4.

LYSSANDRA  

“Lyssandra, how many times will I warn you?” Doctor Michelle sighs.

She's disappointed again. My vitals are reading high levels of stress, but it's not like I expected to go home and find my husband's cheating.

“I promise, I'll do better,” I promise again.

I've made this promise three times this month already, and Michelle isn't accepting it.

“We might have to keep you at the hospital if your stress signals are this high when you're back for your next test.”

There's a warning in her voice, and I know she's serious.

I promise to stop stressing, and I leave. The drive home is a blur, because again, I'm thinking.

About Erden. I haven't seen him in years, and though I'd said no to Riley’s idea, I know he would be the perfect person to help me.

Arriving home, I know something’s wrong the moment I pull into the driveway.

I know it because Cade’s car is here.

Of course it is.

I kill the engine, and sit for a second.

My head is throbbing again, that dull, pulsing pain behind my eyes, and it gets worse the moment I unlock the front door.

Cade is on the couch, but worsez beside him is Sadie.

Her legs are crossed, her blonde hair tucked delicately behind her ears.

She stands, her lips curving into a nervous little smile. Her flat stomach flows to hips that are just wide enough to be sensual.

Sadie was my secretary. My friend, my right hand.

She knew everything. She  typed out the emails I sent to investors while crying in the bathroom stall as I puked out my guts  

She probably reminded Cade of my birthday.

She’s sitting beside Cade on the couch, and they look like a fucking family.

Her legs are crossed at the ankle like she owns the place, and Cade, he looks up and has the audacity to smile.

“Lyssandra,” he says calmly, like he didn’t just take a dump in the middle of my existence.

Her red lipstick is smudged at the corner, like someone’s lips had been on it recently.

My stomach rolls.

“I gave you the keys,” I narrow my eyes. “Which means I can take them back. Why are you here, Cade?”

“It’s my house,” he says, like that’s not the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard in my life. “Until the divorce is finalized, I have every right to be here.”

The nerve of this man.

“You lost every right when I found Arch on top of you, while you moaned like a p**n star. And since you fucked my secretary.”

Sadie blinks rapidly. I can see she wasn’t expecting this.

She looks up at me like a kicked puppy, and moans sadly. “Lys…that's so vile.”

Cade’s hand immediately touches the small of her back like he’s defending her.

He’s defending her, not his wife, but why would he defend me when he'd been so casually getting choked by Cade on my couch.

She looks between us, flustered. “I…I’m not sure this kind of environment is good for the child,” she says, placing a hand on her stomach. “I’m feeling nauseous. Stress isn’t good for the baby.”

The word hits me like a rock. The… what?

No, no, no, no.

A scream builds in my chest, but it doesn’t make it out.

There’s a buzzing in my ears, and it's awful.

“The child?”

 I walk forward instead, and slap Cade across the face so hard my palm stings with the force of it.

He doesn’t flinch. His jaw tightens, but he takes it.

I turn to Sadie, and point back at the door. “Get. Out.”

Sadie stands, holding her stomach like I might physically attack her.

She blinks fast, and her eyes start to shine. “It’s not what you think, I swear, Lyss. Cade, didn’t you tell her?”

I scream it this time. “Get out of my house!”

She stumbles toward the door, and runs out.

I walk around Cade who doesn't say a word, straight into the bedroom, undress, and step into the shower without another word.

Hot water fogs the window around me as I scrub every inch of my skin, harder than I need to.

I stand under the water until my legs shake, until the pain in my chest becomes dull.

How many more betrayals do I need before I finally snap? Not a lot more. I can't stand this anymore.

I step out, tying a towel around my body.

Cade is there in my room.

Water rolls down my neck as I stop in place.

Cade doesn’t look away. He just folds his arms and lets his eyes drag over me.

My fingers tighten around the towel, and I wish I had a bigger one.

He smirks. “Don’t bother, Lyssandra. I wouldn’t sleep with you if you begged me.”

The words are harsh, almost like a slap against my face, but his voice is soft, sympathetic, even concerned for me.

“You’d die, Lyssandra,” he says. “A full orgasm might stop your heart. We both know it. We can't risk it.”

My throat closes. Because he’s not wrong.

The medication makes my chest tight, and the last time I kissed him really hard, I got breathless, and I needed an inhaler and a long nap.

I still hate him. I want to hate him, but he knows me too well. Cade is callous, but he's still the person who knows me the most, aparr from Riley.

“What do you want?” I whisper.

He walks over, and takes my hand. I snatch it back.

He takes it again, slower this time, and presses a kiss to my knuckles.

My stomach flips, my heart racing.

No.

His arms slide around my waist and my breath catches. When his lips brushes mine, I don’t pull away fast enough.

My toes curl. Goodness, Cade can kiss.

He always could. He kisses like someone who knows the body he’s touching, as though he’s memorized every inch of my body and would never forget.

But those lips have kissed Sadie, and Cade, and who knows who else.

I shove him away hard. My breathing is harsh, almost ragged. “What do you want, Cade?”

He looks at me. Really looks, then sighs. “I want a family.”

I say nothing.

“Sadie is our surrogate,” he says. “The baby is ours. Yours and mine. We froze embryos last year, don’t you remember? I was going to tell you, but everything’s been so…”

He stops, his eyes close and when they open, they're tears in them. I stare at him.

A part of me wants to believe it. Another part wants to throw up at the performance.

He's playing me like a violin, and I'm falling for it.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “Please forgive me. I swear to you, I will never cheat on you again.”

The worst part is, I can’t tell which part of that is true. And which part is just another performance.