Chapter 40

Sofia Adams - May, 2012

Entering the house where I lived with Nick feels strange because it seems like a lifetime ago that I was here, not just two months. I gather all the cleaning supplies, garbage bags, and boxes that I will need.

Entering our bedroom is like being hit by a million memories all at once, including our last fight. Nevertheless, I stay strong and begin to clean. I carefully fold and store Nick's clothes that will be donated, pack away items I don't want to get rid of, and items that I know his parents would want.

After everything is sorted and sealed, I start cleaning the room. I change the sheets, take out the trash, and I even find the empty box of the pregnancy test from that night. It was never a possibility, and I feel sad for the children I never had with him. But it's a sadness that I now know I can bear, and I can do it all without alcohol.

I call Anne. I hear her sleepy "hello" from the other end of the line; I think I woke her up.

"I'm in my room," I say aft