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Chapter 11
Last Updated:
2025-11-08 22:07:07
Latest chapter
Appealing To His Gaze 70
DEVIN.A week passes and it doesn’t soften anything. It just stretches the pain thinner until it’s everywhere, like I’ve been skinned and forced to live anyway. Every hour feels the same. I don’t wake up refreshed, I just surface from one kind of numb into another. I keep thinking there should be a moment where my body realizes Aiden is gone and adjusts. It never does. It just keeps waiting, stupid and hopeful, like I trained it wrong.I stop eating first. Not deliberately. I sit in front of plates and stare at them until the smell turns my stomach. When I try to force it down, my throat closes. My body rejects it like it’s foreign. Like it doesn’t deserve to be fed when the person who mattered most to it isn’t here anymore. I tell myself I’ll eat later. Later never comes.Sleep goes next. Or maybe it goes first and I just don’t notice. I lie in bed for hours, eyes open, staring at ceilings, at corners, at nothing. My mind loops relentlessly—what I said, what he said, what I should’ve
Appealing To His Gaze 69
AIDENI haven’t stopped moving since I got here. That’s the first thing that hits me every time I become aware of myself again. Not where I am. Not what I’ve done. Just the fact that my body refuses to settle, like if I stop, something worse will catch up to me. The room feels wrong in a Foreign hotel. Neutral colors meant to offend no one, comfort everyone, and somehow they do the opposite.Thick curtains pulled shut even though it’s still daytime. My suitcase is open on the bed, clothes half unpacked, folded and unfolded again without purpose, like my hands needed something to do so they wouldn’t reach for my phone.I pace from the window to the desk to the bed and back. Over and over. The same steps, the same path, like if I repeat it enough times it will start to make sense. My fingers twitch. My jaw aches from being clenched too long. My chest feels tight, heavy, like something is pressing inward, something that won’t let me take a full breath. I keep thinking if I inhale deeply
Appealing To His Gaze 68
DEVINS POV.I swore I’d never step foot in Festus’s house again.I said it years ago, out loud, drunk and furious and bleeding from a fight that never should’ve happened. I remember pointing at the place like it was cursed ground, telling Timone if he ever dragged me back here it’d be because I was dead or desperate. Turns out desperation counts.The door closes behind me and the sound lands wrong in my chest. Too final. Too quiet. The house smells like coffee and wood polish and something citrusy that doesn’t belong to me. Festus’s place has always felt like a territory line I wasn’t supposed to cross. Clean. Controlled. Everything I’m not right now.I stand there longer than necessary, hands shoved in my pockets, jaw tight, trying not to think about how I don’t actually have anywhere else to go.Timone notices. Of course he does. He always notices.“I’m sorry,” he says, low, careful. “I know you hate this place. I know you said you never wanted to come back here.”I let out a breath
Appealing To His Gaze 67
DEVINS POV.“I love Aiden,” I say, and I don’t pause, don’t soften it, don’t give her time to brace because I’ve been bracing for years and I’m done carrying that weight alone.“I don’t love you, Stella. I never did. I tried to convince myself I could, that it would come with time, that marriage would fix something that was already broken in me, but it didn’t. It just made the lie heavier. If you need the truth stripped bare, then here it is: I've been gay my entire life. This didn’t start with him. It didn’t start last year or last month or whenever the rumors decided to crawl out of the gutter. I was born this way, and I buried it because it was easier to be the son, the husband, the partner everyone expected than to be honest.”She doesn't move at first. Just stares. Like she’s watching something collapse in slow motion and can’t look away. Her lips part, then press together again, like she’s tasting every word, weighing how much damage they’ve already done. I can see the anger bu
Appealing To His Gaze 66
DEVIN.I woke up to noise, I didn’t open my eyes at first because my head was pounding and my body felt pinned, heavy, wrong, the whispers kept going anyway.“—that’s him.”“I know.”“I thought he died.”“Well obviously not.”I opened my eyes. I saw White ceiling. Hospital lights. Curtains half pulled. Two nurses standing just outside my room, angled toward each other, heads close. One of them noticed my eyes were open and stopped talking mid-word. They both looked at me like I’d caught them doing something dirty.I swallowed. My throat burned. “Morning.”Neither answered. They exchanged a look. One nodded. They walked off together and started whispering again the second they were a few steps away. My heart started racing. I lay there staring at the doorway, jaw tight, chest feeling too small.Another nurse passed by. I tried again. “Hey.”She smiled without stopping. “Morning.” Already gone. They were avoiding me. All of them. Talking around me. Like I wasn’t supposed to be consciou
Appealing To His Gaze 65
DEVINS P.O.VI woke up before my eyes opened.There was a tightness in my chest, like the kind that didn't come from a bad dream but from something real and waiting. My body felt coiled, restless, the way it feels when it's been bracing itself all night for impact. When the phone on the nightstand started vibrating again, I didn't jump. I already knew it was there. I already knew it wasn't going to stop.I cracked my eyes open and stared at the ceiling for a second, breathing slow, trying to convince myself I was still half-asleep. The early morning light barely filtered through the curtains, soft and pale; the world outside was still quiet. Inside my chest, though, everything was loud.I reached for the phone.The screen flickered on, and my stomach dropped so hard it felt like I might actually be sick.My father had called a lot.Not one missed call. Not two. A long list, stacked on top of each other, like he'd been calling all night and only stopped when exhaustion or rage finally wo
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