Casual Turned Special

My name is Madison Waters. 

My heart has been broken one too many times. I've given up on love and on relationships since last year. I'm done trying to find "Mr. Right," that's for sure. 

Right now, I'm lounging on my sweet expensive sofa, sipping on a cold beer as I watch a movie on the TV. I'm waiting for someone to arrive. This person has been with me since I broke my heart last year. We share the same sentiments on love and on relationships. 

Looking back, I still find it funny that we were both getting wasted at the same bar after breaking up with our partners last year. I could still remember him handing me a glass and telling me, "he's an ass. You were stupid to have fallen for his ass-ness." 

I just looked at him, smirked, and said, "I bet you didn't know she was hitting it up with somebody else, did you?" 

He giggled to himself, "Yeah, I was stupid enough to believe she's been having a 'girls' night in' every other weekend." He sips on his glass. I think I saw a tear fall from his eyes but I let it pass. It must be hard for a man to find out that his girlfriend cheated on him. They say it's more of a pride thing, but I think it's just the same for everyone—men and women.

We spent the whole night talking about what happened to our unfortunate lives. Weirdly, it didn't end up with us sleeping together that night. We exchanged numbers and started hanging out the next few days. It turns out, he was such a decent guy. But just like me, he had deep emotional scars.

My thoughts got interrupted because of the doorbell ringing. I ran to the door to let him in. "Hey!" I greeted. "Did you start without me?" He takes his shoes off and slips on his designated slippers. That's how at home he is here. He has his own stuff.

"No, I didn't. I'm watching something else Chelsea recommended," I replied. I walked towards the kitchen, opened my fridge, and fetched a bottle of beer. "Here," I hand him his bottle and sat beside him on the couch.

He changed the movie to the one we talked about watching. Just like any other night that he's here, we'd hang out, talk about random things and then he'll say, "Is it so wrong of me as a man, to take you right now?"

Then I'd smile, and say, " You talk too much, Blake." Just like that, he'd carry me towards the bedroom, without breaking any contact and we'd enjoy each other's touch and warmth.

What I like about our setup is that I don't feel bad or less of a woman afterward. It's mostly because he makes sure I wouldn't feel that way. We'd usually cuddle in silence or continue our topic from before. Sometimes, we'd just laugh for no reason at all. Other times, he'd just hug me from behind and we'd fall asleep.

This time, the latter happened. He fell asleep first. I knew as soon as his arms became heavy around my torso. Being careful not to wake him, I reached for the bed cover and place it on top of us.

At times like this, I don't face him. I'm not sure what to feel if I do. I'm afraid to feel something that I've been avoiding so hard to feel for months and ruin this perfect little setup that we have.

I don't want to go through what I've gone through last year. The pain was so deep that it scarred me for life. More importantly, I don't want to lose what I and Blake have—a good and strong foundation of friendship.

It took us roughly 6 months before we decided to try this arrangement. We were casually hanging out at my place when we realized we missed it. We miss that one integral part of being in a relationship.

Neither of us wanted to start a new relationship. We didn't want the emotions that come with it. We just want to satisfy that very need.

I remember looking into each other's eyes as if we understood that we both want to do it, without the commitment. We swore we'd be casual about it. I mean, we were good friends. We'd be in each other's lives like best friends, and avoid the jealousy, the mandated priority, and all the mixed emotions that came with it.

I admit, the morning after we first did it was a bit awkward. I think he was worried that I'd feel bad about myself. However, I reassured him saying, "Hey, stop feeling bad. I liked it. In fact, one of the best so far. We good, right?"

He shyly smiled and patted my head, "Stop acting so tough all the time, Waters. But I guess, it wasn't that bad for me too."

"Wasn't that bad?! Well, excuse me, Mr. Garette!" I argued in a high-pitched tone. He just laughed at me as he made his way to the bathroom. He tried to keep it cool and so did I.

Well, he never admitted to anything that day but we still did it, obviously. I'd still find myself giggling whenever I remember that moment. From there on, this became our casual routine. Every Friday after he works or whenever either of us was feeling a bit "in the mood."

I found myself falling asleep as he tightened his arms around me burying his face on the nape of my neck. How did we even manage to keep our emotions at bay? Sometimes, being emotionally broken has its perks.

This setup can be more perfect? What could ever go wrong?