Chapter seven

I picked a lollipop from the lollipop jar I always keep by my door as I entered my house, slumping on my settee. I was just from the coffee shop after been bailed. Guess I just didn't rethink my plans.

Never before have my plans failed. The guy I was dealing with at the moment was different. It's like he knew my every move, knew what I was thinking or what I was to say. That explains the constant interruptions. Maybe he had heard the lines one to many times but he was manly and mature enough to finish the sentences in his head rather than blurt them out like a five year old. 

But that was just my assumption. I couldn't tell if it was that or he was bored with my voice or just impatient. None of my conclusions made me take the matter any lighter. It was going to be harder than I thought. The guy was different. 

I moved from the couch to my room, deciding to take a cold shower after the long day.

Instead of closing the windows, I let them stay open, allowing the cool breeze from the Hollywood hill fill my room. I loved the cold and the feeling of chills. Truth be told, I've never understood why. 

The curtains billowed, spreading the cool air around. I stripped off my clothes, such a waste of good dress. I should have just kept it in my closet for another day. 

The cool air kissed my skin as I walked to the bathroom. 

I turned on the shower, cold water running through my body.

So refreshing! 

It reminded me of the times I trained with the police. Swimming was an included, mandatory sport.

The first time, I was so afraid to get into the water, afraid to drown.

I was just twenty-one years at the time. Dangling my feet at the edge, claiming I had a chest problem, a petty excuse not to embarrass myself in front of everyone. Trained police officers used to laugh at me every time, and it got into every bit of the nerve present in my body but what could I do. That was the first fear I ever registered into my system.

Things changed when one of the guys pushed me into the pool and one of the guys was none other than Marlon. Surprisingly, I never drowned and I loved the cold water. Ever since, I've been showering with cold water.

I got out of the shower, cold water from my hair dripping on my shoulders. I put on some black leggings and an oversized grey v-neck T-shirt, tying my damp hair up in a messy bun and making myself comfortable on my bed.

I switched on the TV. It had been a while since I relaxed on my bed to watch TV. Second from cold showers, came dramatic TV shows where the main character never achieves his or her goal. But it was becoming quite blasé. I didn't have anything else to do, so TV shows had it.

Suddenly, I received a text from Marlon. I was too lazy to text back, so I called.

"Better be important." I said once he received. 

"I should be telling you that." He replied. 

"Oh!-Yeah! It wasn't a success." I said as a matter of factly.

"Knew you should have done it my way."

"But, he asked me out on a date." I added. 

"What!" Marlon exclaimed. "He did what?"

"You heard me, right?" 

I rolled my eyes. 

"When? Where? What time?" He asked, his tone alarming.

"If you are thinking to come and gatecrush or send me there with a mic draped on my body, forget it. I thought I made it clear I would do this on my terms. You know, I can decide to continue on without the police involved." I said, swinging the remote control on my hand sassily.

"Do you have any idea who this guy is, Becca?"

"I'm yet to find out!" I retorted acidly. 

"Okay! Fine! I won't pry as long as you help as out. Please!" He sighed.

"You sound so desperate."

"Because I am, Becca! I am! I'm not ready to lose the only job I have ever been committed to or go to jail for some fraud. I'm building a reputation here." He said.

I laughed. The salient desperation in his voice made me to. I never thought it would come a time I would crack for the first time. I expected Marlon to ask me what was funny but instead,

"Becca? Are you okay?"

"Why?"

"You've just laughed. I've never heard you laugh before. The tone of your voice always approached severity. Tonight it's different. I'm surprised." He said.

He was right! I never showed my emotions, I would definitely hide them. My facial features always screamed blank. What was happening to me?

"I guess I just had it hidden for long." I admitted. 

"It was beautiful, Becca. I mean it." 

"Quit drooling!" I retorted harshly, rolling my eyes.

"And you are back." Marlon lamented.

I shook my head, laying on the bed.

"I was also looking forward to, you know, take you out sometime." He added, sounding a bit nervous. 

I took in a breath. 

"Look..."

"It's okay if you don't want. I was just taking my chances." He quickly said, cutting me off. 

What was up with people not letting me finish what I was to say?

"No!-I was going to say, we should try it sometime. Not soon but soon enough." I said, completely oblivious of how I suddenly changed from a cold heartless bitch to some softie. Someone had to have that impact on me.

"I never thought I'd hear those words from you. Anyway, good luck with your mission and thanks for the chance." He said then hanged up.

Not even a goodnight? Well, I've  never known how relationships or acquaintances worked, I shouldn't expect much.

But what just happened? 

That's the question I didn't have an answer to. 

I was distracted out of my thoughts by the sudden announcement of a new mail from the TV. I sat upright, changing my settings to switch to mails.

It was from Dr. Xander with a black envelope as the subject followed by,

"You need to see this!" I read out loud.

I clicked on the new mail.

Dear Becca,

Dr. Baldowski managed to compile your memory into a disk and it is attached to this mail. But before you watch, hear me out first.

You might have a deep-rooted belief concerning your personality but don't play a personality you are not. Yes, something or someone might have deluded you to that particular belief but believe me, that's not who you are.

I told you, you're shutting your vulnerable self and it's not healthy. Don't let it confuse you and become more dangerous than you are. Get rid of that self-deception. Look around your house and think of how you came up with a bright contrast of colours that don't match your dark, cold and very overwhelming personality. 

I'm not implying you don't need your dark side, it might be of use at some point but not always. Just to mention, I figured this all out when I watched your memory. Be yourself, Becca!

Aside from that, we might have triggered something during the procedure. We don't know what, yet, so be on the look out. Goodnight!

~Dr. Xander 

I finished reading, clicking the video immediately to watch.

I laid back on the bed rest as I watched. Everything felt new yet it wasn't. It wasn't supposed to. 

It all felt familiar but I couldn't remember it as I was supposed to. I received it as a new memory as if registering it for the very first time. 

I then felt something trickling down my face. I looked out of my open window, it wasn't raining.  I looked up at the ceiling. Perfectly sealed. Not a single leak.

I touched my face, it was wet!

Tears?! I was crying?!

I've never cried before. This was also new.

"Dan!" My father called. 

I returned my attention to the screen and saw my six year old self, crying. I used to cry. 

I used to be stubborn and cheerful, carefree. I had a life, a future but my uncle decided to get in the way.

I held myself together as I watched to the end, the part Dan  threw a knife at my parents and they had no choice but to run.

"Becca!"

"Mama!" 

Black!

I clutched onto a pillow and felt myself breaking apart. The doctors triggered my fucking emotions. I've never expressed how hurt or sad I felt prior to that particular night. 

How could life be so cruel? I lost my brother and my parents were forced to leave me dying in a tunnel. I grew up with foster parents who grew tired of me and eventually kicked me out, the only place I tried calling home.

I've been shutting everybody out after I lost my precious memory that locked every door to my happiness and carefree self.

I couldn't control my tears anymore and cried myself to sleep.