Just a voice in my head

Amaris

 

When I wake next to the creek, darkness has taken over the forest save for the moon peeking through the treetops. 

Getting to my feet, I decide that I should probably try to find my way back to town. Although, it will likely prove difficult since I'm not familiar with these woods.

'I got you,' the voice in my head says.

'How?' I ask, curious.

'Give me control and I can scent our way back,' she tells me as I begin walking away from the creek.

Not far from where I had lain, hidden by a bush, I stumble across the black wolf who had been chasing me earlier. He'd been watching me.

The thought makes me uncomfortable since I hadn't picked up on his presence, but my wolf speaks up, bringing me some comfort.

'He means us no harm, and if he had, he would have taken us having been asleep to his advantage.'

'But how can you be sure?' I ask as I give the wolf a wide berth, walking as quietly as a field mouse, determined to not wake him.

'Because he is ours, as I already told you,' she says this in a sarcastic tone as if she's getting annoyed at my questioning her.

'Don't give me that attitude!' I scold, 'You are just a voice in my head after all.'

With a huff, I can practically feel her rolling her eyes, 'We both know that you don't really believe that. Now, give me control so I can get us out of here. I'm hungry.' As if on cue, my stomach growls, and I chortle out a laugh at the sound.

'How do I give you control?' I ask, realizing that I know nothing about being a wolf other than what I've read in my romance books.

'Just relax, close your eyes, and mentally pull yourself to the back of your mind. That should allow me to take over.'

Taking a deep breath, I do as she's instructed and mentally hand the reins over to this other being in my head. And just like that, I'm a bystander in my own body. Only, I'm not and it's not really even my body, it's hers—my wolfs'.

This is all too crazy to be real—only I saw it with my own eyes, didn't I? In the reflection staring back at me at the creek?

'You will get used to this, to me,' She tells me. 'I am a part of you.'

'But how?'

'You were born this way,' she says, stopping to sniff the air, then taking off again.

'I was not born this way. I was born human,' I insist.

'You were. Your brother, too. Us wolves cannot emerge until your eighteenth birthday,' she explains.

'But, that makes no sense. My birthday was almost a week ago,' I say, becoming more and more confused.

'Yes, I came to you then but did not reveal myself. You were grieving. I did not want to throw anything more at you,' she tells me, her voice gentle, the pain of our loss clearly affecting her also.

'Then why reveal yourself today? I'm still grieving, that hasn't changed.'

If a wolf could sigh, I'm pretty sure she just let one out. 'With tonight being the full moon, and our mate so close, I could not control the shift.'

Eventually, she emerges from the protection of the forest, and I realize three things.

First, I'm a wolf and probably shouldn't go traipsing through town like this.

Second, I don't know how to change back into my human form.

And third, I really, really don't want to go home. It's not like I have anything there anymore to go back to now that Axel is gone.

With a quick shift to my left, I duck back into the trees. 'If you can follow our scent, can that other wolf do the same?'

'Yes.'

'Can you mask it?' I ask, not wanting him, or anyone else for that matter, to find me.

'No, but I can retrace our path,' she tells me, heading back in the direction we had just come from.

'Won't that just take me right back to him?' a mixture of dread and excited anticipation that I don't understand filling me.

'Possibly,' she says in a humorous tone. 'But, would that really be so bad?'

'I don't want to be around anyone right now,' I tell her with a sigh.

'But he's our mate,' she insists, sounding irritated.

'So 'you' say,' I reply, becoming exasperated with the mate talk.

'Do you not feel the pull towards him?' She asks cautiously.

'Do I?' I wonder more to myself than to her, 'I don't know honestly. I mean he's incredibly hot, but I'm feeling so many different things right now, it's kind of overwhelming,' I tell her.

As she comes back upon the sleeping black wolf, she stops to take him in.

'He's so big,' I tell her, looking at him through her eyes, 'and he does smell really good.'

'Yes, he does,' she murmurs back. 'How does he make you feel?'

'What do you mean?'

'How does he make you feel? How did it feel to be in his arms earlier while we were shifting?' She asks, taking a quiet step toward him.

'Calm,' I tell her, thinking back on how it felt to be cradled against his chest. 'Both earlier and now, he makes me feel calm.'

'Good,' she states, leaning her face down to nuzzle his neck.

'What are you doing?' I shout when he begins to whimper and move, making me begin to freak out. 'Please, move. Go. Run!'

'But why?' She asks, confused by my sudden panic.

'Because I want to be alone. To figure all of this out and wrap my head around everything,' I tell her as she quietly steps back from him. When she continues to the stream, stepping into it to cross, I continue speaking. 'I'm not ready to face him yet.'