CHAPTER 12: AFTERMATH OF THE KISS

IRYN'S POV

The silence right now feels louder than Fenric’s yelling from earlier.

It's practically humming in my ears even now, hours later, long after he stormed out and long after Orien left the room like he had messed up big time.

So I'm alone, again, and I hate it.

I'm sitting on the edge of the bed with my fingers still trembling and clenching the silk bed sheets.

My lips are sore, still tingling from the kiss that I hadn’t meant to start.

Goddess, I hadn’t even realized I was kissing Orien until it was too late, until the warmth of him wrapped around the ache I was feeling and I felt safe for just a second.

... A second that Fenric witnessed, and that second ruined... today.

“I didn’t mean to hurt him,” I whisper into the empty room. “I didn’t… I just…”

I trail off.

... I don’t know what I just did.

Blinking hurriedly, I press the heel of my palms into my eyes, trying to push back the tears.

I don't want to cry, I’m tired of crying.

I’m tired of feeling pulled in every direction, feeling every bond burn inside me like it's its own wildfire while I’m constantly trying to keep the flames from swallowing me whole.

... And then there’s that dream I can’t seem to forget.

How can I when what I saw was a Royal Omega torn apart by her mates.

Is that where I’m headed?

“Iryn?” a voice calls softly for me, and I jolt, my heart skipping a bit when I turn and see Nyall.

He steps in quietly, shutting the door behind him and his scent----- dark cedar--- rolls through the room, and I’m suddenly clinging to the comfort of it.

“I heard what happened,” he says, crossing the room and walking over to me.

“Fenric nearly tore through a mountain.”

I try to laugh if off, but the sounds comes out broken. “Sounds about right.”

Nyall kneels in front of me now, resting his hands gently on my thighs.

“Are you okay?”

I shake my head at that, “No. Yes... I don’t know.”

He doesn't say anything at that and just waits, patiently.

“I kissed Orien,” I whisper, dropping my gaze to my laps.

"I didn’t mean to… not really. I was burning, everything was burning, Nyall. I just needed—” My throat tightens and I add even more quietly.

“I needed someone.”

“I know,” he says softly. “I felt it too.”

“But you didn’t come," I say, looking up at him.

He looks away then. “I was trying to respect your space, I didn’t want to barge in and make things worse.”

Suddenly a breath shudders out of me in spite of myself, “I think being bonded to all three of you is going to destroy me.”

Instantly Nyall’s gaze snaps back to mine fiercely, “Don’t say that.”

“But I saw it,” I insist.

“In my dream, a Royal Omega, just like me was destroyed and ripped apart by her three Alpha mates. And now Fenric... he... he looked at me like as if I betrayed him.”

Nyall doesn’t speak or say anything to reply me at first, then slowly he rises and sits beside me on the bed, pulling me into his side.

“You’re not her,” he says. “And we’re not them.”

I shake my head slightly, “Sometimes it feels like you might be.”

His jaw clenches at that.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper and he exhales.

"Don’t be. You’re scared; I get it, but you have to trust us... even when we don’t trust ourselves.”

Not saying anything, I close my eyes and rest my head on his shoulder, feeling his arm wrap around me.

It's so warm and solid, maybe I could stay like this forever.

-----------------------

Later, when the triplets are all out training again------ separately this time----- I slip out of the quarters.

... And I don’t leave a note----- I don’t think I could explain myself anyway.

The thing is, the walls here feel like they’re caving in, literally.

It's like each breath I take inside that room steals something from me---- I need space, air and a minute to remember who I was before all of this.

The moment I step outside, the wind brushes my cheeks and I close my eyes, sucking in a breath and then open them again and move toward the winding garden paths which are just near the Moon Goddess temple grounds.

However, I'm not even halfway down the steps when I almost walk straight into someone.

“Oh!” I stumble.

“Iryn?”

I blink at that---- who knows my name?

... And then I look up into eyes that are all too familiar...

“Elayne?”

She looks… different.

She smiles, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. “I was hoping I’d run into you.”

That has me taking a worried step back. “Why?”

Wasn't she too angry during the mating ceremony?

“To apologize.”

That surprises me, so I can only gape at her without saying a word while she folds her arms and leans slightly on the stone railing, looking up at the evening sky though the moon isn't out yet.

“I was angry when the Moon Goddess chose you,” she says.

“I felt betrayed and felt as if everything I’d been raised to believe being the Beta's daughter meant nothing.”

“Lady Elayne----" I start, but she cuts me off gently.

“I’m not asking for sympathy, just… understanding. You didn’t ask to be chosen, and neither did I.”

I nod slowly, still not sure where this is going and she glances at me, then extends her right hand to me.

I stare at it blankly, wondering what the unfamiliar gesture from her means, and then she says;

“There’s a little tea shop in the lower woods rivate, and it's quiet there. Let me buy you a cup--- consider it my way of… extending a truce.”

I hesitate, hearing my instincts scream at me to say no, but...

She looks sincere.

And honestly? I need the quiet.

“…Okay,” I say softly. “Tea sounds nice.”

-----

The tea shop is tucked behind a thick grove of cypress trees which is hidden beneath a canopy of moss and leaves.

I've never seen this place before, so I suppose it's only for the higher ranked werewolves and low ranked serving Betas.

Elayne orders a rose hip blend---- a tea I've heard the others maids gossip about, but none of us have tasted.

... And Lady Elayne orders it for both of us while she lead me to sit beside her at a tiny stone table near the edge of the clearing.

She's being so nice.

Birdsong from hums from the air above us, and I have to say, it's peaceful here.

She chats about... well... things, like old festival memories, the upcoming Lunar Trials and even had me widening my eyes when she told me of how she once got caught sneaking out of the pack house during a storm to kiss a Gamma boy.

I laugh despite how awkward I feel sitting beside THE Lady Elayne that every she wolf envies, and every male wolf admires.

It feels… nice.

And then the tea arrives at the table and she pours it into a cup that the server set in front of me.

I smile awkwardly at her as she raised her own cup to me with a smile, and then I bring my cup up to my lips.

However moment it touches my tongue, my throat constricts just a bit.

It’s bitter, too bitter.

Is this how Rose hip tastes like?

It's awful.

I blink, and then blink again when my vision blurs at the edges

“Lady Elayne… what is this?”

She smiles at me, pulling her cup down from her lips, “Just tea.”

I nod at her, and bring the cup to my lips, but then my drops from my hand falls, shattering against the stone, but I don’t hear it.

... Because I’m already falling off from my chair, my eyes rolling to the back of my head.