7- Future sticks

Arielle

Arielle.

When I got back to the apartment the silence felt too heavy like it had teeth and was ready to bite into my skin if I made one wrong move. I won’t even mind it biting me to be honest, maybe I need a hit of reality check.

The place still smelled faintly of Kurt’s cologne and cigarettes but he wasn’t home. He was probably at the club since he practically lived there and had a room tucked upstairs which was why he even offered me this place to squat in the first place.

He had made it clear it was temporary, a safe spot only because I had nowhere else to go. And if this didn’t work (if I wasn’t pregnant like I prayed I was) then I had nothing. No home and no pack and possibly no stripping job either.

Nothing but the ugly truth that I had failed at the one reckless plan I dared to believe in. The thought of leaving the pack made my chest tighten until I felt dizzy.

I wanted to be part of this world so badly. I wanted my name written in the pack’s history amd wanted to rise from the shadows of a forgotten bastard into someone great. But dreams didn’t matter if I didn’t survive tonight.

I locked the door and went straight to the bathroom clutching the small paper bag that was far too light for all the hope I had placed in it. My last money scraped together with tips and coins and utter desperation had gone into buying the three tests.

Three sticks!!!

That was all my fate had boiled down to. I tore the bag open with shaking fingers and unwrapped the first test then the second then the third lining them on the sink as if setting up soldiers for battle. I guess they were my soldiers.

My hands wouldn’t stop trembling as I lowered my panties and sat down peeing carefully over each stick one after the other like the instructions had screamed at me to.

My cheeks burned with shame and my throat was tight but I forced myself to finish before tossing them onto the sink and washing my hands furiously like I could scrub away all the fear. I feel like a fraud that should be put in the dungeon for this. But I need to survive.

I stood by the side of the cramped bathroom leaning against the wall amd pressing my fist to my lips as tears stung my eyes. My heartbeat was pounding so violently it felt like my ribs couldn’t hold it in.

Every second stretched like hours while I watch the tiny digital timers on the sticks glow faintly back at me. I couldn’t even bring myself to look at them. All I could do was breathe in sharp gasps and try not to crumble.

My mind spiraled back to a memory Professor Danvers one of the few who never looked at me like I was trash like I didn’t belong. His voice came to me so clearly echoing in my head the way he always spoke when he caught me in the library long after classes had ended.

“Arielle you’ve got something burning in you. I see it. You want more than just average. You want to be great.” he had said once leaning against my desk while I scribbled notes.

“I want it so badly Professor. I don’t just want to pass exams or scrape by. I want my name to matter. I want people to remember me ans I want to help.” I had smiled shyly clutching my notebook like a shield.

“Good.” he said firmly his silver brows lowering with that serious lool that always made me sit straighter.

“But you have to understand that the world doesn’t hand greatness to you. You have to fight for it. And in our kind especially for women like you, it takes more than intelligence. It takes grit and it takes survival. You’ll need your wolf to rise to her full strength. You’ll need to master your control balance your hormonal surges and make peace with the shifts when they come.”

“I can do it.” I whispered back to him that day clinging to the certainty in my own voice even if it wasn’t backed by anything solid.

“You remind me of someone I once knew. Just promise me you’ll never let anyone crush that fire. One day Arielle, if you’re still standing when the rest have been broken you will be more than they ever expected.” He chuckled then but not unkindly.

Even now the memory made my throat ache because I wanted so badly to believe him. I wanted to see myself as that person he painted. Someone worth fighting for and worth remembering.

But standing here my whole future tied to three flimsy tests on a sink I didn’t feel great. I felt small and desperate and so afraid.

I pressed my forehead against the cold bathroom wall and whispered to myself like a prayer.

“Please… let me be pregnant. Please.”

Because if I wasn’t I was done for. If I wasn’t there was no reason for Kael to even glance at me again. No reason for the pack to see me as anything but trash. My stomach twisted not just with nerves but with the ache of hunger.

Ihad skipped dinner because I couldn’t afford it. The irony almost made me laugh. I don’t want to finish everything in Kurt’s house either.

Seconds dragged by and the room felt smaller even the air was heavier. My ears rang with the sound of my own pulse louder than anything.

Finally I opened my eyes and forced myself to look across the sink where the tests lay. My knees almost buckled from the weight of it. The results were there now waiting to change everything.

But I didn’t move closer. I stood there staring across the tiny bathroom my chest rising and falling as if I had run miles. I didn’t reach for them yet. My fate was on those sticks. My future with my dream of belonging along with the dream of greatness.

And I couldn’t bring myself to know yet.