3

Emily and Avery's bickering is quite entertaining for me. I never really grew up having friends when Caroline came, so now that I see Avery and Emily teasing each other, it makes me feel a little better. A little happier.

                          

A ding went off, "Oh the cookies are done!" I quickly set the tray of sweets on the stove to cool down. Then I fill up 3 glasses of milk. 7 minutes later, most of my cookies are gone.

                          

"With cookies tasting as good as these. I'm never going to lose weight."

                          

I laugh, "That's because you don't need to lose weight. I like your size," says a guy from behind Emily. This must be her mate, John. He wraps his arms around her waist from behind and kisses her temple.

                          

 Emily turns her head and kisses his cheek, "Thanks, babe." John smiles down at her like she's his whole world. I wish my mate would look at me like that one day. Another guy comes waltzing in and swings Avery around in a circle. She squeals and giggles, "Jason! Put me down!" He obeys her and pecks her lips. "Missed you today sweetheart." He says in a loving voice. 

                         

                                          

I look at the two couples. Their lives make my heart ache. I remember how my mother used to tell me how all mates are supposed to love each other just like how she and papa did. My relationship with my mate turned out to be the opposite. He hated me. He told me to get out while he was in his office with another woman.

                          

"Hey Lizzy, you okay? Why're you crying?" I didn't even notice I was crying until she told me. 

                          

I quickly wipe my tears away and smile as if nothing happened, "I'm okay Avery. I just got some flour in my eye." I grab a small plate of cookies and head towards the front door. "I'm going to quickly drop these off at Xander. I'll be right back."

                          

He may be a complete asshole, but I still have to try. Soul said to be myself. I'm doing exactly that. I'll just have to be the bigger person.

                          

I knock on the door of Xander's office lightly.

                          

"WHAT!" He shouts. I flinch but quickly recover. I gulped and inhaled deeply. When I was at home, I didn't try to stand up for myself enough. I didn't try to be strong. I stopped trying. But maybe this is my chance to change that. Yeah my mate is an asshole, but maybe somehow I can use this to make myself stronger?

                          

I open the door and walk in. "I made a fresh batch of cookies. Do you want some?" I ask with a soft voice.

                          

His eyes don't leave his paper as he nods. I lay the plate in front of him. I stand there waiting for a thank you. It never came. He looks up from his paper and glares at me, "Why are you still here?" He spits out. 

                          

"I was waiting for a thank you," I didn't mean to sound angry...okay maybe I did, but sometimes it was hard hiding my emotions. He growls at me. It was deep and gravelly. It did have an effect on me but I made sure to not show that.

                          

"Go!" He shouts. I growl at him, but turn to leave as he takes a bite. Xander makes a face and spits his food in my face. I was stunned. I never had anyone spit my food in my face before.

"What the fuck is this shit?!"

                          

I frown at him, "What's wrong with them?"

                          

He takes the plate of cookies and walks toward me. Once he was right in front of me, he drops the plate of cookies and stomps on them, making the plate shatter as well.

                          

"Don't ever make me anything again." He turns away and goes back to his work as if what he did was nothing, "Oh and do clean up the mess and your self up. You look and smell disgusting." Just like how Caroline said to me. 

                          

My lip quivers as waves of tears drench my face. My life is miserable. But it doesn't have to be miserable. I could just...end it...and make all the bad go away. That was the first time in 3 years I had thoughts of suicide.

                          

I shook my head. Izzy what the hell are you thinking? I glare at Xander. I pick up the crushed cookies in my fist. He's back at his desk looking at his papers. I walk up to the desk and throw the cookies on there. crumbs and pieces splattered over his work. 

                          

His head whips up at me and scowls. He stands up, "What the fuck do you think you're doing huh?"

                          

"You made a mess," I lean forward, "Clean it up."

                          

He steps closer, "Are you stupid?"

                          

I smirk, "I've been called worse."

                          

"Oh really? Like what?"

                          

My smirk leaves my lips as I stare at him, "Your mate."

                          

His evil amused expression drops and he stares me dead in the eye as I look right back, "Get the fuck out."

                          

I step to him and pout, "I'm sorry, did I hurt your feelings?"

                          

He grins, "That would imply that I care about you, which I don't. I don't like you, Lizzy."

                          

I felt a sharp pang in my chest, but I still shrug it off like I didn't care, "That's okay. Not everybody has good taste."

                          

I turn to leave and slam the door behind me. I stomp toward the house. Tears began to fall down my cheeks. I hate that what he says does matter and that it does hurt me. 

                          

 Everyone was still there. Avory, Emily, and Zapora gave me looks of concern as well as their mates, "Lizzy, what's wrong?" Zapora asks. She slowly walks towards me as if I was an injured animal about to bolt off.

                          

 Instead of my words coming out, I sob. I sprint to my bedroom, slam the door and collapse onto my bed crying my heart out. I scream into my pillow. I always thought screaming into your pillow helps you release your feeling. What a load of shit. I still feel the pressure in the heart.

                          

Someone, who is probably the girls, knocks on my door. "Go away, guys. I don't want to see anyone right now," I yell from my pillow.

                          

Instead of seeing the girls, Soul walks in and shuts the door. He silently sits next to me on my bed and holds me as I cry.

                          

"I didn't know he would be like this. If I did, I wouldn't have asked you to put yourself out there."

                          

I nod against his chest, still not trusting my voice to form words.

                          

"You don't need to try Lizzy. If you're really miserable...you could always reject him as your mate?" He suggested softly.

                          

I shake my head, "I wasn't raised like that. Rejecting was never an option. It's either you're with your mate...or die."

                          

Soul frowns, "So you're going to stay with him?"

                          

I look away from him, "I don't know."

                          

He looked taken back, "What do you mean you don't know?!"

                          

Might as well tell him, he'll probably find out anyway, "I used to be suicidal." I confessed.

                          

Soul's silence indicates that he must be shocked. He looks down at my arms and notices very faint, white scars. 

"No no no no!"

                          

"Don't worry Soul, that was years ago." I tried to comfort him.

                          

"And now?"

                          

I shrug, "I don't know."

                          

"Why were you...suicidal?"

                          

I've never told anybody about my life. No one was really interested except Eddie, "Please don't tell anyone this Soul. I've never told anyone and I'm....scared."

                          

His eyes soften the same that Eddie's does, "I promise I won't. You can trust me."

                          

I explained to Soul about my home life for the past 11 years. I left out the part where I met Xander though.

                          

Soul is silent for some minutes. Then a deep growl echoes out of his chest, "We can always go find them Lizzy. We can go find them and punish them. Make them pay."

                          

I shake my head, "Soul, It's in the past."

                          

"How could you say that!" He exclaimed.

                          

"Because I'd rather just leave all that in the past. And don't worry, I'm not actually suicidal right now, it was just a passing thought. No big deal."

                          

"Yeah but even you thinking it is already bad, Lizzy. I don't want you thinking like that."

                          

I smiled, "Don't worry, Soul. Sometimes I just struggle with my self-worth because of how I've been treated. But I know at the end of the day I can change that if I wanted to and I will. Sometimes I'll have bad thoughts, but as long as I don't dwell on them, I'll be okay."

                          

Soul thinks about what I said for a minute then pulls me into a hug, "You're strong Lizette. You may not know it, but you are. You're way too good for my brother," I laugh against his chest.

"Get some rest, Lizzy. You need it." I nod and kiss his cheek as a thank you.

                          

After saying goodnight I snuggle against my pillow and blanket, letting the peace of darkness envelope me into sleep.

                                  

                          

I wake up feeling refreshed. I think maybe my cry last night helped me emotionally to cope.

                          

I look back on the events that happened yesterday. Yes Xander was a bastard towards me just like Caroline and Vince, but I'm not going to let him win. I'm not going to give him the satisfaction. 

                          

I take a shower and change into some black leggings with one of Soul's big jumpers he let me borrow. I go down stairs and start to make everyone breakfast.

                          

"Mmmm something smells mighty fine in here!" Avery yells as she walks in with a smile.

                          

"Did you stay the night?" I asked while flipping the pancake.

                          

"I live here dummy. The people that are considered family by the Alpha lives in this huge mansion of a house."

                          

"Ohhhh that makes sense. So your mates?"

                          

Avery nods, "Me and Emily's mates along with Noah, who is Xander's Beta, and his brother, were friends when they were little. Then when they found us, their mates, Xander allowed us to stay too. And Xander's parents live in a different house."

                          

Avery and Emily living here? BONUS! "I'm so glad you guys live here too. That way I won't suffer alone in this testosterone filled house."

                          

Avery laughs, "Girrrlll! I know how you feel. I love Jason, I really do, but sometimes I need my girl time."

                          

"So you don't like spending time with me?" Jason says with a fake pout.

                          

Avery turns around and laughs as she wraps her arms around his neck, "No baby. I'm just saying that it's still nice to hang out with the girls is all." She pecks his lips, giving him an instant smile. I wish I had that effect on my mate. A longing grew inside of me. I mentally shake my head. I can't think like that. I won't let myself.

                          

He laughs as he picks her up and sits her on his lap at the table, "Yeah, I know what you mean."

                          

I walked toward the cute couple and place their meals in front of them. Avery starts to eat her meal, but Jason turns to me and sticks his hand out, "We haven't officially met. I'm Jason, Avery's mate." I shake his hand in a firm grip and smile, "Hi, I'm Lizette." Jason's eyes look as if they bung out of their sockets, "You're the LUNA? And you're COOKING?!?!" He says in shock.

                          

I laugh, "Yes I'm the Luna. But please call me Lizzy. And yes I do cook. Not because I'm forced, but because I want to."

                          

Jason nods in understanding.

                          

"I SMELL FOOD!" Emily yells. She comes running from the hallway. I fix her a plate and place it on the table. She practically attacks it as if it was an animal trying to run away. 

                          

"Honey, eat slowly or you're going to make yourself sick," John says with a chuckle. Soul and someone who I've never met, came in and got themselves some food. He was very big. I mean I knew werewolves are naturally bigger than human guys. But this guy was bigger than a lot of male werewolves. Shit.

                          

"Good Morning Luna. We haven't met yet, but I am Noah Maverick, Xander's Beta." I step closer to him and give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek, which caught him by surprise.

                          

 "It's wonderful to meet you, Noah. I hope you enjoy your meal. And please call me Lizzy. Luna is too formal for my taste." He stiffly nods his head. I guess he was uncomfortable with how much affection I expressed. I mentally laughed, I guess I will have to get him used to it.

                          

I start to do the dishes and pack away the leftovers when Xander comes in wearing a black tank top and low strung basketball shorts. Ugh! This is totally not fair! I hate him with a passion, yet I still internally drool over his freaking gorgeousness!

                          

He gives me his usual cold glare, which makes his face not very attractive, and looks around the kitchen for food. "Where's my meal?!" He asks growls.

I turn to him and look at him dead in the eye, "You said you don't like my cooking. You've got hands, make something yourself." Everyone at the table stops eating and looks at me with shock.

                          

Xander grabs the top of my arm in a painful grip, pulling me roughly towards him. Soul stands up immediately ready to attack.

                          

"You dare speak to your alpha with disrespect!" Xander growls.

                          

 I sneer at him with distaste. I look at him how he looks at me. This stuns him a little, "First of all, you are not my alpha. I haven't been accepted into this pack and I haven't accepted you as my mate. So you are not my Alpha. Secondly, respect is earned," I move my face a little closer to his, our nose almost touching. 

                          

He frowns at my sudden resistance towards him, "You Xander Nightwalker have done nothing to earn my respect. Sorry if you were expecting me to give it to someone as undeserving as your sorry ass." I growled. I haven't used my commanding wolf voice for so long. Finally using it made me feel strong.

                          

I rip out of his grasp and stomp away.

                          

XANDER'S POV

                          

I stand in the middle of the kitchen stunned. I did not expect that. She always came out to be sweet and gentle. I mean, she was to everyone else...but me. I underestimated her strength. Strangely though, I was slightly aroused by her outburst. My mate has a backbone. That's pretty sexy. I shake my head. Stop it, Xander. I have to try harder for her to hate me.

                          

I look to everyone at the silent table, all of them are going red from holding in their laughter except Noah. He was just sitting there with no expression.

                          

Soul was the first to burst out laughing. He was leaning over, holding his stomach, "Oh man bro! You just got told! FINALLY!" He shouts with a laugh. Everyone else joined in. I growl at them all, silencing my family.

                          

"Do not let that pathetic she-wolf influence you into disrespecting me!" I shouted with my Alpha voice. Everyone except my brother bows their heads."That beautiful she-wolf," pointing at the direction Lizzy went to, "Is your damn mate, yet you treat her like the dirt underneath your feet."

                          

"That's because She. Is!" I growled, trying to convince Soul.

                          

Soul stomps towards me with a snarled. He may be younger, but he is almost as big as me.

"She is your 'fucking' mate! Last time I checked, mates were equals. You don't deserve someone as sweet as Lizzy."

                          

I take a step towards him. I let my Alpha side take over, "Remember your place little brother," I say in my deep Alpha voice. But it doesn't faze Soul at all.

                          

"If anything Xander. You're probably the dirt beneath her feet. You should remember your responsibilities as a mate." With that said Soul storms off.

                          

I didn't say anything back to him because he was right. I am dirty. I am disgusting, It's hurting to hurt her, but I know it's for the best. It will only come out bad if I stop pretending and release my true feelings.

                          

I wonder how my life would be like if I did show my feelings for her at the start. She wouldn't hate me right now. She would look at me with a warm smile and love shining in her eyes. She would probably always bake me her delicious cookies. I can't believe I stomped on them. They were SO GOOD! I almost tried to eat the crumbs left on the floor.

                          

She and I would be going for walks together, possibly talking about our future and how many kids we have. I honestly don't care how many kids we have as long as I have kids with her. I deep sadness sits in my chest...because I know I won't have kids with her, she won't love me, and she will end up loathing me for what I'm about to do. It's for the best though. It has to be. I continually repeat those words in my mind over and over again. It's for the best. It's for the best. It's for the best...I hope.