Chapter 10 – What We Shouldn’t Be

POV: Avery

The room still smelled like him; faint cologne, skin, and something deeper that clung to the air like unfinished words. Sharp, masculine, familiar, the kind of scent that lingered on my sheets long after he was gone.

Alex’s hand had pressed against the small of my back, keeping me anchored as his lips trailed heat down my neck. My fingers tangled in his shirt, clutching it like I needed it to breathe. Every time he kissed me, the world blurred a little more, until it didn’t matter who I was betraying. Until the thought of her stopped hurting.

“Alex…” I whispered, half a moan, half a warning.

“We shouldn’t…”

He silenced me with another kiss. It was deeper this time, desperate, as though he could chase away the guilt with his tongue. The sheets rustled beneath us. My mind spun between pleasure and panic, between wanting him and hating myself for it.

Somewhere in the distance, I thought I heard a car door shut. Probably just a student getting back late. Nothing unusual. Still, my pulse quickened. He felt it, he always did.

His lips slowed, his voice dropping low near my ear.

“She won’t know,” he murmured, his breath hot. “Not if we’re careful.”

My stomach twisted at the memory of that word, ‘she.’

Seraphina.

My best friend. The girl who had always had everything, grace, money, adoration, and somehow still looked at the world like it owed her more. I used to admire her. Then envy took root. It was something low and quiet at first, then it got louder each day I watched her live a life that seemed untouchable.

And Alex… he’d been the one thing she never thought she could lose.

Now here he was, pressed against me, whispering my name like it meant salvation.

I bit back a sound as he lifted my chin, forcing my gaze to his. His eyes, deep, dark, conflicted, searched mine as if trying to convince himself that this was worth the sin.

“Tell me to stop,” he said hoarsely.

I never did. Because I couldn’t.

Instead, I reached for him, pulling him down again, my lips parting under his. The air felt thick, too heavy to breathe. His hands slid under my shirt, and my thoughts scattered like glass shattering. Every second stretched, fragile, dangerous.

Somewhere in my head, guilt screamed her name. Seraphina. But my body only knew his.

He groaned softly against my skin. “You drive me insane.”

“And you’ll get us both caught,” I whispered, though the words came out like a plea, not a warning.

A breathless laugh escaped him. “Then maybe we should stop.”

But neither of us moved.

The world had shrunk to the rhythm of our breathing, the creak of the bed, the quickening heartbeat pounding in my ears. I pressed my hand to his chest, feeling it race beneath my palm, too fast, too alive.

I wanted to believe this was real. That he wanted me for me, not because I was the closest thing to what he couldn’t have.

I was still lost in that thought when a faint sound reached us, muffled, distant. A soft click, like a door handle shifting.

My breath hitched. “Did you hear that?” I whispered.

Alex froze, his gaze snapping toward the door. For a heartbeat, neither of us moved. The only sound was the shallow rise and fall of our breathing.

“It’s probably nothing,” he said, though his voice wasn’t steady.

I sat up slightly, clutching the blanket to my chest. The sound came again, faint footsteps in the hall. My pulse thundered in my ears.

“Alex,” I hissed. “Someone’s there.”

He turned toward me, tension in his jaw. “Calm down. She said she was staying home tonight.”

But even as he said it, doubt flickered in his eyes.

I wanted to believe him, I really did. But the universe had a cruel sense of timing, and guilt never stayed hidden for long.

My gaze darted to his discarded shirt on the floor. “You should go.”

“And walk past her at the door?” he muttered. “No chance.”

The air between us thickened with dread. He reached for me again, as if to pull me back into that temporary oblivion, but I pressed my palm against his chest, stopping him.

“Alex,” I whispered, “if she finds out…”

“She won’t.” His tone was firm, but his hand trembled slightly as he brushed a lock of hair from my face. The gesture was too tender, too dangerous.

“Do you even love her?” I asked before I could stop myself.

He hesitated, that single heartbeat of silence louder than any answer. Then he said, “I thought I did.”

Those words still burned in my memory. Ice and fire all at once.

Then his phone vibrated. Seraphina.

My breath hitched. I didn’t hear what she told him, but Alex left in a rush.

One phone call from Seraphina, and everything between us shattered back into silence.

He hadn’t even met my eyes as he buttoned his shirt. “She sounds upset,” he’d said, as if that excused the way he’d just torn himself out of my arms.

And then he was gone, door closing, footsteps fading down the hall.

I sat there for a long time, staring at the empty space he’d left behind. My body still hummed with his absence, my mind spiraling between anger and shame.

I should have hated her. Seraphina, my best friend. The perfect girl with the perfect life. The one who always got rescued, even when she didn’t need saving.

And me? I was the secret. The mistake that made him look at his phone instead of my face.

The silence pressed in until I couldn’t stand it.

***

The night had dragged on so slowly, but it was morning before I even realized it. I reached for my phone, scrolling until I found the old video, the one he’d sent me weeks ago, back when he still said my name like it mattered.

I pressed play.

His voice filled the room, low, teasing, intimate. My throat tightened. I turned the volume up, chasing something that was no longer mine. Every sound made the memory sharper, the laughter, the whisper, the promise.

But I wasn’t reliving it for pleasure. I was torturing myself.

Because hearing him, remembering the way he used to look at me, made it clear how far gone I was.

And yet… I couldn’t stop.

My breath came shallow. My pulse raced. My hand trembled around the phone. Somewhere in that blur of sound and memory, I forgot about the walls, the thin dorm walls, the world outside, the possibility that anyone could hear.

I was too lost in the echo of what we shouldn’t have been.

Then, footsteps.

Faint. Close.

I froze.

The video still played, soft noises bleeding into the air like a secret slipping loose. The footsteps stopped, right outside my door.

The sound that came next made my blood turn cold, the soft, unmistakable knock of knuckles against wood.

“Avery?”

Seraphina’s voice.

The world tilted. The phone nearly slipped from my hand. For a moment, I couldn’t breathe.

The sounds still played in the background, faint but clear, the ghost of what Alex and I had been. Panic crashed over me as I fumbled to silence it, my fingers shaking too hard to find the button.

The knocking came again, louder this time.

“Avery?” she repeated, her tone sharper now.

I pressed the phone to my chest, heart pounding so hard I thought it would give me away. The hallway was quiet again, but I knew she was still there. Listening. Waiting.

And for the first time, I realized, the line between guilt and discovery was razor-thin. The truth was bleeding closer.