. I wi
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