Ama de Leite Profissional

Noelle

The first thing I did when I stepped out of the hospital was hold my stomach.

Just a light touch, like I needed to reassure myself it was real. I had been pregnant for a while now, and I had just finished my weekly checkup.

Even after hearing the doctor say it twice.

Even after seeing the results clearly in front of me.

I should have been happy… I was happy.

But the feeling didn’t last long enough to settle.

Because the moment I thought about telling Adrian… it disappeared.

I stood by the side of the road for a few seconds longer than necessary, watching cars pass by like I had nowhere to be. Like going home wasn’t something I was ready for.

Adrian didn’t like distractions. That was the simplest way to describe it. Anything that didn’t fit into his plans, his schedule, his routine… he had no time for it.

And lately, I wasn’t even sure if I still fit into any of those things.

Our marriage had never been loud or dramatic. It was quiet, structured, and carefully planned.

We didn’t argue much, and we didn’t talk much either.

At first, I told myself it was normal.

He was busy. He was important. He was always working.

I understood that.

Or at least… I tried to.

But somewhere along the way, “busy” turned into “absent.”

And “understanding” turned into silence.

We started having scheduled days for everything.

Days he would be home. Days we would talk. Even days we would be intimate.

It felt strange at first. Everything was always planned, controlled, predictable. But I accepted it because I loved him.

And loving Adrian meant learning how to adjust. Even when it hurt.

Now, I wasn’t even sure if I still knew where I belonged in his life.

I exhaled slowly and finally got into a taxi home.

There was no point standing outside any longer.

I had to go home.

The ride felt shorter than usual.

Or maybe I just wasn’t paying attention.

Because before I knew it, I was standing in front of the house.

My keys were in my hand, and my heart was beating faster than it should. I told myself to just go in and stop overthinking.

The door wasn’t locked.

That was the first thing I noticed.

The second thing… was laughter.

I froze slightly.

Because it wasn’t just Adrian’s voice.

It was hers.

I didn’t need to see her to know.

I would recognize that voice anywhere.

My grip on my bag tightened before I pushed the door open completely.

And there they were.

Sitting too close to each other.

She leaned slightly toward him, her hand resting lightly on his arm as she laughed.

And Adrian…

Adrian was smiling.

Not the small, tired smile he sometimes gave me. Not the distracted one.

A real smile. One with emotion. One that felt alive.

Something in my chest tightened so suddenly I almost stopped breathing.

For a second, I just stood there, staring completely frozen, completely out of place.

Like I wasn’t the one who lived there.

Like I was the stranger walking into someone else’s moment.

Then Adrian looked up.

“Noelle,” he said.

Like he had just remembered I existed.

She turned too and smiled.

“Hi,” she said casually. “I didn’t know you’d be back so early.”

I swallowed the tightness in my throat and forced a small smile.

“I live here,” I said softly.

Neither of them reacted. There was awkwardness in the air.

Adrian leaned back slightly, like nothing about the situation needed explaining.

“We were just talking,” he said.

I wanted to wipe that calm, careless look off his face.

“Of course,” I replied.

My eyes dropped briefly to where her hand still rested on his arm.

She didn’t move it.

I was the one who looked away first.

“Do you want something to drink?” I asked, because I didn’t know what else to say.

Because standing there in silence felt worse.

“I’m fine,” Adrian answered.

But she smiled again.

“Actually, I’m a little hungry,” she said lightly. “I haven’t eaten since morning.”

There was a small pause.

And then Adrian spoke.

“Noelle, can you get her something?”

The words were simple. Normal. Something a husband could say without thinking.

But it made my blood boil.

It came out so easily.

Like I was… nothing.

For a moment, I didn’t move. I didn’t speak.

Because suddenly, everything felt painfully clear.

I had just come back from the hospital alone… carrying news that could change everything.

I was standing in my own home…

And somehow, I was the one who didn’t belong.

I nodded slowly.

“Okay,” I said, my voice betraying none of what I felt.

I turned before they could see anything else.

Before my face gave me away.

Before the tears I was holding back decided to fall.

And as I walked into the kitchen…

My hand moved back to my stomach.

It was still there. Still real.

But suddenly, it didn’t feel like something I could share anymore.

A few minutes later, I returned with a tray and food for Caroline, Adrian’s ex.

I set it down in front of her and sat quietly.

Then, right in front of me, Caroline picked up a spoon and began feeding Adrian.

And the worst part…

He was smiling.

He didn’t even care that his wife was watching. That I was right there.

That it hurt.

I stood up without a word and walked to my room.

Because I couldn’t cry in front of them.

Not even for a second.

And the moment the door closed behind me…

I finally let myself break.