Chapter 25: Toxic

Emery’s POV

I wasn't asleep.

I closed my eyes when I noticed Killian sleeping was fading off. 

Observing him, I knew he was waking up. His breathing had gotten softer and that was always my cue to close my eyes shut. 

He didn't leave immediately and I was tempted to open my eyes, but I had to wait, I had to see what he would do. 

And I felt it, I felt his hand brush the strands of my hair, which had fallen to my face.

His touch was so soft that I almost leaned in but I had to restrain myself 

“Everything I do, I do for you and only you” he whispered softly

I had never heard his voice that soft.

The pressure on the other side of the bed had lessened. He had gotten up.

I took a quick peek at his movement, and I caught him staring at the black Journal, the one that held the secrets of Gina's deaths

I couldn't face him.

Not yet. I had accepted to stay, but I hadn't come to terms with his ways. 

I watched him walk out of the room. A call came in.

Immediately, he left. I jumped out of the bed, opened the wardrobe, and picked out any clothes I could get my hands on. I didn't even have my bath. I just used my mouthwash and applied some makeup.

I called his driver to drive me out. I had no time to lock the door because I didn't want him to see me. If he had, he would have stopped me.

I had booked a private hotel ballroom where my conference would be held. It was a conference that was titled ‘My Story’. I was to tell my story, my version of it to the world, my truth not the one that was fabricated by public opinion, and the only version that had been accepted

I wanted to spread my wings.

I had begun to answer the questions that were asked by the reporters. I knew they didn't care, they were just hungry to get their hands on a story to put out there. Something to tell the Public, and I was giving them just that.

“So you were never a golddigger,” reporter one asked

“How do you describe your relationship with Mr Killian?” reporter two asked

“What caused your divorce from Tobias”

“Who do you prefer, Mr Killian or Mr Tobias?”

I smiled at their questions. Not all questions needed answers, and the question they were asking wasn't to be answered. It was just their way to try to twist my truth.

I answered questions that were to be answered and gave no comment to the ones that weren't. I was answering one of the reporter's questions when I saw Killian at the entrance.

He stared at me.

I whisper a silence

‘don't’ 

I know he heard me. He had read my lips yet he ignored it and pushed through the crowd of reporters and walked straight up to the stage where I was standing.

Mel had told him, she was the only one who knew where I was. I had shared my location with her and she had sworn not to tell Killian my whereabouts. But Killian can be very persuasive so I couldn't blame her. She had been friends with him long before I knew him. 

When he got to where I was standing, His hands interlocked with mine. He tried to pull me off the stage, but I had to stand my ground.

“I said…” but he cut my words short even before I began

“I’m not letting you do this alone,” he whispered

I clenched my jaw. “You mean you’re not letting me do it without you in control?” I asked

But I got no response. He knew I was right. I had always been right

 “This is suffocating, Killian. I can’t breathe when you are around.” I whispered back.

I had shifted the mic a little bit further from us so the reporters wouldn't catch a glimpse of what we were talking about. I had a tight Smile on my face just for the camera

“I’m trying to protect you.”

“You’re trying to own me.”

“When would the topic ever get old? How long were we going to go back and forth on the topic? I didn't want to be owned. I wanted to be free. Be happy. Have a voice and not hide under your shadow. I don't want to be owned. Not again”

He flinched. I saw his chest rise and go down.

I was right. I had always said the things he refused to accept. The truth he hides from. We continued our conversation with a tight smile plastered on our faces, as the camera kept on clicking.

I heard some reporters calling my name and his, but we weren't listening. Our eyes were on each other. We were having a silent battle

“You don’t trust me to stand on my own,” l whispered. “But I’m not yours to keep locked away. Not anymore.” I felt my heart lightened as I whispered those words to him because I was tired of always going back to the topic

I saw him part his mouth. I guess he wanted to reassure me like he always does. But before he could speak a loud clash that scattered the crowd distracted us. 

It was a gunshot from a reckless driver in a black windowless car. He had screeched down the narrow streets and stopped right at the front of the hotel 

I let out a scream as my heart jumped into my mouth. I had never heard a gunshot. 

Killian had already held a gun but I had never heard him shoot it, not even the day he came to rescue me. 

Killian shoved me behind the press barrier, his body shielding mine. 

I heard screams of reporters as they ran in different directions. A reporter fell beside us, her blood created a pool beneath her.

Killian pulled me up and dragged me out of the ballroom. As we exited, I missed a step and fell, Killian pulled me up almost carrying me

“We have to move—now!” Killian said almost shouting

Killian's men had already surrounded us, their guns had been drawn, and they pushed us toward the exit on the side of the building.

I wasn't told twice before I hopped on the waiting car, through the ride, Killian held my hands and refused to let go

“Was this also Crest doing?” I asked breathlessly 

But he didn't respond, his eyes were focused on the road. When we arrived at the estate, it was already shut down with Killian's teams patrolling. 

The moment the driver parked the car, I pulled my hands from his

“You said you would protect me,” I whispered. “But you never told me what I'm being protected from.”

And for the first time since we got to the estate, Killian finally turned to face me

“I had tried to keep you in the dark so you wouldn’t fear what I had become,” he said. “But… You saw it and you are in it.”

“So tell me,” I snapped my heart racing. I wanted to know, but at the same time, I didn't. “Tell me what this is? Who are they? Why was I shot like some disposable headline?”

He looked into my eyes like he was searching for my very core, and a cruel smile grew on his face. Then he said, “Because you matter. And when something or someone matters in this world, there's someone out there who would always want to break it.”

My throat dried up. “So you mean it's because I matter to you?”

He didn’t nod, he just walked into his mansion that sat on the estate property.

We had moved out of his penthouse to his estate. According to Killian, it was for security reasons 

I didn't let him go as I matched after him, barking “answer me”

Then he stopped just a few steps away from a room that I didn't know what it was for. “Yes, happy now?” He asked before walking into the room

I stood frozen on the spot, I hadn't expected him to be so direct about it. I mean, he was Killian, and anything was possible.

I stood there rooted to the ground for minutes with his words playing over and over again before going to my assigned room.

The estate was big and I hadn't familiarized myself with the place and would occasionally lose my way when we had first moved in but it had become easier.

An hour later, Killian came into my room. We had an argument, it was one of our most common disagreements— his need to be in control and my need to be free.

He had continuously refused my right to freedom, to spread my wings and fly. He would already disturb the flow of any plans I had to be free. Too scared that my plan would jeopardize his strategy. 

At first, he had thought I was just acting on my emotions because the gunshots experience was news, and that I wouldn't be able to handle it all

Maybe he was right, but it wasn't all about me, but he didn't see that. He didn't understand, and I had been screaming for a long time, yet he couldn't fully hear me.

“You need to stop this,” I cried out The argument was getting out of hand and the room was getting smaller by the second, I gasped for air 

“I just saved your life,” he shouted, his hands covering his face as he paced the room

“You keep saying that,” I had snapped, “but it’s your world that keeps putting me in danger in the first place!”

“Aren't you tired of all this?” I asked my voice tightened

“You think this is about me?”

“No, I think it is about your obsession with control. You can’t just stand the thought that I might make a move you didn’t plan for. Am I wrong?” 

I saw his Adam's apple move up and down, like my words had shut him up.

“You want honesty?” I asked, closing the gap between us. “I don’t trust you anymore, Killian. Not with my decisions. Not with my freedom. And maybe not even with my heart.”

“I love you,” he said. “But I can’t protect you if you keep walking into fire.”

I stared at him, my breathing turned ragged, and the room was getting smaller by the minute. “Then maybe you’re the fire.”

“This isn't working, don't you see it? Don't you see that this is toxic?” I asked, my voice choked out, and I felt a burn in my throat.

I could feel my tears threatening to burst out. I could feel it from my dry mouth to my burning throat to my twitching eye

He stopped pacing and leaned on my bedside stand. “You think we are toxic?” 

“You don't think so?”

“I think…”

Before Killian could finish his sentence, there was a sharp crack, and then came the shattering sound of glass filling the room, and a few seconds later, something whistled through the air. It was loud I had begun to follow the sound

But I had barely turned my head before I felt Killian’s arms locked around me. My back hit the floor with a grunt as his body covered mine. We were locked in that moment with me beneath him, his body pressed so tightly to mine.

“I have got you,” he whispered, hoarse.

I clung to his shirt like it was the only thing anchoring me to reality.

The next thing I heard was a hissing sound, and then there was thick gray smoke. The smoke had clawed into my throat and my eyes and blurred out my vision.

“What's that?” I coughed out

"Smoke grenade, don’t breathe it in!" Killian shouted but it was already too late because I had inhaled too much

Then Killian's guard busted the door open. I heard gunshots but didn't know from which direction