Eight

The rest of the school day went by quietly. Niko never came back like he had promised.

I kept checking the door, hoping he'd appear, but he never did. For some reason, I felt disappointed, almost betrayed. I didn't understand why.

Why do I even care so much?

When the final bell rang, I packed my things and followed Sophia home as I had promised, her house was beautiful. I stepped into the living room and looked around curiously.

There were pictures everywhere then I spotted one of Sophia as a little girl. I pointed at it. “Is that you?”

She immediately laughed. “Don't you dare!”

“You were so tiny!”

“Mateo!” .We both burst out laughing.

Afterward, Sophia went over to the television and turned it on. We settled down together and started watching the movie she'd chosen.

At first, everything was normal. We watched quietly, our eyes fixed on the screen but then I realized what the movie was about.

It was about two boys who had fallen in love with each other. One of their mothers couldn't accept their relationship. I slowly sat up straighter, something inside me shifted.

I stared at the screen. The words, characters and the way the two boys looked at each other. Suddenly, everything felt strangely familiar.

Sophia noticed my expression. Without saying anything, she picked up the remote and turned off the television. “Mateo?”

I looked at her.

“Are you okay?”

I tried to answer, but my eyes had already filled with tears. One slipped down my cheek.

Sophia immediately moved closer and placed a hand on my shoulder. “Hey…”

I wiped my face, embarrassed. “I have something to say.”

She nodded. “I'm listening.”

I took a shaky breath. “In the movie... why was the mother so unhappy about her son dating another boy?”

Sophia thought for a moment. “Maybe because it was new to her. Some people need time to understand things they aren't familiar with.”

I sniffed. “So she wasn't necessarily disappointed in him?”

“Not necessarily.” She gently wiped another tear from my cheek. “Sometimes people are afraid of what they don't understand.”

I lowered my head, my hands trembled slightly. “Sophia…”

“Yeah?”

“Does liking another boy make me gay too?”

She became quiet. I stared at the floor, tears gathering in my eyes again.

“I've been having this feeling for a while. I didn't know what to call it.” My voice became quieter. “But now I think I understand what it means.”

Sophia listened carefully.

“And I think…” I swallowed. “I think I like someone.”

She didn't interrupt.

“But it's the wrong person.” My voice broke. “What am I supposed to do?”

Sophia immediately pulled me into a hug. I rested my head against her shoulder. “Mateo,” she said softly, “there's nothing wrong with you.”

I closed my eyes. “You're not a disappointment. You don't have to be ashamed of yourself.”

I started crying quietly.

“You're allowed to have feelings. You don't have to figure everything out today.”

She gently patted my back. “Whatever you feel, it doesn't make you a bad person.”

I held onto her tightly. For the first time, I'd said the thought out loud. I didn't know what would happen next, I didn't even know what I was supposed to do about it but at least I wasn't carrying it alone anymore.

An hour later, my eyes were still puffy, but I had finally calmed down. I stood up and picked up my bag. “Goodnight, Sophia.”

“Goodnight, Mateo. Please remember what I told you.”

I nodded. “I will.” I left her house and boarded the bus.

I sat beside the window, resting my head against the glass as the streets passed by, my mind was a mess. I needed some air, time to think but more than anything, I needed to get home.

The bus finally reached my stop. I got off and slowly walked down the familiar alley then I spotted someone ahead. Niko.

I immediately wanted to turn around, not now but he'd already noticed me. “Mateo!”

He walked toward me. I stopped reluctantly, he stood in front of me, looking concerned and suddenly, everything Sophia and I had talked about came rushing back.

I knew what my feelings meant now, I liked Niko and I wanted to be close to him but I couldn't.

I was the priest's son. There were expectations attached to my name.

My father had spent years building his reputation in the church. How could I risk ruining everything?

Niko looked at me carefully, his expression changed when he noticed my eyes. “Mateo…”

He reached up gently and brushed his fingers across my cheek. The touch was warm, for one second, I wanted to lean into it.

I wanted him to pull me into a hug and tell me everything was going to be okay but I stopped myself. I quickly pushed his hand away. “Don't touch me.”

Niko froze. “Mateo, what's wrong?”

I walked away. “Nothing.”

“Did you cry?”

I stopped walking. For a moment, I couldn't answer then I turned toward him. “So what if I did?”

My voice came out sharper than I intended, Niko stared at me.

I didn't wait for him to respond so I turned around and continued toward my house.

My chest felt heavy. I reached the front door, opened it, and stepped inside without looking back. Behind me, I could still feel Niko's concerned gaze and somehow, that made everything hurt even more.

I opened the front door and stepped inside. My family was still sitting around the dining table.

Dad looked up immediately, his expression was stern. I stopped near the doorway, suddenly feeling nervous.

“Where were you?” he demanded.

“I... I...” The words wouldn't come out properly.

“Can't you talk?” he snapped.

I flinched. Before he could say anything else, Mum stepped in. “Enough. Let him go upstairs.”

Dad looked at her, still clearly angry. I lowered my head. “I'm sorry.”

I quickly made my way upstairs, I could still feel the tension behind me. Dad was probably still angry. I entered my room and closed the door quietly.

For a moment, I simply stood there then I walked over to my bed and lay down. I was probably going to miss night prayer.

Normally, that alone would have made me anxious but tonight, I didn't have the energy to move.

I turned onto my side. My eyes immediately went toward the window. Across the street, Niko's window was still visible.

I stared at it. The room was dark now, I wondered if he was still awake. I thought about his worried expression, his hand against my cheek.

The way I'd pushed him away, I'm sorry. I pulled the blanket closer and continued staring at the window.

Everything felt so complicated. I had spent my whole life trying to become the person everyone expected me to be but tonight, for the first time, I was afraid that being myself might not fit into that picture.

I closed my eyes yet even in the darkness, I could still see those blue eyes.