Chapter 3

I woke up with a cold body and arms empty. What the fuck?! It took me a moment to realized he is not around.

My boyfriend-- My soon husband who was beside me last night and now he's missing.  

The wrinkled mattress is a proof that he was here last night in my arms but when I woke up.

Shit! Where is that moron! I robbed my eyes as I sat on the bed, looking around with hopes of finding him somewhere in the room.

Fuck!  Did he react to what I did yesterday by leaving him in his sleep? I was feeling a sensation that I keep on rejecting but no matter what, I still feel the dull ache in me. I convinced myself that it wasn't just there and speculated that he might just be downstairs or somewhere to go.  

Fuck! I fucking hate this! There's a will gut feel in me and I am bad in guessing but guessing him left me--

“Tsk!” I tsked.  

I went downstairs and looked at the kitchen that he was there preparing breakfast but he wasn't there. I looked around the room and was surprised to see him lying there and unconscious.

"Hey where the fuck are you!!" I screamed and immediately approached him for help before calling an ambulance.

...

“COUGHING up blood from your respiratory tract is referred to as hemoptysis. It is one of the most common symptoms of lung cancer." The doctor said calmly.

 "W-what? C-cancer?!" I asked a lot of questions and couldn't believe what I was saying.

I could hardly say anything because of the fear of losing him, losing the person who was going to hurt him. These feelings are so familiar, the loss of a fiancé.  

“Yes. Coughing up 100 cubic centimeters of blood-- Only 1/3 of a cup, is called massive hemoptysis and has a mortality death rate of over 50 percent--” He added.

"Oh-okay! That's fuck!" I said as I continued to cry.

"Hey, he How serious is his lung cancer?" I asked him a question with a shudder.  

"He's still unconscious as of now ma'am, I just came out to tell you about the illness and the reason why he vomited blood and died because he was in a very bad stage cancer."

Fuck! I didn't say anything and just cried out in pain.  

"Do you know anything about this disease?" Suddenly, the doctor asked.

"I don't know anything about it." I answered. That's right! Why didn't he tell me he was sick? Why? So that I don't have to worry about him? Fuck! Or maybe he didn't really want to tell me about it because he was afraid that I would leave him?  

"Did you see him take medicine once?" He asked.  

"H-Not either." I replied. I didn't really see him taking medication since we had only known each other for a few days and lived together in the same house so I didn't really know he was sick like this.  

"I see. Actually, based on his condition right now he has been suffering from lung cancer for a long time but he doesn't seem to know anything about this disease or maybe he just doesn't pay attention to it." He even said that I was surprised.

I just nodded and let the doctor come back in. I don't know how long I've been crying for hours while waiting for Lightning to wake up.

"Noodles?!" Sunny and Star call me, my best friends.  

"What happened?" Sunny asked as she approached me and gave me a hug.

"Where's your boyfriend? Where's he?" The star asked as she wiped away my tears.   I texted them to come over-- "He's awake now and he's looking for her." The doctor told us that the two of them were silent because of the surprise.

As soon as I entered, my eyes saw him. Fuck! I'd love to slap him! I want to him! I want to hurt him or kill him for keeping his pain a secret!   I couldn't help but let the tears come out of my eyes.

"B-babe?" I called out to him, but he didn't seem to hear me.

"Hey..." I called him and this time he looked at me seriously.  

"W-why didn't you tell me about this? W-when did you get this kind of sick?" I asked him a question, but he didn't answer and looked away from me.

Fuck!

"Let's end it here, Mike," he said suddenly, to my surprise. Huh? "W-what do you mean?" I asked him with a cold hand on his shoulder.

 

“Our love story. Let's end this relationship because sooner or later, mamatay din naman ako.” I just literally heard my heart jumped out of my chest. Those words stole my breath to death.

 

I knew someday I would feel this heartache again to someone but not him. I didn't expect him to say those words even I know he's sick. Why my life is so cruel? But I tried to be come more understanding person and patient because usually, I would freak out. I heaved a sight and wiped my tears. “There's no one leaving, okay?” I said and held his hand tightly.

 

“And doesn't mean you have that kind of sick you don't deserve to be loved. Dapat nga, every time we should spend together--” I gulped.

 

“No, Mie. Not for long...” He coldly said and turned his head away. “You can't just tell me that and ignore the reality. You know it's not that easy kasi masasaktan ka lamang pagnagkataun ng husto.”

 

“But babe--”

 

“We can't be together Mie, not anymore. Let's accept the reality--”

 

“But you said you love me."

“What about your promises? What about our wedding?”

 

“I do love you. I never not love you. Nothing has change about how much I love you and I'm really sorry about the promises I made and our wedding, I can't make it happen.” He said and wiped the tears on his cheeks. Fuck! Seeing him crying make me cry too.

He obviously felt more pain by saying those words than what the cancer doing to his body. I couldn't believe what I'm hearing right now. Thunder and his words just turned me down. “You still have a chance to look forward to find a real love. To find someone much better than me-- probably not like me.” He said.

“The fuck?! Much better? To find someone? What if that someone is still you? You know we can still build another better--” I said but he didn't let me finish.

“Just stop! It's over.” I tried to be more understanding again but I couldn't help but to cry and blame myself for having a bad luck.

 “Now tell me the reason why you didn't tell me na may sakit ka pala and when it started.”  

"It's been a long time and I just want to worry about you and the reason why I wanted to be married to you while my illness was getting worse but--"

He couldn't finish what he was saying when I suddenly spoke to interrupt him.

"So you don't think I'm worried now?"  

"So, let's put an end to this so I don't hurt you again." The only thing I can do right now is to hurt you and hurt you, so I don't want to hurt you." He answered.  

“So you think hindi ako masasaktan dahil diyan?” I argued.  

"At least you can move on from the day I hurt you." He answered. Damn! Tears fell down my eyes while hearing his words.  

“You don't understand--”  

“No! You don't understand me, Mie. Can you just accept the truth? I only hurt you.”  

“But you told me to hold you closer didn't you? You agreed that there is no end... that there are only beggings, but you're ending this now?! You're ending our relationship?!”  

"My--"  

“Why do you have to say that and assume the things that aren't happening yet?!” I said rhetorically. “It happened, Mie. I hurt you and I can't let that to happen again and again.” He retorted but his voice is still soft and weak.  

I tugged my fingers onto my hair in frustration and cried silently.  I couldn't help myself but to cry it out, the pain inside me, it kills me, it needed to come out.