005 | I know you better than anyone

Stephen’s POV

Losing Michael was like a knife to the gut. My lip wobbled as I crouched down beside his wolven body, my hand reaching for his soft brown fur. 

“Here,” Rhiannon rasped, passing me a raggedy bunch of drooping snowdrops. They looked almost as dead as he did. Goddess, what was wrong with me? How could I even be thinking such dark jokes right now? Tears blazed in my eyes, but I was quick to blink them away.

I was struggling to manage the dual fire of my emotions and Rhi’s. Hers were turbulent, more potent than any of my own had ever been. As I took the depressing bunch of flowers from her, I brushed my fingertips over her knuckles and held them there for a moment. My heart pulsed with wanton need – not for sex, but for comfort. I wanted to hold her, to be held, and to forget about all of this for a while.

Finding out we were mates had been one bright star amongst a heap of shit. In some ways, I counted myself pretty dang lucky – none of my family had died in the brutal war between our pack and Moon Chasm three years ago, which most of the other wolves in Night Wind couldn’t say. Not only that, but I’d found a second family amongst Rhi, Cin, and their dad. I slotted in there as if I’d been born to be with them. Now I was Rhi’s true mate, I knew why.

But that didn’t stop the Eternal Winter from trying to drag my optimistic heart down. The cold played havoc on Nana’s joints, and as Omegas none of us had eaten more than the odd scrap in the last year. Rhi and Cin’s birthday cake had been one heck of a treat – one that I’d eaten because they would’ve thought it odd if I hadn’t, but with every guilt-laden mouthful my thoughts had been with my starving family.

Early this morning, before Rhi and I had left for the hunt, I’d been alone in the kitchen with her twin sister, Hyacinth. Despite the fact we’d gorged ourselves on the birthday cake, there had still been a good third of it left. Her throat had bobbed as she’d met my gaze, and she’d ducked her head, white-blonde hair spilling forward and veiling her face.

My heart had been pounding hard, still thumping away from the raw excitement of mating with Rhi. My adrenaline had given way to ecstasy when that perfect, beautiful moment had befallen us, and my heart had thundered hard enough to shatter my ribcage. I’d never felt anything like it. I could’ve died happy as Rhi had kissed me, her familiar lips tasting sweeter than ever as a faint buzzing sounded in my ears. 

Hyacinth had seen me eyeing the last of the cake. It was theirs, a gift from their pa for their birthdays, but…

“Take some,” she’d said softly. “Take it all. We’ve had plenty.”

I’d just opened and closed my mouth like a fool. Cin had cracked a smile then, but something else, something other than amusement, had lurked in her pale eyes. “You want it for your family, right?”

I’d finally managed a nod. In silence I’d watched as she’d wrapped it up in a cloth, my heart thud-thud-thudding away the whole time. Distantly, I could feel Rhi’s drowsiness spilling through our new bond, and I’d smiled. She’d never liked waking up, but she did like being up early.

Cin had pressed the parcel into my hands. Finally I’d found my voice. “Thanks, Hyacinth. Oh – and happy birthday!” I’d nudged her, glee over my mate bond making me giddy. Tingles shot up my elbow where I’d touched her. 

“Thanks, Stephen.” She’d pursed her lips. “You’d better take the cake quickly. My belly is starting to rumble.”

“Oh – I – you should keep it. It’s your birthday.” I’d tried to give it back to her, but she’d sidestepped me neatly.

“Shut up. I’m joking.” She’d winked, and then shooed me away with her hands. 

My family had been hesitant to accept the cake, but their hunger had won out over their needless guilt. With the disappointment of my parents’ hunting trip hanging over their heads, they’d needed the sustenance and the pick-me-up that the birthday cake had provided.

I’d really thought we’d find something on the hunt today. I’d enjoyed feeling Rhi’s overwhelming emotions of passion and desire and longing, the spike of them making me shiver, but the rest of the hunt had been a heck of a disappointment.

And now this. I pulled Rhi to my side, wrapping an arm around her firmly. 

‘Poor Michael,’ murmured my wolf, Brian. ‘He was a good man.’

Michael had been one of the few Warrior Wolves to bother with us Omegas. He’d even trained the worst of us personally, eager to help us avoid the scathing, mocking remarks of the others on the training grounds. That was what he’d said, anyway. We all knew, deep down, that it was to keep us alive should another war break out.

‘He was,’ I echoed weakly, standing up and leaving the snowdrops resting against his fur. He looked peaceful; he could’ve been sleeping. I pictured his eyes opening, his jaw lolling into an easy grin…

But his eyes did not open, and his mouth did not grin.

“I’m sorry,” Rhi muttered, pulling away from me, “I have to go.”

* * *

“Rhi? Rhiannon?” I called out after her, jogging to catch up.

“You don’t have to come,” she called back to me, not even turning to look. I could feel her uncertainty through the mate bond, though, and that settled things. She needed support in this – whatever this might turn out to be. 

“Yeah, I do.” I snagged her arm and fell into step with her. “You aren’t sure about this.”

She gave me a sideways glance and, heck, my heart dang near combusted. With her silver hair and grey eyes, Rhi had always cut a striking figure. Paired with bronzed skin and the heavy eyeliner she always wore, she looked like some sort of vengeful goddess or spiteful fallen angel. Right now, her small, slightly upturned nose was creased, and her full lips, which were red from how much she’d nibbled at them, were pursed. 

Even if I hadn’t been able to feel her emotions through our mate bond, I knew her well enough to know she wasn’t okay. “Is it Michael?” I pressed.

She sighed, running a hand through her hair. It got caught in a tangle; she wrenched it free with a snarl. “It’s everything,” she snapped.

That stung. No matter how bad things got, I’d never say everything was wrong. Not when she was a part of my everything. “Even me?” I asked, wincing before she’d even answered.

Another sigh. “No, it’s not you.” Her expression softened slightly, and she slowed. “This might sound… odd.”

“Hit me.” She lifted a hand in jest, but let it drop before even committing to pretending to slap me. She sighed for a third time, and I really started to worry. Pulling her gently to a halt amongst the bony branches and snow-covered grass of what used to be a vibrant wildflower garden, I said, “Tell me.”

“My birthday always makes me think…” She cut herself off, shaking her head. She chewed on the inside of her cheek, her grey eyes drifting up to the endless blue bowl of the sky, broken this afternoon by the ominous clouds of a snowstorm to come, and then tried again. “Seeing Michael like that, I…”

I didn’t interrupt or try to guess what she was trying to say, even though I was pretty sure I already knew. 

And part of me thought it was callous. Even thinking that made my heart clench guiltily, but… it was true. Rhi, despite being incredibly kind-hearted, could also be short-sighted. And by short-sighted what I really meant was selfish.

‘You did not,’ gasped Brian.

‘Stop listening in, bud. It’s creepy.’

‘Don’t call me bud. I’m not some young and hip skater dude.’

‘You’re literally twenty.’

‘In body, perhaps, but not in soul.’ 

‘We were born at the same time. I don’t get why you like to pretend you’re, like, ninety.’

‘It’s not pretending for me. It’s how I feel.’

‘And I don’t judge you for that – so don’t judge me for my thoughts. Thoughts you shouldn’t even be privy to. I don’t listen in on your ramblings about ancient castles or whatever history documentary you last watched.’

‘The rose-tinted glasses of matehood already turning clear, are they?’ he said, ignoring my remarks in favour of giving me (what he would call) a good talking to.

‘What? No.’

‘You’ve never thought anything bad about Rhiannon before.’ He sighed dreamily. ‘And I certainly haven’t had any ill feelings about that foxy wolf of hers. What a catch!’

‘Ew, gross.’ I wrinkled my nose.

Rhiannon blinked at me. Then she smiled in understanding and said, “Hi, Brian.”

“No, don’t let him distract you, too.”

‘You can be so mean sometimes, Stevie,’ cooed Brian.

‘Don’t call me that!’

“It’s okay,” said Rhi. “I can’t word what I wanted to say, anyway.”

It was my turn to sigh. “Seeing Michael… like that, on your birthday, made you wonder about your mother. If she’s dead, or alive, or if she’d care if you died, or if your dad would have told you if she had.”

She frowned at me. “How–”

“I’m your mate. I know you better than anyone.”

I took her hands in mine and squeezed. Snowflakes started to spiral through the air, blowing on a bitter wind that hadn’t existed moments ago. A shiver wracked through her.

“Come on,” I murmured, holding back a shudder of my own, “let’s get inside.”

“Yes.” Her voice had a core of steel. “I think it’s time I spoke to my dad.”