Hello there, My name is Mason Woods I’m an Exorcist. Truthfully I wish I wasn’t but heck I am. It’s one of those times in life where we don’t get to choose what we want to be. Some study medicine for years but end up delivering. Some people die and remain dead, but in my case I died and was brought back. I know what you’re thinking. Fuck!
Yes, dead. Everything from that shitty moment when your heart stops beating, your body grows cold and they put you in a fucking freezer with a stupid tag on your toe waiting for loved ones to come claim your dead body- sadly for me no one came, I died with the people I love- heck you could blame me for their deaths.
I should have stayed dead, but you see He had other plans for me and so I was brought back to life against my will.
Worst of all, I didn’t come back the same. No one crosses the breach and stays the same anyway. But for me it was much worse than just being able to see through the veil and feel supernatural presence at work.
I was granted the ability to see supernatural interference in action and when it wasn’t the right kind, I was given the ability and in fact the mandate to do something about it.
With the knowledge of what you could call the dark arts, casting out the unclean, banishing demons, cleansing dark spirits, the occasional battling against forces of evil, you name it, you could say my path was already laid out for me.
I became a motherfucking exorcist.
I know. I know, out of the career paths this world has to offer. I didn’t get much of a say in the matter. Needless to say, my new life is fucked.
Now when I meet a girl and she asks “Hey handsome what do you do? “, I reply “I banish demons and the likes from innocent people and old houses, love. But that’s only on Tuesdays “.
I’m never gonna clap cheeks anymore… shit!
I am an Exorcist and these are my confessions. Let me take you back a bit. Back to the beginning…
Author's Note:
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So you made it past the introduction. I’m impressed. Since you are here, you might as well take a seat. This is the day He brought me back to life HELL IS EMPTY AND ALL THE DEVILS ARE HERE - WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE It was a harsh stormy night, perfect weather for being dead. There I was resting in my grave peacefully, when some douche bags thought it would be a brilliant idea to come rob me. Maybe because I died a rich man they thought my riches were buried with me, but just like Saint Mathew said, “Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon Earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in Heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal.” I bet these idiots don’t read shit. Funny enough neither did I back then. After realizing this was an epic fail, they started arguing amongst themselves. Their bickering alerted the sexton who chased them away. They lef
It’s so nice to have you here again. Hope you are in good health? So how did you see my resurrection? Wasn’t what you were expecting right? Yeah me too. I was expecting a lot of lightening and thunder but He gave me a weak ass resurrection. Not even a welcome back party. Anyways let’s get on with this, shall we? THERE ARE NO SECOND CHANCES IN LIFE EXCEPT TO FEEL REMORSE ->CARLOSRUIZZAFN Thanks to the headache, I remember it now. I felt it again, this time worse than before. I relived the moment. There I was laying on my bed having the same dream over and over and over and over and over and over… I think that’s enough. Oh wait, one more , and over again.  
Shit! I almost died the second time. My stupid best friend had tried to kill me. He was a surgeon but he was dumb as fuck. Who shoots at a ghost?- damn, I’m not even a ghost! Would He have brought me back again if this hairy cunt had killed me? I don’t even wanna know. "Sometimes life gives you a second chance, or even two! Not always, but sometimes. It's what you do with those second chances that counts. -> DAVE WILSON “Bitch you missed. Shoot with your eyes open not closed.” “My eyes wasn’t closed”
Oh look at that, you've come again. It's so sweet of you. I feel like we are already best friends, I can feel us bonding. You come every week to read my dumb confessions and that's pretty amazing of you. So in the spirit of friendship, I will answer any question you have. And I really hope you stick with me through out my journey. “Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a ride!" -> HUNTER S. THOMPSON
Hello there my name is Mason Woods, I died and was brought back to life to do a job I wholeheartedly do not want to do. I am robbed of my freedom. Welcome to my party"A normal human being does not want the Kingdom of Heaven: he wants life on Earth to continue."--> George Orwell."Fuck the government. Here's to the night we don't remember and the friends we won't forget. Let's get this fucking party started."This is by far the best speech I have ever made. I walked down the stage feeling proud. I sit at the bar drinking and watching them dance- I don't know how to dance and wouldn't want to disgrace myself.
Hello there! I'm Mason Woods and I'm about to take you back to the past—back to my childhood and my teendom days. Don't hate me for some of the things I did, my hormones are craaaazy Being a teenager is an amazing time a hard time. It's when you make your best friends- I have girls who will never leave my heart and I still talk to. You get the best and the worst as a teen. You have the best friendships and the worst heart breaks ->SOPHIA BUSH 03-November-2006 "How many times have I told you to stop fighting in school,
The worst thing about dying is coming back to life. It's only beautiful if the people you love are here. What's the fucking point if they are gone. They call resurrection God's blessing or miracle but it's really God's way of torturing you. I'm supposed to feel His love but I'm feeling no shit. God is cruel.NO ONE WANTS TO DIE. EVEN PEOPLE WHO WANTTO GO TO HEAVEN DON'T WANT TO DIE TO GET THERE.AND YET, DEATH IS THE DESTINATION WE ALL SHARE.NO ONE HAS EVER ESCAPED IT, AND THAT IS HOW IT SHOULD BE, BECAUSE DEATH IS VERY LIKELY THESINGLE BEST INVENTION OF LIFE. IT'S LIFE'S CHANGE AGENT.IT CLEARS OUT THE OLD TO MAKE WAY FOR THE NEW->STEVE JOBS.
THIS CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO THE LATE CHADWICK BOSEMAN. Father men like Chadwick Boseman deserve resurrection. Ever since Chadwick Boseman stepped into the spotlight he has been an inspiration to the world. The way he lived his life is something worth emulating. He kept on touching lives. He kept on inspiring the world, lighting up the dark in people's hearts, Father through his movies he kept our depressed hearts at bay. May You help his family find peace in his absence May he find solace in Your domain. Royalty returns to God. REST IN POWER, KING. YOUR LEGACY WILL LIVE IN YOUR STEAD, FOREVER. Well, hello there. Came to read another tale? It's been confirmed I'm a monster that killed the people that loved him. Yes I killed them, yet they still love me. I guess I'm not cursed after all. Or maybe I am because who would still love me. I guess