2

Melis

When Berat held my hand and asked, “When should I come ask your father for your hand?” I was caught completely off guard. I hadn’t expected something like that. Normally, I should’ve been excited, but instead I froze. Maybe I’d lost my trust in men after my mother passed away and my father married his assistant almost immediately.

“We don’t know each other well enough yet. And university isn’t even over. I want to stand on my own feet first. I’ve already started researching good internships for after graduation.”

Berat frowned. “Your dad owns a huge company. Do you really need to work?”

I shrugged. “Maybe. But like you said, that’s my dad’s company. I have no intention of being his in-house attorney. I’ve spent years studying law to become a divorce lawyer. Hopefully, my first case will be my father’s.”

Berat looked at me with disappointment. It was the same look my dad gave me. He gave me that exact expression when I said I didn’t want to defend chickens in a corporate office. And it drove me crazy.

“Do you realize how many people would kill to be in your position? And yet you don’t want to work at the company.”

“Yes, I don’t. And I don’t want to talk about it anymore. My dad’s already driving me insane,” I said, growing annoyed.

“Alright, let’s drop it. We shouldn’t ruin the mood while we’re here together, my love.”

When Berat leaned closer, I gently pulled away. He looked hurt. “Melis, don’t you want me?”

“Look, this relationship is still really new… If my distance bothers you, we can break up.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I’ll wait for you until you’re ready. It’s no problem.”

But the truth was, I already felt uneasy deep inside. Berat was the most mature, intelligent, and cultured guy in our class. He was the kind of man most girls dreamed of. We’d grown close because his mother, like my family, was from Elazığ. What started as a friendship eventually turned into something more.

I had said yes to him months ago, drawn to how well-rounded and grounded he was. But now, something felt off. Like something was missing in our relationship. I don’t really believe in love, but I do believe passion is something every relationship needs. And I didn’t feel passion for Berat. Maybe it would come with time… or maybe ending it would be the best choice.

My mind was a mess. I decided to give it until graduation night and see what happened.

***

ONE WEEK LATER

Tuba called me on video in the afternoon. She usually just shows up at our place when she’s bored, so the video call caught me off guard.

“Melis,” she said, sniffing.

It looked like she had been crying. “Tubi, what’s wrong? Have you been crying?” I asked.

She blinked a few times and took a deep breath. “Our dads went bankrupt, Melis… We lost everything… I’m not okay… Mom’s crying too…” she said, and my eyes widened in shock.

“What? If something like that happened, my dad wouldn’t keep it from me. Are you sure, Tuba?”

“Ask my uncle. Ugh, my mom’s breaking things. I need to go check on her.” I was worried about Aunt Güler too, but I was too stunned to say anything before Tuba hung up.

Then I tried calling Tuba’s brother, Can, but I couldn’t reach him either. My anxiety only grew.

I couldn’t reach my dad either. And I definitely didn’t want to deal with that witch Özge. So I decided to get ready and head over to Uncle Özcan’s. At least I’d have someone to cry with there.

⸻

TWO WEEKS LATER

What does bankruptcy really mean? I understood the full weight of it when they came to seize our belongings and we ended up on the street with nothing.

Here’s the reality after a few weeks have passed:

My dad didn’t even tell my brother Doğu that he went bankrupt. He didn’t ask him to drop out and come home. Instead, he borrowed money from my aunt to cover his school expenses.

After they put a lien on Uncle Özcan’s house too, he rented a small place. I decided to stay with them until I finished university.

Despite my dad going bankrupt, Özge didn’t leave him. Maybe I was wrong about her. If she had married him for money, she probably would’ve packed up and left already. But the fact that she went with him to Elazığ makes me wonder if she really does love him.

Berat didn’t want me to leave, but my dad wouldn’t let me stay in Istanbul alone. Maybe it was for the best to end this relationship with distance between us. Maybe this is a sign.

*

While sitting across from Berat at the tea garden, I took a deep breath and turned to him as he held my hand.

“Berat… I’m leaving Istanbul in a few days, and when I go, I don’t want to leave anything behind that still ties me to this city. Breaking up is the best decision for both of us.”

“I love you, Melis… You’re overwhelmed because of your father’s bankruptcy. You’re not thinking clearly. Let’s give it some time. When you’ve pulled yourself together, I’ll be waiting for you in Istanbul, my love.”

“I’m not coming back, Berat.”

“Then I’ll come to you. My mom’s from Elazığ, remember? It won’t be unfamiliar.”

“Maybe we should just leave things to time. Once I’ve got my life in order, we’ll talk.”

“Alright, my love. Whenever you need anything, don’t hesitate to call me. And when you’ve cleared your head, I’ll come see you. Maybe I’ll even convince you to marry me…”

“I don’t know, Berat. I’m just so tired of everything. Right now, my only priority is to stand on my own two feet.”

“I have an uncle in Elazığ who’s a lawyer. If you want, I can call him. He might help you get an internship.”

“I’ll manage on my own. Don’t worry about me.”

“No way, I’m calling him. I’m going to arrange something for you. At least let me do that.”

“Alright, I won’t say no.”

Talking to him had eased my mind a little. I had no idea what I was going to do in a city I hadn’t been to in years. But knowing there might be a lawyer I could connect with made things a little less intimidating.

“My uncle’s name is Rüzgar Esenler…”

“Hopefully he agrees.”

Berat gently stroked my cheek. “Of course he will. I’ll have my dad call him personally. I’ll let you know. One day, we’ll have our own law firm together.”

“Please don’t talk like that… I don’t want to give you false hope. I really need time. After the bankruptcy, I’ve lost all motivation for anything.”

“I know, Melis. I’m patient. I’ll wait for you.”

“I want us to stay friends, Berat. You’re important to me.”

“You’re everything to me. I’m not going to walk away from you just because times are hard. Now go, Melis. We’ll see each other again soon.”

I couldn’t bring myself to tell Berat that this relationship was over. I didn’t want to break his heart. He truly meant something to me—first and foremost, he was a dear friend. And just because we gave love a try for a few months, I didn’t want to lose that friendship.

“Goodbye, Berat.” At that moment, two silent tears rolled down my cheeks. Leaving Berat, the city I was born in, my old life, and the law faculty where I had spent most of my days—it was all enough to make my heart ache.

Berat pulled me into a tight hug. “I love you, Melis. Don’t forget me…” he whispered.

After slipping his business card into my bag, I went home. I don’t know if I’ll ever see him again. Or if, like he said, he’ll wait for me. Maybe he’s right. If I ever come out of this mess and call him, maybe that means I really do love him.

Then again, by that time, he might’ve fallen for one of the many girls constantly chasing after him. For now, love is the last thing on my mind. I have a family to think about.

***

On my last day in Istanbul, a deep sadness settled in my chest. As I packed my suitcase, every item I touched felt like reliving a memory. Knowing I would leave all my memories behind in this city made my heart ache. I never imagined it would be this hard to tear myself away from a place that had felt like home for so many years.

⸻

Two days later, I graduated. I didn’t even attend the graduation ball. I just couldn’t deal with my friends’ pointless questions.

I bought a ticket to Elazığ and left without looking back.

After landing and picking up my suitcase, I looked around as I walked down the corridor and stepped outside. Just as I was about to board the shuttle, I spotted my father waiting by the road. He had come to pick me up in my grandfather’s old, worn-out car.

I couldn’t even remember the last time I had been to Elazığ. Before high school, we used to visit during the holidays. But once I started high school, with all the tutoring and intense study schedules, my dad started going alone.

Now, starting over in this small, unfamiliar city felt terrifying. It wasn’t just a new chapter. It was a whole new book, and I had no idea how the first page would go.