Ethan Hernandez - April 2012Anne had left just over a week ago, but that didn't stop her from taking care of everything from afar.I looked at her last message on my phone, wondering if it would be right to fulfill her request."Ethan, please distract Sofia a little... I trust her to be strong and all, but it must be hard for her. Maybe a conversation or just going out for a while will help. Keep me informed, okay?"I had noticed Sofia distancing herself in the past few days; she was avoiding me. And I could only think that it was because of Nick.It didn't have to be like that; I just wanted to be there for her and help. I wanted to see Sofia become herself again. I wanted our friendship back.I observed her slow improvement from a distance. Her withdrawal symptoms had eased, but she always seemed too spacey, distracted. As if she wasn't really there.And that was my fear. If she no longer had alcohol as an escape, maybe her brain would find some other way to shut down and distance
Ethan Hernandez - April, 2012Sofia smiled weakly and looked away. Our conversation had come to an end, but I wouldn't let her go like that. She needed to know that she could show me her sad side as well without fear.Since we reunited, I had received anger and bitterness. If I wanted to reestablish our connection, I would have to accept it all. And I did accept it.I accepted her sadness, her grief, her tears, and her crises.I accepted it because I knew who she was beneath it all. I loved what was underneath, and I would learn to understand what she had become on the surface.I took her hand and squeezed it. Sofia didn't return my gaze, but she squeezed my hand back, and I could see a slight smile on her lips.The Ferris wheel was slowly ascending. It would take 30 minutes to complete a full rotation, so we hadn't reached the top yet.I alternated my gaze between the window view and her. I couldn't help it; she was so beautiful.My mind traveled back to years ago, with a younger and
Sofia Adams - April 2012I was in my fifth meeting when I noticed a new member of the group leaning against the wall, far away from me.I waved cheerfully at Mick as he gave me a weak smile. He looked terrible... He had deep circles under his eyes, his hair was more disheveled than usual, and his clothes were wrinkled. A thin layer of sweat dripped from his face, almost in a sickly way. All of this, combined with his downcast expression and tired posture, led me to a conclusion: Mick was going through detox. May God help him at this moment because I remembered all too well the hell it was.Before I could reach him to talk, people approached to take their seats in the chairs forming a circle.It was time to share.A few days had passed since I went out with Ethan. I felt much lighter and somewhat confused. So when it came time to share in the support group, I finally gathered the courage to speak up."Hi, my name is Sofia, and I'm an alcoholic," I said, following the greeting I had he
Sofia Adams - April, 2012It had been a month since I arrived in Vegas. I didn't imagine the changes it would bring to my life. Maybe I was right after all... Vegas was a turning point for me.My phone rings in my purse, and I quickly answer after seeing who it is."Hey, how's the baby?" I ask.Anne groans on the other end of the line."Why does it seem like every time I talk to someone, their first question is about the baby? Hello, I'm here too, and I'm the one carrying him!" she says.I laugh at Anne's grumpiness. Tom had been complaining that she had been a bit irritable lately. And I absolutely loved that."You would get along well with Sky. She's also expecting and super grumpy," I smile, thinking of the blonde dwarf from my AA group."She's in your group, right? How are the meetings going? What step are you on?" Anne asks.On one hand, it was difficult to talk about the meetings. It still made me feel weak, like I had failed. But on the other hand, it was also a relief to know
Sofia Adams - April 2012We walk through the streets of Las Vegas."Is the fourth step still keeping you up at night?" Ethan brings up our conversation again."I just don't understand what there is to evaluate. I did bad things, got it, next step," I say exasperatedly.Ethan laughs."I don't think it's that simple, Sofia..." We stop at a familiar park since we've come here a few times to talk."Tell me the complete step," Ethan requests, sitting on one of the plastic benches. I sit beside him."The fourth step: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. We were given instincts for a reason," I repeat.Ethan gazes into the horizon."Since these meetings started, I've been researching about it. The fourth step seems to be one of the hardest, and seeing you, I understand the difficulty. I think your main obstacle is not understanding why it's so important," Ethan says. I don't know how to feel when I hear that Ethan researched the twelve steps for me. It's confusing."Th
Sofia Adams - April, 2012I stare at Anne, unable to believe what she's saying."I'm just saying she's changed. Maggie isn't the horrible teenager she used to be," she defends."Whatever, I'm just grateful she doesn't live here with her parents. I don't need to see her, and she doesn't need to see me. Everyone's happy," I respond, annoyed."Is this about Ethan?" Anne asks, adjusting herself on the bed in the room where she's staying at Tom's aunt and uncle's house."What? Of course not," I reply, avoiding eye contact and twisting the sheets on the bed with my fingers. "I've already gotten over that silly relationship they had. I've forgotten about it, and she was his first, that's all in the past.""I can see that," Anne responds, smiling at me.I caress her protruding belly."So, have you found out what it is yet?" I ask, changing the subject.Anne looks thoughtful."Well, unless I give birth to a pumpkin, I believe it's a baby," Anne responds seriously.I laugh at her terrible joke.
Sofia Adams - April, 2012I leave the meeting room with Kate in tow and find Ethan outside. For a moment, I forgot about our dinner."What's wrong?" he asks, already sensing that something isn't right."Jones didn't come. He's not responding or answering, and we think he's in a bad state," I reply, without mentioning his sister's possible birthday. It's not my story to tell."Where do you think he could be?" Kate asks."We could check his nightclub..." I reply uncertainly. Those environments were always challenging for a recovering alcoholic. There's plenty of alcohol available and reminders of the old life.Kate sighs, understanding my dilemma."I can go in there and look for him," Ethan suggests, seeing our distress.We breathe a sigh of relief."Yes!" Kate exclaims, already heading towards the exit.We arrive at the nightclub and wait outside while Ethan goes in.Some people are outside with their bottles in hand, chatting and having fun."Do you miss it?" I ask. Sometimes, I feel
Ethan Hernandez - April, 2012Mr. Miller sent me another message asking if I accepted the offer.I send the following reply:"I'm still thinking, Sir. I promise to have an answer by May 1st."My phone immediately beeps."It will be two years traveling the world, Hernandez. You're young, you can make the most of this personal and professional experience. If it makes you more comfortable, I'm sure the costs of an additional traveler can be covered. Maybe that pretty friend of yours could go with you? ;)"I laugh at the message. Who would have thought my boss would play cupid. It's not the first time he suggests it; he's very generous.It would be a lie if I said that whenever the subject comes up, I don't stop to think. And to have a little hope.If Sofia were to come with me, traveling around and exploring places. Just the two of us enjoying our lives. It would be a dream.Before my mind wanders too much, I pull myself back to reality.Sofia is still slowly overcoming Nick's death. Sof