Chapter 4

I sat in the idling convertible, watching Chloe walk slowly out of the school through the parking lot.

 I felt guilt twisting in my chest, if that was possible. That was my life she was walking back into. The stained carpet, the smell of ginger and old books, and the constant, crushing feeling of being invincible.

I hit the gas, the engine roaring as I sped away. I wanted to outrun the guilt by driving until the image of my own sad face in the rearview mirror vanished. But as the wind whipped my new blonde hair across my face, I realized I couldn't run away from a body I was currently wearing.

I slowed down after two blocks. Chloe, get in, I said.

“Maya,” Chloe would drive like she owns the road, not like she’s escaping a crime scene. Chloe shot back.

I pulled the car over to the side of the road for a second, trying to steady my breathing.

"So," Chloe whispered, her voice cracking as she used my vocal cords. "What happened after I ran out? Did Jaxon... did he say anything about me?"

I gripped the steering wheel tighter. My knuckles were white. "He didn't ask if you were okay, if that’s what you mean. He mostly talked about himself. And... he wants me to come over."

Chloe’s head snapped toward me, her thick glasses sliding down her nose. "To his place? Today?"

"Yeah. I guess he wants to hang out. Or whatever it is you guys do," I said, trying to sound nonchalany even though my heart was skipping. 

"Maya, you have to go," Chloe pleaded, grabbing my arm. Her eyes were wide behind my lenses. "Please. Don't ruin this for me. I love him, and if he thinks I’m blowing him off, he’ll get bored. I don't want to lose him."

I looked at at my own face and felt a wave of guilt. "Chloe, I don't think I can. I’m literally in your body. It feels... wrong."

"Please! Just for today? Just act like me. Be sweet. He won't suspect a thing if you just keep smiling."

I sighed, pulling the car over near my house. "Okay fine, just for you."

I pulled out the pink iPhone and shot a quick text to Jaxon: See you in ten, babe. 

As I pulled up to the curb of my old house to drop her off, I saw a Tristan standing at our front porch. He was leaning against the railing, a book in his hand, looking exactly like the only person who had ever seen me as a human being.

 I had been in love with Tristan since the tenth grade, and he was the only one who didn't join in when people called me names.

"Wait," I grabbed Chloe before she reached for the door handle. "That’s Tristan."

Chloe looked at the neighbor and shrugged. "So? He’s just your neighbor."

"No, he's... he's important," I said, my voice urgent. "Chloe, listen to me. Tristan is the only kind person in my life. Please, don't just ignore him. You have to stall him, talk to him, anything. Just make sure he doesn't think I've turned into a jerk."

Chloe looked at Tristan, then back at me. A slow, mischievous look crossed my old face. "You like him, don't you?"

"Just... go," I muttered, my face heating up. Be nice.

"Fine," Chloe said, hopping out of the car. I'll play the part of the 'sweet neighbor girl.' You go play the 'perfect girlfriend.

I watched her walk toward Tristan, he looked up and smiled that genuine smile that used to be just for me.

I put the car in gear and drove away toward Jaxon’s house, feeling like I was leaving my heart on a porch while I went to go live a lie.

I pulled into Jaxon’s driveway, and just sat there. My hands were still shaking.

I looked in the visor mirror. My face was perfect. I practiced smiles.

The front door was already open. Jaxon was waiting, leaning against a marble pillar like he was posing for a photoshoot. When he saw me, his eyes lit up.

"There she is," he said, walking toward me. He didn't wait for a greeting. He just slid his arms around my waist and pulled me against him.

For years, I had wondered what it would feel like to be in his arms.

"You’re acting so weird today, Chlo," he whispered. "First the 'breakout' excuse, then avoiding me at lunch. Are you trying to make me chase you? Because it’s working."

He leaned in to kiss me, and I turned my head, his lips landing on my cheek instead. 

"I'm just... tired, Jaxon," I lied, stepping out of his grip. I needed to not be touched by him. "School was a lot today."

"Okay," he muttered, the charm flickering for a second as he looked annoyed. "Come on, Mark and the guys are in the back. We're just hanging out."

The afternoon at Jaxon’s wasn't as bad as I had expected. Once we got to the backyard, the tension eased. We sat by the pool, and for a second, I forgot I was a fraud. Jaxon was being attentive, feeding me grapes and talking about a summer trip to the lake. I felt like I was finally part of the world I’d watched from the sidelines for years.

"You seem… stressed," Jaxon said, leaning back. "Let’s get out of here. Let’s go grab a bite, just us.”