Chapter 17: The Discussion

kai's POV

'What the fuck did I just hear.' My mind scrambled as I pulled the car to a stop on the side of the road.

Okay, I was finding him quite amusing because he said he didn’t have any questions and now he has tons of them, and I’m going to answer every single one. But what did he mean by Lila never stopped when he asked her to? What if I don't stop when he wants me to? Or am I not understanding this question right? I don’t think he meant to spill it, but thank goodness he did. Oh Lila, such a stupid tramp. She did things against his will.

I held Ren’s hands in mine, thumbs stroking slowly over his knuckles as I watched him. He was trembling, eyes glassy with unshed tears, the weight of his past pressing down on him so heavily I could almost feel it in the air between us. My chest ached at how small he looked in that moment — brave enough to voice his deepest fears, yet still braced for me to dismiss them or lash out like Lila had.

When he finally fell quiet, I didn’t rush. I let the silence sit for a second, then leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. He shivered under it.

“Kitten… I hear every single word you just said, and I’m glad you said them.” I kissed his cheek next, slow and deliberate. “That fear is real, and it’s valid after what Lila put you through. You don’t have to trust the book. You don’t even have to trust me fully yet. Trust is earned, not demanded.”

I brushed my thumb across his other cheek, then kissed the tip of his nose, making him blink in surprise. “And right now, your job isn’t to hand over control — it’s to protect yourself until you’re ready.”

I lingered on his lips this time, a slow, gentle kiss that tasted like salt from his tears. When I pulled back just enough to speak against his mouth, my voice was low and steady.

“Here’s the truth, the BDSM way: You hold the real power. Always. Nothing happens without your consent. Not a single touch, not a command, not even the air you breathe in a scene. If you say ‘Red,’ everything stops instantly — no questions, no anger, no punishment. If you use any safe word we agree on, I stop. If you change your mind tomorrow, next week, or in the middle of a scene, it ends. That’s not just a rule. It’s the foundation of everything between us.”

I kissed him again, softer this time, then rested my forehead against his. “As for overriding decisions during health crises or self-endangerment… that would only ever happen if you pre-negotiate and explicitly give me that authority during a calm, healthy conversation. It’s not a blank check for me to control you. It’s you choosing to let me help when your mind is lying to you — making sure you eat, take meds, or stay safe when depression or old trauma tries to win. Even then, you keep a safeword. You can revoke it anytime. I am not Lila. I will never take what isn’t willingly given.”

I pulled back just enough to meet his eyes again, my hand still cupping his cheek. “I’m bigger. Stronger. Richer. Yes. And that means I have a greater responsibility to never abuse that. If I ever get tired of you — I doubt that but even if, I will tell you like a man, not discard you like trash. You are not a plaything. You are my partner — my submissive, if you choose to be. I want you here because you want to be here, not because I trapped you. We go slow. We talk every step. We build this together. And if at any point you decide this life isn’t for you, the door is open. You keep the penthouse, the money I already promised, and my respect.”

I pressed one last lingering kiss to his lips, then rested my forehead against his again. “You couldn’t stop Lila because she never respected you. I’m not her. I want your surrender because it’s freely given, not forced. When you’re ready to kneel, it will be because you trust that I will always catch you. Until then… we date. We talk. You set every limit. And I prove, every single day, that your power is safe with me.”

Ren stayed quiet for a long moment, gaze fixed on our joined hands. I watched the tension slowly bleed from his shoulders, his breathing evening out as my words sank in. When he finally looked up, his eyes were wet but clearer — something fragile and hopeful flickering there.

“I… I want to believe you,” he whispered, voice cracking. “I really do. No one’s ever said that to me before — that I still have the power. That I can stop everything. They never… she never let me have that. She just took.”

He swallowed hard, fresh tears slipping free, but he didn’t pull away. Instead, he leaned into my touch like he was starving for it.

“I’m scared, Sir. Terrified. Of trusting again. Of handing over control and waking up discarded. But… the way you talk about it, the way you’re looking at me right now… it doesn’t feel like a trap.” A shaky breath left him. “I don’t know if I’m ready to kneel or sign anything big yet. But I want to try. Slowly. With the safewords and the talks and… all of it. Just don’t give up on me when I flinch or freak out, okay? I’m trying. For you… I want to try.”

He squeezed my hands back, tentative but real, and pressed his forehead against my chest, muffling his next words against my shirt.

“Thank you for not getting angry. For listening. It makes me want to be good for you… even if I’m still scared.”

I unstrapped him, pulled him close and wrapped my arms around him fully, pulling him into my lap, one hand cradling the back of his head while the other rubbed slow, soothing circles on his back. My sweet, brave boy. Still bruised, still wary — but reaching for me anyway.

“You’re already good for me, Ren,” I murmured into his hair, voice rough with something I wasn’t ready to name. “Just by being honest. We’ll take all the time you need.”

And for the first time in years, I wondered if I wasn't the one truly surrendering.