Refusal

Mazikeen

When I wake, Edward is asleep next to me. I climb out of bed and get ready before walking downstairs; standing in the kitchen, I cook.

My phone beeps, and I glance at it. The group chat of professors is on the screen, apparently they are going out tonight. Replying, I confirm I will join.

I need some time out and away from the mess of yesterday.

Edward walks in and takes a seat.

“We need to talk,” I say, and he nods.

“We do, how you behaved was disgusting and embarrassed me in front of your family.”

His words have me laughing. “I embarrassed you? How do you think I will feel when people find out my husband is fucking a woman to try and gain a baby?” I ask.

“Can you keep the foul language out of it, Mazikeen? You’re not focusing on the point. I love you. I married you. We live together. You’re acting as if I am having an affair and giving someone else what I should give you,” he argues.

“When was the last time you gave me anything I wanted or needed, Edward?” I ask.

“You want and need a baby. I’m fixing that issue for you,” he states.

“Do you really think I will want that baby? No, I won’t. It won’t be mine, it will be yours and hers!” I won’t raise a child he had with another woman.

“You will. When she leaves and the baby stays, you will be happy and grateful for this chance,” he says, and I laugh.

“I don’t want or need a baby, Edward, but my point is. We barely have sex, hardly ever, and now, you’re giving it to her.” I don’t understand how he can’t see how wrong that is. Maybe he can, but he knows I’m weak, and he can do it?

“Sex isn’t for fun, Mazikeen. That is where your issue comes in. You see it as something to do for fun, for pleasure. It’s not, it was created as a way for people to have children, you’re the one focused on the other side that has nothing to do with it,” he argues and I nod.

“So what? That’s why you no longer want to have sex with me because I can’t have a baby in your mind, so why bother?” I ask, and he nods. “She leaves Edward, or I do,” I say while I face him.

“You will leave? How? You have nothing, Mazikeen. You’ve always lived with someone. You can’t survive alone! Look around you, and you will see that’s a fact,” he shouts, and my head shakes. Sure, I’ve always lived with someone, but only because I married him so young and went from living with my parents to living with him.

“We will see Edward. You have a choice, me or her and a baby?” I ask, watching as she walks in and sits beside him.

“Can all three of us sit down and talk about it while having breakfast, please?” Edward asks, and my head shakes. “You need to ensure you cook for her as well going forward. You can’t act like she doesn’t exist,” he says.

Is he joking? Standing, I stare at him. “I’m your wife!” I shout.

“Exactly, and you follow my rules. Now sit and share the food with her.”

“No, give her it all. I’m going to work,” I reply, grabbing my things and going to leave. His hand stops me as I reach the door.

“You’re going to walk out before even finishing cooking the food?” he asks.

Laughing, I nod. “I’m sure she is more than capable of cooking the rest. I mean, she’s capable and happy to fuck a married man so she can cook.” I pull out of his hold and go to work.

The day goes slow, most of the classes were quiet, which doesn’t help as my mind is focused on everything at home.

“Hi, Miss!” Samuel smiles and takes a seat, and I watch as they begin to walk in and sit.

“Right, I need you all to write down your views on the Panopticon which we will come back to later and discuss. Focus on what you read and what you think,” I say. They nod and get to work.

“Are you okay, Miss?” Jessica looks at me.

“Fine, thank you, Jessica. Just focus on what I said.” Taking out my phone, I glance at it. I know Edward wants a child, but his reluctance to even listen and consider that it’s him who has issues doesn’t solve anything.

My phone vibrates, and I see my mother’s name.

“Yes?” I answer, and the class looks at me. My head shakes, and they glance back down.

“Mazikeen, we need to discuss this. Leaving your marriage for that reason is stupid.”

I laugh at her words. “Would you have stayed if it had been you and Dad?”

“That’s entirely different. We had no issues having children,” she argues.

“If you couldn’t, would you have stayed?” I whisper-shout.

“Yes, because I see it as helping us have a family. Edward is upset over you threatening to leave.”

“Why should I care, mother?” I ask.

“Because he’s your husband!”

“But he doesn’t care about me or how it might actually hurt and upset me,” I say. “You all planned this behind my back, and not one of you has considered how the hell I feel or what I wanted!” I shout and stand before walking out quickly and into an empty room.

“You should be happy you’re getting a child!”

“You know what, mother, you might see it was a way for me to have a child. I see it as a way for Edward to screw some random woman every night instead of me, his wife. It’s worse because you all assume I’m the issue; when he fails to get her pregnant, and you find out he’s the issue, I expect an apology,” I say, fighting back the tears.

“He’s your husband. You stand by him, just as he has with you. You wanted to work, and he agreed. Your place is at home, but he stood by you and allowed you to work,” she argues, and I laugh.

“It’s not the eighteen hundreds, mother when women weren’t allowed to work. Don’t call again,” I snap before hanging up and walking back to the class.

“She looked upset, and rushed out on the phone,” I hear Jessica and groan. It will just be my luck that the one time I leave during the lesson, someone does checks.

I walk in ready to defend myself and see King leaning against my desk, his eyes come to me as I walk in. His eyes follow me.

“You ’kay Miss?” he asks, and I nod.

“Yes, now move off my desk, Ezekiel, and sit at your own,” I state, and everyone stares, shocked.

He nods and moves but keeps his eyes on mine. I watch as they work quietly. I message Edward to find out if she has left yet. He needs to pick. I won’t stay if he’s going to continue with his plan.