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Viola
I leave Lara’s office and take the subway home. I can’t stop thinking about Rick. How can the world be so small? Where is the justice in this world, I wonder? I meet the most gorgeous man in the world and we almost get it on before he tells me how skewed his views of love, relationships, and marriage are. Then, when I meet him again, he tells me he’s seeing someone. Why not me? Then in a matter of weeks, he goes from seeing someone to getting married?
I can’t believe it. I’m angry. It’s as if the universe keeps rubbing him in my face. You like him. You want to see him. You want to be with him. You can’t have him.
I’m so distracted in my thoughts I can’t find my keys. I search for them in my bag. My digging and scratching get more and more frustrated as I near my door. I’m so busy looking for my keys I don’t see him.
“I think it’s harder for men to f
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Cold Feet Viola
I’m mad. I’m angry. He always does this to me. My inner voice says if he makes you angry, why are you standing here so close to him?Shut up, I tell my inner voice. I am close. Too close. But I don’t want to move away. This is my kitchen, after all. My apartment. Well, not mine, but you know what I mean.He’s gazing into my eyes and he’s close enough that I notice his eyes studying my face. They settle on my lips and I swallow. I lick my lips nervously before his eyes move down over my body.I take my coffee and turn away. I move around the small island in the middle of the kitchen and head for the door. He watches me go and then picks up his coffee and follows me.I lead the way to the living room and I’m pretty sure his eyes are on my ass. Why did I wear these shorts, I wonder?I remain standing as I wait for him to sit down. He takes his seat on the sofa where he sat before.
Cold Feet Rick
I look at Viola on the other side of the room.“What happened?” I ask.“I can’t… we can’t do this. Please go,” she says. Then, as if realizing for the first time that she’s topless, she covers herself with her arm and moves back to the sofa where she snags her top off the floor and pulls it over her head. I watch her as she lifts her hands over her head to put her top on. The movement lifts her breasts and accentuates them and then she’s dressed again.“Please go,” she says again.Viola, c’mon. Let’s talk…”“Get out!” she shouts.I get up and make my way to the entrance hall. I open the door and let myself out. She follows me at a distance still covering her breasts even though she’s wearing her top again. I look back at her once I’m outside the apartment.“Let’s just talk,” I say in a calm voice.
Cold Feet Rick
When I get home I have a few more drinks as I sit in the dark of my living room pondering my discussion with Lewis. I decide that he’s right. Much of what he said is true. I’ve never been in a long-term relationship before. That’s my own doing I know, but people change and I don’t feel bad about wanting to change. Why should I? On the other hand, it makes sense that I want to stick with what I know which is the one-night stand lifestyle. That would explain my longing for Viola. Maybe I’m only interested in her because she’s the one that got away. If we have sex, I might lose interest. Am I going to do that at the expense of a sure thing with Christine?When I think of it in that context I make peace with my thoughts and I’m grateful that nothing more happened between Viola and me.Feeling a sense of peace I head off to bed and drift off to sleep with a small thought knocking on the door of my mind. It’s small but it
Cold Feet Viola
We finish the meeting and we finish our coffee, but neither of us gets up to leave. We sit looking at each other making awkward small talk.Rick finally decides to venture down the path we’ve been avoiding and I know it’s time to leave.“Viola…”“… don’t,” I cut him off. “Please. My job is to see you get married and that’s what I’m going to do.” I pack up my things and stand. “I’ll be in touch. Send me your guest list.” I turn and make my way to the cashier. I pay for our coffee and leave without looking back.I hasten away from the coffee shop as I’m overcome with sadness. Tears well up in my eyes and run down my cheeks before I can stop them. I have no idea why I feel like this. I have never spent any decent amount of time with Rick to know if we might even be compatible in the long term. All we shared was a passionate moment at a wedding and then aga
Cold Feet Viola
That’s it. There’s nothing more to say or explain. I couldn’t expect any more or less. I look out the cab’s window and watch the city passing by. I feel as if I’m watching my dream dissolve and blow away in the wind. I had it all this time and I’ve thrown it away. I begin to cry silent tears. The cab ride seems to take forever.I think of all the times that the universe kept pushing me back into Rick’s path as if we were meant to be together.Maybe I was wrong. Maybe it wasn’t that we were meant to be together. Maybe it’s because this industry isn’t for me. Maybe I don’t belong here and maybe it’s used Rick to throw me out again. I don’t know what I’ll do now. I can’t leave Los Angeles again. The opportunities are here. I’ll just have to find it. But that’s the least of my worries right now.I don’t receive any messages from Rick. Why would I? I guess he&r
Cold Feet Christine
I don’t move and he makes it into the lift just in time. He spins me round to face him and before I can do anything he pulls me close and kisses me. It takes me a moment before I respond. I have wanted Grady since I saw him again and as much as I have been denying him sex with me I have been denying myself. I’m crazy with desire and at last, I respond to his kiss. Our mouths melt together as our fingers find each other’s neck or hair to stroke or grab. Our breathing accelerates and we sound like we’ve just finished running a marathon. When we finally separate, I look down to the lobby and my eyes find Lara.She is looking at me in disbelief and astonishment.“Fuck!’ I say.‘What is it?” Grady asks. He wants to look where I’m looking but I stop him.“Don’t look,” I say. I try to consider my options and make a decision quickly. “Don’t get out of the elevator with me. Go back
Cold Feet Viola
My inner voice rises with its usual wisdom, yes, but usually, someone’s got to take the first step. If he doesn’t and you don’t then that’s it. Are you going to leave it up to him?I answer my inner voice, I wish you would make up your mind. Are you with me or against me? You always go against me.At least I help you consider the options…And consequences, I add.I specifically didn’t want to go back to work with Lara until after the wedding because I was afraid I would do something that would make her fire me again. And I’m pretty sure that if she fires me a second time, there’ll be no going back. I don’t want to take the chance that I’ll screw up again. I need this job and she needs the help.My inner voice is full of wisdom this morning. Is that really why you didn’t want to go back to work until after the wedding? Or is it because if you d
Cold Feet Viola
I stay out of sight until Christine has entered the church. I wait a few seconds more and then enter behind her. The church is full but I find some empty seats near the back. I see Rick looking backward. I think he might have seen me but I can’t be sure. Maybe he’s only looking at Christine.Then, just before Christine reaches the front of the church a man enters, looks around, and spots the empty seats next to me. He comes over and sits next to me.He’s big and well-built. I give him a cursory glance and smile as he sits beside me. He smiles back and then looks to the front of the church. He seems tense and focused as he looks to the front of the church.I think he’s handsome and I wonder if the universe is sending me another opportunity. Maybe the universe has accepted that Rick and I are a lost cause and it’s decided to offer me another gift.Grow up, my inner voice says sourly. You seem to think the universe
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