CHAPTER FOUR - WORTH MORE

After leaving Caleb’s building, I walked aimlessly, letting my feet take over and not minding where they would take me. 

My mind is in shambles. 

My phone rang and I took it to answer the call.  “Cassy, where are you?” Tory. my best friend asked. She sounded frantic. 

I looked around me and saw an unfamiliar place. “I am not sure,” I admitted morosely. 

“Well, get the h*ll to this place.” She mentioned the name of a luxurious five-star hotel, before adding, “ Your man is being stolen by another woman.” 

I smiled wistfully. 

“A man would never be stolen if he was truly in love with his girl,” I said sagely.

“What are you talking about?  Your man is dating another woman and she was hanging by his neck as of this moment.  Your man is cheating on you!” Disbelief colored Tory’s words.

I could feel her seething in rage.

“He’s not cheating. We are divorcing.” I admitted with a calmness that belied the wild beating of my heart. 

“What?” Tory could not believe her ears.  “You are letting him divorce you? I thought you loved him. Why can’t you fight for your man?” Tory knew the sacrifices I made to be close to Caleb. 

I literally left everything behind for love.

Sighing, I told her.  “Three years and I lost.” 

Silence pervaded between us.  I heard Tory’s sigh.  The sound made my vision blurred, but I pushed my tears away. 

“I had been fighting a lost battle since the beginning, Tory. It’s time I stop.” I told her. 

While I admit defeat, I was comforted by the knowledge that I did everything to make him fall for me.  I tried every day in the last three years to show Caleb how much he meant to me. 

“What are you going to do now?”

“I am not sure yet.”

“Do you want to meet?” There was sympathy in her voice. 

Something I did not want to feel right now. 

I am already feeling sorry for myself. I do not need a pity party here.  

“It’s alright.  I have to drop by the hospital.” 

Tory’s countenance perked up.  “Have you told Caleb about the baby? I think if he learned about your pregnancy, he would stop whatever madness he was brewing right now.” Tory suggested. 

Bile rose to my throat when I remembered what Caleb told me last night.  “He told me to abort the baby,” I said bitterly. 

“That b*stard!” Tory exclaimed.  “I hope he and Amanda Hayes rot in h*ll. He was so cruel and heartless. Consider yourself lucky, Cassy. That man is not worth your time or your tears.  You are better off without him.” 

I grimaced while listening to Tory rant.  

When I saw a taxi, I hailed it and grabbed her attention to end our call.  “Where are you going?” Tory asked, alarmed. 

“I’ll go to the hospital.  Maybe, Caleb is right.” I said resignedly. 

“What do you mean? Are you going to do what that crazy b*stard ordered you to do? Cassy, that's a human being we are talking about here.  It’s your own flesh and blood!"

I looked up, meeting the clear blue and white skies while trying to drive the tears that suddenly rimmed my eyes.  

“I don’t know.  Maybe because I feel that the last three years of my life have been wasted.” I told her and cut our call. 

“To St. John Hospital,” I told the driver. 

Thirty minutes later, I was already inside the operating room, wearing a hospital gown. 

A nurse came to check my vitals. Then, she left me alone, lying on the operating table with my feet propped into the stirrups.  

Another nurse came to explain about anesthesia and how it would affect my body.  It was a lengthy explanation of the risks involved. 

Then, the doctor who would perform the surgery came.  She asked me a little about myself.  Maybe she understood my anxiety, and it was her way of making me feel at ease. 

We talked for a while. Her words reminded me about how desperately I wanted to become a mom. 

At that moment, something in me shifted as I protectively put my hand over my abdomen.

With my other hand, I propped up in bed, full of remorse.  “I can’t do it, doctor.  I can’t kill my child.” I told her. 

At the same time, the door to the operating room was flung wide open, and the angry face of Dr. Tony Richardson greeted me.  

Flinching, I looked at his angry face.  “What do you think you are doing, Cassy Burke?”  His tone had me tongue-tied.

I watched him with tears streaming down my face in relief. 

“I am sorry,” I said. 

Tony’s anger dissipated when he saw the look on my face before it was replaced by a gentle expression. He helped me out of the operating table and handed me back my day clothes.  He pointed in the direction of the bathroom so I could change back into them. 

All the while, I could feel the intense gaze of the doctor on us.  I knew the questions swirling in her head and felt embarrassed. 

When I emerged from the bathroom, the other doctor was gone. Tony sits on the chair, his arms across his chest. When he saw me, he stood up wordlessly and walked ahead of me out of the door. 

I scrambled to follow him. 

He stopped in a cafe just across the hospital.  He sat on our usual seat, waiting for me to do the same. 

When I already settled on a chair opposite him, his angry eyes pinned me in place.  

“What kind of stunt was that? What kind of irresponsible, convoluted thinking is this?  What happened to your ‘I wanted to conceive Tony, help me’ plea? Was that just lip service on your part?” Tony was shaking his head while I kept my head down, feeling a deep sense of shame washed over me. 

“I don't know what has come over you, but you must remember that every child is a blessing, Cassy.” He told me gently. 

“But his father does not want him.” I blurted out the bitter truth that gripped my chest hard.

The news did not even shock Tony.  “I told you before and will tell you now, you can not make a man love you.  You can not change who you are to make a man love you.  Neither can you beg for a man’s love.  No man is worth demeaning yourself over.  Remember this, you are more than enough. If he can’t see that, then, he is not the right man for you.” 

When I heard that, I covered my face with my hands in shame.  I let my tears fall to wash away all the pain and the hardship I endured these last three years.  It was not easy to live away from your friends and family and pretend they did not exist because of a man. 

Tony is right.  I am worth more.