Ex-Husband's Regret

PART 1: Ava.

I get out of my car and slowly walk towards the mansion. My hands are trembling, and my body is sweaty.

I still can’t believe that it was done. That I was finally divorced from him. The proof of that was currently in my handbag.

The sight of his car parked in the driveway makes me pause, making my stomach tighten. He didn’t text. He rarely does anyway, but that doesn’t bother me anymore. I’m used to him ignoring my existence and treating me like I don’t matter.

Sighing, I push the door and enter my house. The sound of my son’s laughter hits me the moment I get in. It’s warm and bright, and the only sound that makes me feel human. Makes me feel loved.

In the living room, Noah sits beside his father on the couch, both of them hunched over something on his phone. They’re laughing about some video, their heads tilted toward each other. It’s such an easy, natural picture, one that still manages to break me a little.

“Mom!” Noah grins when he sees me. “Dad came to pick me up early!”

“I see that,” I say, forcing a smile.

My ex-husband, Rowan, glances up, his expression unreadable. “Your phone was switched off.”

“I was at the attorney’s,” I reply, keeping my tone neutral. “The finalized divorce papers needed to be picked up.”

He frowns. “You could’ve told me.”

I don’t respond. I just set my bag down on the table and walk down the hallway to get changed into something more comfortable. My pulse quickens as I return, hearing their voices again before I even enter the room.

“Why are you and Mom getting a divorce?” Noah asks quietly.

I stop. My shaking hands go to my chest, my heart breaking at the sadness in his voice. I would do anything for him, but this divorce was inevitable.

Our marriage had been a mistake. Everything about us was a mistake. It just took me a while to see the truth.

“It’s complicated,” Rowan says.

“How?” Noah presses. “You’re either together or you’re not.”

Rowan exhales before responding softly. “You know why, Noah… your mother and I are no longer together.”

It’s weird, really. That during the duration of our marriage, he has never once spoken to me softly. It was always cold. Always flat and devoid of any emotion

He’s frowning now, as he tries to make Noah understand so that he doesn’t ask any more questions. But Noah is my son. Curiosity and inquisition are in his blood.

Noah’s voice drops. “Is it because you don’t love us anymore?”

My breath catches mid-inhale as my heart lurches. For a second, I forget how to breathe. The words slice through the air, small, innocent, but lethal. I don’t even realize I’m gripping the wall until my fingers ache.

I knew his answer. I’ve always known what it is. Everyone with the exception of Noah probably knows that damn answer, but here is the thing. He loves Noah to death, but me? I’m a completely different story.

The truth is Rowan doesn’t love me. Never had and never will. That was as clear as day… and knowing that still hurts. Even after all this time, it still fucking hurts.

I feel my heart breaking all over again. Because nothing is as wrecking as loving a man who only sees you as the wrong one. The wrong woman. The wrong wife. The wrong everything.

“What? Who told you that?” Rowan sounds startled.

Noah shrugs. “I haven’t seen Mom with anyone else, so maybe you love someone else now.”

I haven’t been able to look at anyone else since the divorce process began. Hell, even before. The love I held for Rowan destroyed me in ways I don’t think I’ll ever recover from, so love is far from my list of priorities right now.

Rowan always held back. He never gave himself the chance to love me. I kept giving, and he kept pulling further away. No matter what I did or how I tried, I was never able to touch his heart.

Our marriage was never just ours. She was always there, haunting every silence, every memory, every inch of space between us. He refused to let her go, while I suffered silently because the man I loved, the man I was married to, loved someone else and hated me.

Tears fill my eyes, but I rub them away. I was tired of crying. Tired of chasing after a man that didn’t want me.

So instead, I step into the room before Rowan can respond, my voice calm, but my chest feels like it’s cracking open. “That’s enough, Noah.”

Rowan’s gaze snaps to me, his jaw tight, his eyes spitting accusations that he can voice in front of our son.

I ignore his cold mocking eyes and turn to my son. My pride and joy. The only good thing in my life. His good looks are definitely courtesy of his dad. He has my brown hair and his penetrating grey eyes.

“Noah, go pack your bag.”

He hesitates. “But—”

“Now, sweetheart,” I whisper.

“Fine, but no fighting,” he commands before leaving.

I stand there awkwardly watching as he leaves, my eyes scanning the room. Rowan left me this house as part of the divorce settlement, but I’m planning to move. It’s been my home for nine years, but I feel out of place in it. Like I don’t belong.

In truth though, I never did.

Knowingly or unknowingly, he built this house with HER in mind. This was HER dream house, everything down to the color scheme.

That should have been the first indication that he wasn’t planning on letting her go. That he wouldn’t reciprocate my love for him. I should have seen it coming, but I still held on to hope that he would change.

As soon as Noah is out of earshot, Rowan rises from the couch slowly, eyes burning into mine. “What lies have you been feeding him?”

“Nothing,” I shoot back. “He’s nine, Rowan. He’s trying to understand what’s happening.”

“You made me the villain.”

“Rowan…” I sigh, unable to complete the sentence.

“No. Fucking no! You turned my life upside down nine years ago, and now this? Is this your way of getting revenge? Turning my son against me because I didn’t love you. Newsflash Ava, I fucking hate you.”

He’s breathing hard by the time he’s done. The angry words tumble out of his mouth like bullets shooting straight at me. I feel them pierce my heart. Each word shattering my already fragile heart.

“I-I…”

What’s there to say when the man you still love says he hates you?

Rowan glares at me, his icy cold eyes projecting his hate for me. “Do something like that again and I swear you’ll regret it. I only tolerated you for Noah’s sake, but if you dare brainwash him again, I’ll take him from you. Permanently.”

His words send chills down my spine. Rowan doesn’t make threats; he gives warnings. If he says he’ll take Noah from me, he’ll do exactly that. With his family and my family’s backing, he can do whatever the fuck he wants.

I put the divorce decree down on. I was going to say something…anything to defend myself, when my phone rang. I take it out of my bag and check the caller ID.

MOTHER.

I wanted to ignore it, but she never calls me unless it’s something important.

I swipe the screen and bring the phone to my ear.

I sigh. “Mothe…”

She doesn’t give me a chance to finish my sentence.

“Get to the hospital now! Your father has been shot,” she says frantically, before hanging up.

My phone slips from my hand, and for a moment I can’t move.

“What is it?” Rowan’s voice cuts through the haze.

I pick up my phone, hands trembling. “It’s Father.” I whisper, heart racing, “He’s been shot.”