“Keep looking at me like that, and I'll kiss you until you're crazy.”
I feel great discomfort when I hear this. The feeling would be Wanchai's, but I'm the one who feels it. But why? What's with me? My discomfort is visible as Nate gives me a strange look, looks confused.
— Will, are you all right?
— I'm... It's all right!
— Do you think this tone is okay? — I know we will have a rehearsal before recording, with the cast, but...
He keeps talking. I can't face it. I sit on the couch and leaf through the notebook in my hand. I need to compose myself. What's up, Will? You are not Wanchai, and this is not Thirasak. Nate sits next to me, and continues talking about Thirasak's feelings in this scene. I need to get out of here, I'm not well, something is bothering me.
— Since the first scene I realized he was in love with Wanchai. Waiting for someone for a year is beautiful. Do not you think?
— It's…pretty pretty. I say, but I don't have the courage to face him.
— I think Wanchai didn't want to admit it, but he fell for Thirasak in that scene, don't you think? He was too shaken when he said he would kiss him until he fell.
I muster up the courage to look at him. He looks curious, staring at me insistently.
— Is really everything fine?
— It is. Can we continue tomorrow?
[...]
I roll from one side of my bed to the other. I can not sleep. I feel weird, especially when I remember Nate's gaze on me, the closeness between us, and his deep voice telling me, “Keep looking at me like that, and I'll kiss you until you go crazy.” I think I'm taking the character very seriously, after all, it's Wanchai who gets slightly shaken when Thirasak says that phrase to him. That's it! It's the Wanchai who feels, I'm not him. But why am I so shaken?
The days go by fast. The recordings start in full swing, I did my best for the first episode, the director and the production are all praise for my work, and it makes me extremely happy to know that I can do this, contrary to what I always heard from my parents, I can. Speaking of them, I know I need tell, but I think it's not the time to say that I'm acting in a BL series, I don't know what their reaction would be, with the exception of my sisters, they never supported my dream of being an actor.
Today we have a very uncomfortable scene to shoot, since I arrived on the recording set I have been thinking about what it will be like, and how I will react. We didn't rehearse, actually none of us talked about rehearsing, I thought it was great, and weird on Nate's part. But my joy was short-lived, as soon as I finished the makeup, the staff looked for me to do a dress rehearsal with the scene cast, and then shoot. It's a welcome scene for the freshmen to break the ice, Wanchai and Thirasak are chosen to perform a very unpleasant prank, the two must dance together, but it's not just any dance, they must be glued to each other. My character, Wanchai, hugs Thirasak around the waist, and our faces must be very close. The text mentions that I must be slightly attracted to his beauty, and Thirasak brings his face close to mine, in addition to staring at me intensely. Also, there's a second scene, where the old pepero joke happens, and the script says that in the last bit his mouth should touch mine.
As we perform the first scene, I can't stop staring at him, and my heart races in a way I've never seen it before, and it makes me very nervous. His gaze is so intense and true, I wonder if I'm really in front of his character. I feel unsteady, uncomfortable with those brown eyes staring at me like they want to kiss me. Cut. 10 minute break for the pepperoni scene. As soon as he says that, Nate pulls away, but he keeps looking at me, I look down, and then I look this way and that. I feel a little lost. Take a deep breath, Will! You are not Wanchai.
It doesn't take long for everything to start over. The college seniors hand out a snack to each pair, and I pop it in my mouth, and I wait for Nate, or rather Thirasak. he looks at me and just hold it with the mouth showing disinterest. Then he is reprimanded by one of the seniors, who tells him to eat or bite the pepero, he does what is asked, and eats little by little until the last piece, this is the worst part, because to eat you have to touch your lips in mine, and in doing so, she looks at me in an extremely sensual way. This scene is in the script, Wanchai should be shaken, not me!
At the end recordings, I just want to be at home, in my bed. When that actually happens, the bed feels like too uncomfortable a place for me. I've tried several activities, but I can't stop thinking about the look in Nate's eyes, his mouth touching mine, that scene doesn't get out of my head. There's something wrong with me, I shouldn't feel this way. I need to sleep.
[...]
While the makeup artist does her work on my face, she says something but I don't listen, my mind is too far away. She finishes, I say good-bye and walk down the hall until I hear someone call my name.
— Will, wait!
I look in the direction of the person calling me. I don't want to talk to him alone.
— Hi, Nate! What was it?
— Need to talk to you. Come with me!
Before I say anything, he takes me by the hand, and pulls me open. a door on our side. It's a dark room full of set materials, he closes the door and stares at me with the same look Thirasak gives to Wanchai.
— Nate, what do you want to tell me here in the midst of this mess?—
— I needed a quiet place.
Why does he need a quiet place?
— I think we better get out of here. I say, turning towards the door, but Nate grabs my arm, I turn in your direction.
— What's the matter with you? What do you need to tell me?
— We need to finish what we started yesterday.
— What?
Before I can say anything else, he walks over, gives me that damn intimidating look, and simply brushes his lips lightly against mine. Stop, and walk away. I look into his face, I'm scared. But something is stronger than me, I pull him closer to me, closing the distance between us, Nate smiles.
— I thought you didn't! — he says.
— I've wanted since the day I laid eyes on you...
Will“ I've wanted it since the day I laid eyes on you.It doesn't take long for me to take your lips to myself. It feels weird, well, I don't know how to describe it, the only thing I know is that I feel light. Your lips are so soft. I suck on his lower lip with a desire I don't know, as I wrap my hands around his neck, and at the same time I feel his hands play with my hair. The kiss intensifies, and he presses my body between the door, behind me, his hand that was playing with my hair goes down my waist, and... Suddenly I feel someone hitting my shoulder hard.— Will, wake up! I want to borrow that yellow watch...I open my
WillI couldn't come up with a plausible lie to convince Nate that he couldn't meet my "mother-in-law". So at the appointed time, there I was, in front of his door, holding a bottle of French wine on one side and insecurity on the other. Before I ring the doorbell, the door is opened by a woman apparently middle-aged, with shoulder-length hair, round face and slanted eyes like mine. She smiles happily at me.— You're punctual, I'm glad you came!— Thank you! I brought this wine, I don't know if you like it...Nate 's mom invites me in, and makes me extremely comfortable. She is so cheerful, affectionate, it's no wonder he talks about her t
WillI take a deep breath as I lay my head on my pillow. My night was intense. It started with an amusing moment during dinner, and ended with a very unpleasant situation in Nate 's room .“What's going on here ?”, that sentence sounded so accusatory, as if we were doing something very bad. Okay, that I was caressing your face, but I guess friends can do that, or can't they? I know I felt an overwhelming urge to kiss him, but I didn't. The problem is that we were surprised by someone I didn't know was still a part of his life. Your girlfriend.Her presence took us by surprise, I quickly removed my hand that was caressing his face, and we both sat on the bed, the girl looked enraged, bu
WillDuring the rest of the day we shot a lot of scenes, we had a few breaks, but Nate didn't say anything else about what we talked about, or what was causing the fuss. So I thought it best to leave it all alone.Confused, confused, confused. That word doesn't get out of my head, as soon as the day's recording ends, everyone heads to the parking lot, I say goodbye to everyone, and I stare at Nate who looks at me in a strange way, he seemed to want to tell me something. I turned around and opened the car, and I heard his voice from the other side of the vehicle.— Will, can you give me a ride? — His request takes me by surprise
WillWhat I find when I look at him is nothing but sweetness. I watch her mouth closely and an uncontrollable urge to taste her takes over me. His lips look very kissable to my eyes, extremely inviting. Will, you need to control this insane desire, you are not Wanchai, and he is not Thirasak. I can't, it's stronger than me, I approach him a little, shortening the small distance between us even more, he continues to stare at me as if he's been waiting for me. I bring my face closer to his, and before I take any action, my phone rings.I reach into my pocket for it, and Nate quickly unbuckles the belt. I look at the viewer, “my father”. Before I say a word, he steps forward.—
WillI argued with my sister over her insistence that I'm in denial. I spent the night thinking about what he said, and I came to the conclusion that I was an idiot in the past, and out of fear I didn't experience that "possible relationship" during the end of high school. But and now? How do I feel about my co-star? Is it just enthusiasm? Is it the closeness that makes me think of Nate differently?I don't know what I feel for him, but I know that being by his side makes me very happy. Every time I make him smile, it makes me feel light. Hearing his voice telling funny situations from his life while having dinner is perfect. I observe every detail of her face that makes me enchanted, her eyes are an intense brown, and they look at me with an expression of happiness. He smiles when he hears me say any nonsense, and it infects me, sometim
Will— What? Did you dream about me?— Did I say that? It's not me...— You did, but… — Before I finish my sentence, his phone goes dead, and that unbearable sound echoes in my ear. There's no way Nate could have hung up the phone in my face!I really can't believe he did that. Tried calling back but the phone seems to be off, won't ring. If I was already shaken, I was even more so after his confessions. What does he want? Drive me crazy or something? He said he dreamed of me, and maybe he was embarrassed by what he said, or by the dream?
Will“Mom, I...”My breath quickens, I open my eyes and realize that it was all a dream. I sit up in bed, my breathing still rapid. I take a deep breath and try to calm down. A feeling of frustration washes over me. It's not possible that this was all a dream, it was so real! My fingers touch my lips, I close my eyes and the whole scene plays out in my mind. If I keep having dreams like that, I'll go crazy.I leave the dressing room straight to the recording set. I walk there with great anxiety, we will record the kiss scene, and the kisses we exchanged in this last dream don't leave my head. I arrive on set, and the scene takes place in Wanchai's room, and Nate is sitting on the bed talking