ENT

I stared down at my brown and orange stained fingers in fascination while I was waiting to see the specialist. Due to the nature of my job, my hands were dry and cracked and had a tendency to absorb color from the food I handled. It was incredibly difficult to get it out. Some helpful people had advised me that if I simply took the time to moisturize my hands, I wouldn’t have this problem. As if I had time for that!  My hands were too busy with food prep, and dishwashing to take the time to let the lotion soak into my dry cracked hands. My nails were kept short, I didn’t wear rings and I washed my hands about a hundred times per day, they were definitely not sexy. My right hand had a tough raised callus just under my index finger from the constant contact with the metal of my knife while both arms had various burn marks from moments of inattention while cooking. Some of my knuckles had scars from the times the cheese slipped against the grater catching the edge of my knuckle onto the sharp blade.I was lucky to have all my fingers; I was a little too careless in the kitchen sometimes. 

"Miss Harper Saunders" a manly voice called out.  I looked up at the man who had summoned me, a warm crooked smile crossed his face as he invited me into the office. I walked over to him slowly and sat in the exam chair. "My name is Dr. Helm, what can I do for you today Miss Saunders?" he asked as he gave me his full attention.  I swallowed hard, feeling nervous. 

"I have this lump here," I said pointing at my neck.  The doctor’s eyes narrowed as she lifted my chin and touched the lump gently. 

"Hmmm, so you do," he said, his eyebrows furrowed. "When did you notice it first?" he asked, turning away from me and walking towards a cupboard against the wall. 

"About 2 years ago, I was hoping it would go away on its own, but after a year I consulted my family doctor about it, and well, I've been waiting a year to see you" I finished.

"Yes, the wait times are a little long I'm afraid, there aren’t very many of us in this field" he smiled apologetically. He was holding a long hosed instrument and pushed my head back against the chair’s headrest. "Does it interfere with your breathing or swallowing?" he asked squeezed a thick clear liquid onto the end of the tube. 

"No" 

"Do you feel a pressure in your throat?" 

"No"

"That's good then. So what I’m going to do is put this scope in your nostril and have a look in your throat ok? To make sure it isn't obstructing anything" he explained.  I nodded, not seeing that I had much choice in the matter. "Here we go, you’ll feel a bit of pressure" he announced as he pushed the hard black tube into my nose, "and now your eyes will water,” he continued as the burning sensation caused my eyes to water. “You should be feeling a little burning sensation” he confirmed “and we’re there!" he paused for a moment examining my throat through his scope. I held my breath and kept my eyes squeezed shut through the whole ordeal, the sensation of a scope up the nose was quite unpleasant. The doctor gently pulled out the scope and handed me a tissue to wipe my runny nose.  "Well the good news is that it's not obstructing your airway, but I'm going to request an ultrasound and a biopsy to further investigate this lump.  When I get the results I will get you to come back to my office or I will call you.  I'm sure it's nothing" he reassured me with a smile. I left my work phone number with the secretary as I made my way out of the office. 

My boss, Gabriel Mason, was waiting for me in the parking lot. I opened the door to his lifted truck and reached for the handle to help prop myself up. He watched as I pulled myself into the seat ungracefully but said nothing. 

"Sorry it took so long," I said, hating that I even had to ask for a ride there. 

He shrugged indifferently.  "I went by the store and got all the things you wrote on the list, did you need to get anything else?" he asked in a slow deep voice. 

"No, I should be good for the week. Uhm, I hope it's okay that I gave the doctor your office number. He is supposed to do a follow up sometime in the next few weeks and my cell phone doesn’t always work at the camp” I rambled on quickly as if I was trying to tear off a bandaid. He nodded at this but said nothing. I couldn’t help fidget with my fingers as we made our way out of the city and back into the work camp deep in the woods. Since beginning to work for Mr. Mason, he had always intimidated me.  I wasn’t sure if it was because of his quiet nature, his reputation, or because I just didn’t know him very well. 

Gabriel brought most of the groceries in for me as my kitchen helper, Janice helped me put them away. 

"So?" Janice asked as soon as Gabriel was gone, "What did the doc say?" 

"Not a whole lot, he has more tests to run first, but he doesn’t think it's serious" I replied, rubbing at the lump in my throat absentmindedly.  It was barely visible but just knowing it was there really bothered me. I had done some research on goiters and the images that popped up were downright scary looking, I wanted to get this taken care of before it got out of control. 

“Well that's good” she said with a genuine smile on her face,  “How awkward was it to be with Mr. Grumpy pants?” she asked, referring to Gabriel. 

"It went as well as one could expect," I grinned at her.  "He put on the radio and we didn’t have a single exchange on the way there and back" I replied as I examined the fridge.  She raised her eyebrows and threw her head back. 

"Gosh, that must have been so boring!" she groaned, "Did he make you listen to Metallica?" 

"Yes, actually that’s what we listened to.  So what is there left for me to prepare for lunch?" I asked, looking around the kitchen and peeking into the dining hall. 

“Everything is ready, boss!" she replied cheerfully. As if on cue I heard a rumble of voices approaching the dining hall.  The water faucet was turned on as the steady buzz of men’s chatter came through the kitchen. 

"Good afternoon Miss Harper" most of them greeted me as they grabbed a plate, cutlery and napkins.  Janice and I took the lids off of the buffet pans as each man served themselves.  Lunch consisted of  mashed potatoes, peas, carrots, pork chops and gravy. Those who didn’t like it had the option to eat the previous day’s leftovers or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  Only a few of the men were extremely picky, most were just grateful for a hot lunch every day.  One by one, they filled their plate and headed to the long table in the dining hall. Once the 40 or so men had served themselves Janice and I would grab a plate for ourselves and wolf it down before the dishes started to accumulate in the sink. Janice would then clear off the table and clean the dining hall while I put the food away and cleaned off my work area. We would both do the dishes and take an hour’s break before starting on supper’s prep. It was hard tedious work but it was something I enjoyed immensely.

"Miss Saunders" a low husky voice called.  A thrill ran through me as I turned to see Gabriel standing at the door. 

"Yes?" I asked cautiously. 

"Are you available to go over the books for the month’s end tonight?" he asked, his eyes stern, making me wish I could wipe away his deep scowl. 

"Yeah, absolutely Mr. Mason, I can meet you in your office at 8?" I said. He nodded and left the dining hall without another word.

I turned to look at Janice who was fanning herself with her hand, pretending to swoon. She was deeply enamoured with our boss.

"It’s too bad he’s such a womanizer, he would have been a  perfect match for you," she said. 

"The heat is clearly getting to you" I laughed, rolling my eyes and shaking my head at her. 

"What? You don't think he is gorgeous? I mean if you look past the grumpiness and all" 

"Deep, deep, deep past the grumpiness" I replied giggling. 

"You don't think he’s hot?" she asked in disbelief. 

"He's good looking but he is way too old for me" I returned

"He's younger than me," she scoffed. 

"You forget I'm only 22, and you told me he was the same age as you the other day" I retorted and she looked at me in amazement. 

"I did forget you were still wet behind the ears" she giggled as she passed me the last pan to dry. "I'll see you at three" she called leaving the kitchen. I knew she would head to her room and have a nap until then.  I usually liked to read by the river a few minutes walk from the camp.  It was mostly quiet, only hearing the heavy machinery occasionally.  It was quite a peaceful spot and on days like today the place was filled with warm sunlight piercing through the thick woodland canopy.  I basked in the sunlight while flipping through my book pushing all my worries away for the hour. 

Mr. Mason owned a large construction company and this current job site involved building some sort of overpass and would take up to three years to complete. Janice had been the head cook the previous year but she did not enjoy the isolation of the campsite.  This season, as a favour to Mr. Mason, she had agreed to train me for a few months and fill in if the need arose. 

Janice and I worked efficiently in the kitchen, she was my favorite person to have around. We never got in each other’s way and it was like she could read my mind.  She handed me ingredients and tools before I even had to ask for them. We were a well oiled machine.  Unfortunately this was her last week and I was going to be taking in students for the rest of the summer. I was excited at the prospect of teaching and helping young people learn efficiency in the kitchen but it was most likely going to be a lot more work for me. With Janice we were able to alternate breakfast duty so the other person could sleep in, but this was likely going to be  impossible to do with students until they became more proficient as they needed constant supervision meaning I had to work harder.

Supper was usually a more subdued affair, that night we had prepared chicken stew with rolls.  We even had time to sit with the men and talk.  Some of them would offer to help with the dishes and we never refused them. It was nice to see that they appreciated us enough to help out and give us some time off. 

I sat on the bench next to my friend Matteo who was already working on his third roll.  He looked up at me and flashed me one of his warm smiles. He put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me in for a side hug. 

"Amazing food again tonight Miss Saunders" he said between bites.

"Don't call me that" I scolded him, "It makes me feel old!"

The dining hall got quiet as someone sat to my right, I turned expecting to see Janice but it was Gabriel. He rarely ate in the dining hall with the rest of the men. We usually made him a plate and delivered it to his office where he dealt with paperwork. 

He had showered before coming in for supper as most of the men did.  His dark hair was slightly damp and falling over his forehead. I caught a whiff of woodsy spices as he sat himself next to me. He nodded at me and reached across my plate for a roll, his arm grazing mine as he pulled it back. I could see Janice 's eyes widen in surprise across from me as she witnessed the quick touch. My face heated up, likely turning red.  Gabriel made me incredibly nervous with his authoritative ways.  He was an intimidating man and it felt wrong that I was sitting here at that moment because I should have been in the kitchen. The chatter picked up again in the hall as my boss ate silently.

"So what did your doc say?" Matteo asked. We had spent a lot of time getting to know each other since coming here in the spring, other than Janice, Matteo was my closest friend here and we told each other almost everything. He was a First Nation and lived in the Madawaska reserve in northern New Brunswick. Though he was married with kids, he chose to spend most of his time off at the camp to keep an eye on things while Gabriel was away. 

I told Matteo the same thing I had told Janice earlier about the doctor's appointment. His look was full of concern for me and he reached for my shoulder again to give me a squeeze. "I’m sure it will be ok. Is this doctor any good?" 

"He's an ears nose and throat doctor, so I assume he knows what he is doing." I shrugged. 

"Miss Saunders" a low voice rang to my right, "is there any chance you can meet me in my office now, I have to go to town tonight, so the sooner we can get this done the sooner I can go." 

Janice snorted into her glass of water across from me and I gave her an annoyed glare. 

"Um," I started

"I'll help Janice," Matteo said, tugging at my sleeve.   

"Thanks!" I turned to him in relief.

"As soon as you’re done meet me in my office" he got up with his bowl and cutlery in hand and made his exit through the kitchen. Chilling dread came over me at the thought of spending the next hour with him.  This was only my second budget meeting and the last one had not gone well. He had given me several reproachful looks as I tried to justify my spending and it had made me uncomfortable. He had never refused me anything but he never seemed pleased with my requests either. I took my time finishing my meal and when I had exhausted all forms of procrastination and couldn’t put it off any longer I made my way to his office.