Chapter 3

I sat comfortably before Erina, my psychiatrist. She has been attending me since last year, helping me sort out my marriage issues.

"So, he asked for divorce" She leaned against her chair processing my information.

"Yeah"

"What was your reaction?"

I stared at the coffee cup before me, the steam swirling out of it. I like hot coffee, he liked black, but it had to be made by me. Nobody else could make it for him. It was like he could tell if the coffee was made by me only by the smell.

Won't he miss my coffee after divorce?

"Eva?"

"Huh"

"I asked about your reaction"

"Oh. Nothing. I was scared to show him any side of me that would push him more away. So, I packed my bags and left." I sighed as I stared at her stunned face.

"You didn't cry?!"

"No."

"Eva. Why are you doing this to yourself?"

Myself? What am I doing to myself?

"Maybe you are getting this wrong. It's not about me, it's about my marriage, it's about my husb-

"That's where you are wrong, my love" Erina took my hands in hers.

"You are asking me where you went wrong. Well, I have answers. You were wrong in mistreating yourself, not caring for yourself. You made your life all about your husband that there is no place for you in it now."

"Huh?", I was puzzled, I couldn't understand her.

"Think carefully and tell me. When was the last time you did something for yourself in your marriage? I am not talking about your financial growth, I am talking about your mental growth. What things did you do just because you loved to do them but not for your husband?"

I thought, I thought hard. Nothing, I did nothing for myself. I did nothing that I loved. Well, I loved kissing him, making love with him, but all these would happen when he wanted, according to his schedule. I would never kiss him on my wish, although I craved him so much. Sometimes my craving would get so high I could think of jumping on him in a middle of meeting, nothing sexual. Just a kiss, a freaking kiss. I was thirsty of his kisses, his smile, his hug, anything he gave me, I took them like a hungry beggar.

"Nothing, I did nothing for me." I was nonchalant to my discovery, I didn't feel sad that I didn't for myself. When I was with him, I didn't want to care about anything.

"Well, now you should"

"I know you are about to start all that bullshit, that I should forget him and move on with my life, that I am enough for myself. Let me tell you, it is not going to work! I can't live without him! I need him like I need my next breathe, loving him is all I know to do in my life. I can't move on, I won't move on."

I had already stood up, my chair backing away with a screeching sound. I gripped the hem if my skirt with trembling fingers, desperate to hold on to something.

"Eva, darling. I am not going to ask you to do that, I am not."

Erina walked towards me with slow pace, her alert eyes scanning my every movements.

"I know how much you love him, it's impossible for you to forget him let alone move on in your life. I am not foolish enough to think you can leave him, but you are clever enough to make use of this opportunity and get what your heart always wanted."

"Huh? What do you mean?" My wrestling heart had calm down, and my thinking process was being clear, but I could not fathom what was she hinting at.

Erina shook her head and sat back on her chair. I sat on mine, clearly curious of what she was going to say.

"So, he wants divorce"

I know! Tell me something new, for God's sake!

"He'll be asked why he wanted divorce, obviously in family court he would need to bring out more solid reason rather than 'just this marriage won't work'. So, if he doesn't bring out any solid reason, the judge would need your consent."

"And I won't agree to divorce" I said with a clueless expression.

"Of course, you won't. Then there is only one way left for Shraf Sinclair to earn your consent."

"He'll offer me exchange", my recently steadied fingers started to tremble again.

Exchange something special for my consent, something that I want, anything I want.

Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit! Why didn't it cross my head before? Why?

I stared at my psychiatrist with all the gratefulness I could pour through my gaze. Thank god, she was a woman and I was straight, otherwise I would kiss her right now for sure.