Chapter 208: Machala

I'm sure people had horrible night terrors and handled them better than I did. Saying mine aloud made them feel inconsequential. "A mirror or the reflection from water. I see me-starving, skeletal, always trying to say something. I fade to dust and I realize it isn't really me. It's Vachala." A calmness was settling over me. For years I kept this hidden. My father never knew. My mother died with me hating her, but more than that I hated my weakness. Even now I couldn't find a way to forgive myself. My mother should have chosen Vachala and left me to die. I used pain to prove I was strong. The more the better.

I rolled over in Luke's arms and faced him. "I don't know why I can't breathe when I wake up. I know when I was hospitalized, I couldn't breathe. That was the last time I saw her." I could picture her so easily because whenever I looked in a mirror, she was there. "We were only babies, but that bond is unbreakable. I imagined her holding my hand for years. I could feel her soft f