CHAPTER 5: The Beginning or The End?

I watched from the window as Adrian’s bike wove through the New York traffic. He moved with a kind of reckless grace, becoming a smaller and smaller speck until he finally vanished around a corner. The roar of the engine lingered in the air for a second before the city sounds swallowed it whole.

I moved away from the glass and sat on the edge of the bed. The silence of the penthouse felt heavier now that he was gone. My heart was still doing that jagged, uneven beat against my ribs.

I pulled my phone from my pocket and scrolled back through our messages. It was a habit I couldn't break, a way to find the man I thought I knew. I stopped at a text from a few weeks ago, back when the distance between us blurred his coldness. I had been feeling bold and lonely in the middle of the night, and I had asked him to talk dirty to me.

Reading his response now made a slow, familiar heat pool in my stomach. The words on the screen were raw and possessive, so different from the cold wall of a man I knew now. I rubbed my legs together, trying to pull the ache but it didn't help. I couldn't get the picture of his hands on me out of my head. I throbbed in between my legs and I felt the wetness slick against me. I slipped my hand in between my legs and I sought relieve.

My heart was twisted with a sharp sting of rejection. He’d called what happened between us a mistake. He’d walked away like I was nothing to him. The weight of the day finally pulled at my eyes, and I laid back on the bed, drifting into sleep.

And suddenly, I was nine years old again.

The air smelled of salt and old wood. My brown eyes were wide, trying to pierce through the heavy darkness of the hallway in the house. I felt a sharp tug on my arm. My mother's fingernails digged into my skin as she dragged me toward the back door.

"Mama, it's late. Where are we going?" I whispered, my voice trembling.

"Shhh—" She pressed her index finger against her lips, her eyes darting around. "I'm going to keep you away, with me, Nir. You're mine. Let's go away."

"No... no! I don't want to go away. Ronan!" I tried to scream for my brother, but the sound died in my throat.

She kept pulling me, her pace frantic. I stumbled, my small feet tripping over the rug. I looked back over my shoulder, hoping to see Ronan or my father, but there was only shadow. Then, a loud gunshot cracked through the air. I gadped It was so close my ears rang. Another one followed instantly.

Mother et out a choked sound. Her body jerked, and then she tripped, falling forward. Her heavy weight landed right on top of me, pinning me to the floor.

I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. The smell of her perfume mixed with something metallic and sharp. My vision began to blur, the world spinning into grey.

Then, a voice whispered directly against my ear. Cold. Smooth.

"Welcome to New York, Muse. We've been expecting you."

"No!!!"

I screamed the word, my body jerking upward as I fought against the weight on my chest. But there was no weight. I was in the penthouse. The sun was streaming in, and I was drenched in a cold sweat.

"Breathe, Nirvana. Breathe. It's okay now.", Ronan said, patting my head.

He was sitting on the edge of the bed, his hands steady on my shoulders. He looked worried, his face pale in the morning light.

"I've got you," he soothed, his voice low and calm. "You're safe. It was just a dream."

I leaned into him, my breath coming in short, jagged gasps. I gripped his forearms, needing to feel the solid reality of him. "She was there, Ronan. And the voice... it said the same thing as the note."

Ronan’s grip tightened slightly. "It was just your mind playing tricks because of that box yesterday. I’m here. You’re safe."

He stayed with me until my heart rate slowed down. He didn't push for details, which I was grateful for. He just sat there, a quiet and protective.

"You still want to do this?" he asked after a while. "The college thing? I spoke to the Dean at Rodrigo University. He can get you registered for the spring semester starting Monday."

I wiped my face with the back of my hand and nodded. "I have to. I can't stay here all day, Ronan. I’ll lose my mind."

"Okay," he said, standing up. "I have to go to the office for a few hours. Stay inside. Keep the doors locked. I’ll be back soon."

He kissed my forehead and left. But the silence he left behind was suffocating. I couldn't sit still with the memory of Katerina's weight on me and that voice in my ea.

I rose and walked down to the garage, the elevator doors opening to the smell of grease, gasoline, and cold concrete. I saw Adrian near the back, standing over his bike. He wasn't working on it; he was just leaning against the workbench, a cigarette dangling from his lips, staring at the floor like he was trying to burn a hole through it. I spent some moment to admire his body. Then I spoke.

"Ronan’s gone."

He didn't turn around. "I know."

"I'm going to the university. On Monday. Ronan made the call." I know it sounded like i wanted his attention but I wouldn't deny it.

Adrian finally turned. He took a long drag of his cigarette and blew the smoke toward the ceiling. His eyes were cold as usual, and the air between us immediately felt charged.

"You’re a fool if you think walking onto a campus makes you independent," he said, his voice a low, mocking drawl. "You’re just being immature."

"I don't care," I snapped, walking toward him. "I'm not going to sit in that glass box upstairs and wait for another flower to show up. I'm starting my life. Both of you can keep whatever secret you share between you."

"Nirvana," he called stepping away from the bench and into my space. He was close enough that the scent of him; smoke, cedarwood, and that metallic edge of the garage wrapped around me. "You just can't understand"

"Then talk to me. You've always talked to me, what changed?" my eyes teared up as I sought the man I lost. "Tell me why you’re so angry that I’m here! Is it because you can't keep pretending to be the nice guy from the phone? Is it because you actually have to look at me?"

Adrian’s face went dark. He dropped the cigarette and stepped even closer, his height looming over me, forcing me to tilt my head back. "You want to talk about the phone? Fine. On the phone, I didn't have to see how soft you look. I didn't have to watch the way you look at me like I’m supposed to save you."

"I'm not soft," I hissed, poking him in the chest. My finger hit the solid muscle beneath his shirt. "I survived my mother. I survived many things, I'm not scared "

He grabbed my wrist, his grip hot and tight. "You should be. You should be, Nirvana.", and that was all he said

"And what do you see me as, Adrian?" I challenged, my voice breaking. "A mistake? Or just a distraction you can't wait to get rid of?"

He pulled my wrist up, bringing me flush against him. His other hand slid into my hair, his fingers tangling in the strands and forcing my gaze to stay locked on his.

His eyes were wild, searching mine with a desperation that made the blood hum in my ears. The heat coming off his body was overwhelming, messing with my senses as I fought to keep my stand

"I see you as the one thing that’s going to ruin me" he whispered, his voice dropping to a rough, pained rasp. "Because I can't think straight when you're in the room. I spend every second wondering where you are, what you're doing"

His mouth moved closer to mine, hovering just a hair's breadth away. I could feel the heat of his breath on my lips. My eyes fluttered shut, my body leaning into him, aching for the contact I knew was coming. I wanted him to kiss me until I forgot my name. I wanted to feel the weight of his rejection burn away under that heat.

His thumb traced the line of my jaw, his touch light but electric. For a second, everything went still. There was only the sound of our breathing and the frantic pulse in my neck under his hand. Then, he stopped.

He didn't pull away completely. His forehead dropped against mine, his eyes squeezed shut. He was trembling, just a fine, barely-there vibration in his arms.

"I can't," he muttered against my skin. It sounded like a confession. "You have no idea who I am, Nirvana. You’re looking for a savior, and I'm the man who’s going to burn your world down."

He let go of my wrist and stepped back. The sudden loss of his heat made me shiver. He looked at me for one more beat, a look full of something that felt like mourning, before he turned toward his bike.

"I want you safe, Nirvana." he said.

"I can take care of myself," I said, though my voice was weak.

He didn't answer. He swung his leg over the bike and kicked the engine into life. The deafening growl filled the garage, vibrating in my chest. He didn't look back as he sped out into the light, leaving me standing in silence.

I went back upstairs, my head spinning. I felt like I was walking through a dream. I sat at the small desk in my room and pulled out my sketchbook, trying to find some peace in the charcoal lines, but my hands were still shaking from the encounter in the garage.

I turned the page and stopped.

Tucked into the binding was a small, white petal. It wasn't scorched like the rose on the balcony. It was fresh, pristine, and smelled faintly of something sweet.

My heart hammered against my ribs. I looked at the door, then at the window. The penthouse was locked. Ronan was gone. Adrian was gone.

My phone buzzed on the desk. I picked it up with a trembling hand.

"See you on Monday, Muse."

I dropped the phone, the screen glowing in the darkening room. I looked at the petal on the page, then at the sketch I had started, a drawing of a man with eyes just like Adrian’s. I realized then that the walls of the penthouse weren't protecting me. They were just keeping me in one place so I was easier to watch.

Monday was coming, and for the first time, I wasn't sure if the university was the start of my life or the beginning of the end.