UNFAMILIAR DESIRES

Chapter 7

UNFAMILIAR DESIRES

Natalia's P.O.V

I couldn't sleep the whole night.

No matter how tightly I shut my eyes or how hard I tried to quiet down all the thoughts in my mind.

Sleep never came.

I just laid stiff under the expensive silk sheets that felt cold on my skin.

This is definitely going to be a tough night.

The annoying part was that there were always three people on my mind whenever I closed my eyes and tried to stop thinking.

Why did they have to drag me in that study room alone with them?

I kept replaying the moment we all felt the bond in my head.

Feeling pretty unsure of myself at that moment I had looked up to the boys and the first person my eyes landed on was Cassian.

He had a shocked expression when our eyes met and I had an unbearable ache that exploded inside my chest at that moment 

A hard lump blocked my windpipe and I pulled myself up in a sitting position on the bed.

Each heartbeat feels like a fist punching inside my ribcage as I continue remembering his face.

I don't think I've ever seen him shaken up like that, I always had the thought that nothing really bothers him.

Anytime I felt his hot breath hovering, and I dared look up, he always had this demeaning glare and a knowing smirk. 

I don't think I've seen a jawline so sharp and flawlessly carved like his.

And his hair……

Even without ever having run my fingers through it, I believed they were as soft as silk, back in high school I was so obsessed with knowing how the texture felt..

It was midnight black, the shiny waves it was always in made my chest ache with a quiet pathetic yearning. 

I badly want to feel them..

He had tried to stop me from leaving the study on seeing me frightened and scrambling to leave, I think he looked worried for me.

Or maybe not…is this wishful thinking?

I'm a bit glad Karl stopped him. He opened the door for me in that hysterical moment.

When I had looked at Karl, his amber eyes had some sort of clarity that I could trust, I left with ease on seeing him.

I felt so reassured.

Come to think of it, his eyes also had the kind of light you’d expect on an immortal who looked down at human suffering with amused detachment. 

He has always had this contradictory aura around him.

He was always effortlessly perfect, I don't think I've ever seen him flustered, my mind scrambled on what he must have thought of me that night.

He was always so apathetic to everyone.

Kade on the other hand never said anything after we all felt it, I could feel his gaze on him, I don't think he took his eyes off me the whole time.

I remembered the warmth of his presence last night, the way his broad shoulders seemed to swallow the light around him.

He had his hands to his chest and was squeezing it hard.

What were his feelings that night? Was it the same as my feelings?

His suit was unbuttoned. I could see a vein throbbing at the base of his throat down to his cleavage. 

I had always dreamt of feeling his skin, it had the golden hue of the sun-warmed clay. He had such a soft face that made him look innocent. But his body on the other hand was built for destruction.

I frowned at myself for thinking about all this constantly, I really don't want any of this!

Can't believe I'm yearning for those devils.

Then Tasha's voice did its own wonders in my head as well.

‘Reject the bond with Cassian.’

‘You can have the other brothers instead.’

I laid down again and turned onto my side with a frustrated groan.

The ticking sound I could hear down the hallway added to my frustrations.

Tasha had no idea what the bond felt like. Or maybe she did? Wait! Does she?

I squeezed my eyes shut.

She sounded so confident while saying she would help me reject it, has she done it before, just so she could only be with Cassian?

“What am I thinking now!” I pinched my nose.

Tick. Tick . Tick

Argh! I don't want any part of this! I was really happy abroad, I had finally escaped this family,I learned to breathe again.

Why did I ever agree to come back after Mom called…no she begged me to return, saying things had changed.

I'm actually the biggest fool here.

I came back like a fool to the worst things I could ever imagine happen. My Mom's married to the King Alpha and I'm his three son’s Mate.

I laughed at myself.

Of all the men in the world...

I pulled my palms up to my face.

I don't think these feelings I have will be easy for me to control.

I feel so lonely now, lonelier than I have ever felt before, I wanted someone by my side.

Cassian 

Karl

Kade..

This is so annoying.

I hate how powerless I feel.

Do I really have to agree with Tasha's ridiculous plans?

It would be for my benefit.

The mate bond is growing stronger.

Even now, I feel I can almost sense exactly where Cassian, Karl and Kade were inside the mansion.

I wonder if they do too…..

no no no I definitely can't stay.

I fear the longer I remain here, resisting them would become hard for me.

I've always hated them since four years ago, I hate feeling this way all of a sudden.

From the looks of things I'm left with only one option and I'm not going to be playing as Tasha's pawn.

I'll leave.

I'm going to go back abroad, I'll disappear before everything gets out of hand.

I felt my heart beat calming down a bit.

Yes I'll pack my things first thing in the morning and book the first available flight.

No one could stop me….Could they?

Tick. Tick. Tick 

A cold shiver ran through me.

Cassian wasn't just anyone, he was the future Alpha.

His authority extended far beyond this city, If he wanted someone found, They'd surely would be found within hours.

Especially if that someone was his Mate.

Would they search for me?

If he felt a longing for me as well, he wouldn't want me far.

Escaping isn't going to be as easy as I planned.

Alpha black is infamous for being authoritative.

I can't leave this entire estate on my own without permission from the Alpha.

This whole place probably functioned like a fortress.

Leaving wouldn't be as simple as just buying plane tickets.

I'd have to leave the estate first, without anyone noticing, without Cassian or the other brothers sensing me, without Alpha Black asking questions.

And also without Mother trying to stop me. Would she though? 

No, she'd probably want Tasha to be with Cassian too.

I sighed deeply.

Maybe I'm just overthinking things right now, maybe Cassian wanted nothing to do with me either.

He would probably want to reject the bond himself if there really was a way.

Wouldn't that solve everything?

He could reject the bond…they could all reject the bond.

This thought should be reassuring, but instead, something inside my chest hurts.

I frowned at myself.

This is what I want.

I want to be free of all this.

Why does the thought of them rejecting me make my heart ache?

Tick. Tick. Tick

I shook my head violently.

"No." I whispered aloud.

"This is the mat

e bond talking."

It has to be, because logically,there is no reason I should care.

The grandfather clock somewhere down the hallway chimed.

It jolted me back to reality.

Wait, what time is it?