Chapter twenty one

Claire's stomach clenched hard as the plane landed. She hadn't been to this part of the world for years and coming back was giving her a kinda sick feeling.

She left Adrian in the hotel she had checked in after making him promise that he would stay put.

The hospital was massive and busy and she kept her head down and her sunglasses on as she made her way to the emergency department.

"I'm looking for Howard Anderson." She tried to keep her voice steady but it came out shaky. "He was brought in about an hour ago. Heart attack."

The nurse checked her computer. "He's in surgery now. Critical condition. Are you family?"

"Yes." The lie came easily because she needed it to. "I'm his granddaughter."

The nurse's expression softened with sympathy. "Third floor. Surgical waiting area. The doctor will come out when there's news. I'm sorry, it's going to be a long wait."

Claire took the elevator up and her heart was pounding so hard she thought everyone could hear it and her hands wouldn't stop trembling.

The waiting area was nearly empty and she chose a chair in the corner where she could see the doors but stay partially hidden behind a pillar.

Three hours passed and felt like three years and every minute was agony.

Finally the surgical doors opened and a doctor emerged in scrubs still speckled with blood and looked around the waiting room. "Family of Howard Anderson?"

Claire stood up but stayed back in the shadows.

A woman in her sixties that Claire didn't recognize stood up too. "I'm his assistant, Margaret. How is he?"

"He's stable for now." The doctor's voice was professionally calm. "The surgery went well. We were able to repair most of the damage but the next twenty-four hours are critical. He will be in the ICU”.

Margaret nodded with tears in her eyes, “Jeff has to be here”. She whispered and brought out her phone.

Claire's blood ran cold and her whole body went rigid.

She should leave now before Jeff arrived but her feet wouldn't move because she needed to see Howard and needed to know he was really okay.

Her heart was racing so fast she felt dizzy.

She followed signs until she found the ICU and prayed no one would stop her and ask questions.

Howard was in the third room and she could see him through the glass window and her breath caught in her throat.

He looked so small and fragile hooked up to all those machines and tubes running into his arms and a breathing tube down his throat and monitors beeping steadily and her vision blurred with tears.

She stood there and watched to make sure his chest was rising and falling.

"Please be okay." She whispered it against the glass with her hand pressed flat against the cold surface. "Please don't leave me. Please don't leave Adrian. We need you."

Tears were streaming down her face now and she didn't bother to wipe them away.

His chest rose and fell with the help of machines and his face was so pale it was almost grey and she'd never seen him look so old.

The minutes ticked by and she knew she should leave but she couldn't make herself move and couldn't tear her eyes away from him.

Then she heard footsteps coming fast down the hallway and a voice she would know anywhere even in her sleep.

"What the hell happened to my grandfather?" Jeff asked, his footsteps echoing on the marble ground as he came closer.

Claire's heart stopped and then started racing and she turned and walked in the opposite direction without thinking and without looking back.

Her stomach clenched hard that she felt she was going to pass out. Old hurt and wound came rushing back at the sound of his voice.

She made it to a stairwell and pushed through the door and was halfway down the first flight when she heard the door above her burst open and slam against the wall.

"Claire!" Jeff yelled out her name and if not for the small pause she have, she didn't react to his call.

She froze for just a second and her whole body went cold and her hand gripped the railing so hard it hurt.

His footsteps were thundering down the stairs above her and getting closer and she forced her legs to move.

She thought she was strong enough to face him but from how her body was shaking, she wasn't strong enough. It still hurt too much.

She burst out into a hallway on the second floor and looked frantically around and saw a woman about her height wearing a jacket the same blue color as hers walking toward the elevators.

Claire walked fast in the opposite direction toward the east stairwell and heard the door behind her open and Jeff's voice calling out.

"Excuse me! Ma'am in the blue jacket!"

She didn't look back and pushed through the stairwell door and kept going down and down until she hit the ground floor and burst out into the main lobby.

Her heart was pounding and her hands were shaking and she forced herself to walk normally toward the exit.

Outside the hospital she finally allowed herself to breathe and her legs were shaking so badly she had to lean against the wall and her vision was swimming with tears and adrenaline.

*

*

Back in the hospital Jeff had grabbed the woman in the blue jacket by the shoulder and spun her around.

"Claire, I..."

The woman's face was nothing like Claire's and she looked at him with alarm and confusion. "Excuse me?"

"I..." Jeff dropped his hand and stepped back and ran his other hand through his hair. "I'm so sorry. I thought you were someone else."

The woman pulled her jacket straight and walked away quickly giving him a dirty look.

Jeff stood for a moment, looking disoriented. He was here to see his grandfather and here he was seeing things.

It couldn't have been her.

Claire was dead.

He'd been at her funeral five years ago and watched them lower her casket into the ground.

But that woman had looked so much like her and moved like her and something in his chest had recognized her even from behind.

"You're losing your mind." He said it out loud to himself. "You're seeing her because you want to see her. Because you miss her. Because you're going crazy with guilt."

He wished that it was Claire, God knows he would not allow her slip away again.