CHAPTER 10: 010

Ashina's POV

I hated quiet mornings.

They gave my mind too much freedom.

And my mind had a terrible habit of wandering to places I didn't want it to go.

I rested my chin on the windowsill, staring at the blanket of snow covering Blackthorn Castle. The world outside looked peaceful.

Funny how the world could look so calm while your head felt like a battlefield.

I sighed.

"I wonder how Father is doing..." The thought slipped into my head so naturally that I didn't even realize I was thinking about him until a bitter laugh escaped my lips.

"Really, Ashina?" I shook my head at myself.

"After everything... you're still worrying about him?" I should have known better by now father had never once sat awake wondering if I'd eaten. He had never wondered if I was cold or lonely yet here I was wondering  if he remembered I was still alive.

"No." I pushed myself away from the window.

"Stop it." My voice sounded firmer than I felt.

"He made his choice." 

So why couldn't I make mine?

Why can I stop caring?

Was this what being someone's daughter meant?

Loving them even after they stopped loving you?

Or Had he ever loved me at all?

That question always found a way back to me.

Always.

I wrapped my arms around myself, rubbing my palms over my sleeves to chase away the sudden chill as my fingers paused.

Slowly I pulled back the fabric covering my forearm.

The scars of father's constant beating back then. Their are barely visible now anyone else would probably think they were ordinary scars.

I knew better without meaning to, my fingertips traced one of them.

Immediately the memory came back.

"So slow!" Father's voice cracked through the training yard. I had barely managed to stand before the whip came down as the sharp sting burned across my back.

The memory faded, but the ache it left behind didn't as I quickly pulled my sleeve back down.

I hated remembering It always made me feel like that frightened little girl again.The girl who thought if she trained harder,Smiled more and Obeyed faster maybe father might finally look at her with pride Instead All I ever saw in his eyes was disappointment.

I used to wonder what I'd done wrong but now I wondered if I'd simply been born wrong and wolfless.The word still hurt because I believed them and it seemed real maybe I really was cursed and not good enough.

I laughed quietly.

"Listen to yourself."

I was starting to sound just like the people who pitied me. I wasn't going to pity myself whatever I was or however broken everyone thought I was I was still survive and once I finally escape from Alpha Draven I would finally fulfill my dreams of exploring the other world.

My thoughts drifted to Draven even thinking about him made me uneasy. I still can't even understand him sometimes I convinced myself he was exactly what everyone said he was, A ruthless monster. He barely acknowledged my existence.

Did he look at me and see nothing more than another burden?

I rubbed my temples.

"Don't be stupid, Ashina. He doesn't owe you kindness. He doesn't even owe you anything. You're just here to cure him nothing more "

This was never my home and I'm here because of father and once I cursed Draven he will no longer need me.

The thought lingered longer than I wanted it to be as I climbed on the bed. 

" How long would he keep me here like a prisoner. I'm...."  A loud crash echoed through the castle interrupting my thoughts immediately.

The front doors slammed open as boots thundered against the stone floors their shouts erupted from every direction.

"The Alpha has returned! Move!"

"Get the physician! To the infirmary! Now!" I frowned.

Returned?

Then another voice cut through the chaos.

"He's badly injured!" My heart skipped a beat without another thought, I rushed out of my room and into the corridor.

The castle was so quiet only moments ago, had descended into complete chaos and for reasons I couldn't explain and my  feet refused to stop running.