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AVETHANDWA SISULU

Life got its own people because here I am not inspired to wake up at all. I'll soon be a graduate with a Bachelor of Engineering in Aeronautical Engineering, and I have been doing my internship at Golden Aerospace. I'm very grateful for the opportunity but not grateful for waking up in the morning. I stay in a shitty apartment where the rent is very pricey but the hot water is never available.

I get out of bed and walk to the kitchen to plug on my kettle. I boil water to bath everyday and my electricity bill is always high. Sometimes, I bathe at the gym or do unnecessary sleepovers at a friend's place so I can take a hot bath in her big bathtub.

While the water is boiling, I take out a cigarette and light it and sit by the window in my panties. The city is still quiet. The sun is yet to come out and this is my favourite place in all the apartments. I'm always in sync with my thoughts whenever I sit here and take my morning blunt.

After my fourth kettle, I take the bucket and head to my bathroom to pour the water inside the bathtub. I dilute the water with cold water so the temperature can be lukewarm. I take my phone and play Is This Love by XG. I'm a pop girl through and through. It's weird to my friends because they are not that into pop, and they are always shocked by my love of pop. Most people say I'm too quiet. Always lost in my head but play pop music, and I get out of my shell. I don't know how to be happy. Upbeat songs just bring out the little girl in me, and I guess that's why lately I've been finding thousands reasons to live like joining a dancing class. It's my favourite part of the day when I knock off and walk to that little dance studio and dance my way out of this miserable life.

06h38, that's around the time I make it to work every day. I honestly love making it early to work to start on with everything. When I was a kid, people dreamt of flying aeroplanes, but I dreamt of building them and guess what? That dream was not far-fetched like everyone said. In Golden Aerospace, we deal with the manufacturer of aeroplanes. I'm not yet in the front line of manufacturing, but I know one day my day is gonna come. I'll sit in the dark and clap for others for now. I do help with coming up with new ideas when a new model is introduced, like what can be fixed or what can be removed.

“Morning Avethandwa,” Tinyeleti plops her buttocks next to me. I'm having my second coffee because it's cold out here, and I don't mix with cold.

“Hi.” Tinyeleti is more than just a friend to me. She's been with me since my freshman years at Wits. She was my roommate, and each year, she insisted that we share a room. The commune we stayed at was owned by her aunt. Tinyeleti is the friend I do sleepovers at her place. She's not my ideal friend, but she's there, and she stuck around for a very long time, and calling her a best friend would be insulting her. She's family.

“My boyfriend sent me money. Lunch is on me.” She's unlucky with men. Her boyfriend is her baby daddy, whom she's in a toxic relationship with.

“Won't he demand it back?”

"Don't worry yourself about that. I told him it's for his baby.“ She shrugged. She's never worried about anything anyway. Her baby stays with her parents, and her brother sends her money every month to pay for her apartment. She's a well-off kid, unlike me. I'm not jealous of her, believe me. I'm content with the point my life has reached, given that I come from afar.

”Pity, I won't be available for lunch. I have errands to run.“ I need to visit someone. I visit them once a month. It used to be once per week but I got too busy and they insisted on the once a month because it also help us to have more to say to each other, not that I wanna say more but sometimes the little girl in me comes to play.

”Oh?! I'm taking you out after work then. I discovered a new restaurant on P*******t.“

”I have a dance class, Star.“ I take a sip of my now cold coffee. ”If you wanna buy me something, buy me coffee.“

”Em Bee restaurant is where we are going, and you're coming for a sleepover. I have downloaded a new series, and I'm not taking no for an answer.“ She stands up.

”Fine, you win.“ She kisses my cheek and wanders off. 

”I'll bring your coffee!“ She yells from outside the door. At least I'm getting a coffee out of all this.

—

Kgosi Mampuru II Correctional Centre, that's what it reads. This prison has a rich history. This is where most of the anti-apartheid activists were held. This is where Steve Biko breathed his last breath. This is where Daisy De Melker was hanged . A cruel woman who killed her two husbands and her son with poison. Not so different from my mom, is she? Most importantly, this is where King Mampuru was hanged back in the 1800s. This prison was named in his honour in 2013, but also, this is where my father is rotting in. A fifty two year old man who is in for a life sentence for brutally unaliving his wife, my own mom who sold me to the highest bidder for an extra cash but that's a story for another day because there's my old man.

”Hello daughter.“ He gave me a hug, and I returned it before we sat down. Who cares that we aren't supposed to touch the inmates? The warden has made peace with our physical contact.

”You're getting old.“ He wheezed in laughter. I'm not lying, I can spot specks of grey hairs in his beard. He keeps his head bald anyway.

”And you're not getting any younger. How's your internship?“

”It's fine.“ There's really nothing. I can tell him that hasn't been usual.

”It's just fine? My love, you know I hate it when you're just settling for this life. It's been years Ave, I want you to live. You're hurting your old man.“ I hate the look of pity in his life.

”Dad, I'm very happy with my internship, and the bosses think that I might score a permanent job when it ends. How's that?“ He start smiling. Sometimes, I stare at him and realise how handsome my dad is. He's always been a hulky man because of being a soldier once. He didn't lose his physique when he got locked up in this hell.

”I want a car when I get out of here. Your old man can't survive on taxis. I bet a lot has changed.“

”I've joined dancing classes.“

”You've always been a dancer, haven't you? You used to dance the whole day saying you were a ballerina. Do you still enjoy that?“ I shake my head.

”It's...hard to get back to my old life. Dancing makes me feel better, though. I love pop. Take this.“ I handed him my earphones and played Is This Love by XG. ”This is what I listen to and dance. This type of music.“

”I still think our music is better.“ He's such a 70s.

”I'm not bashing your music. Don't bash mine.“ I take off the earphones and switch off the song. I continue to catch up with him and speak more each second. He's my only safe space in this world.

—

Tinyeleti wouldn't have let me be, so she brought takeaways for us. I was in the dance studio alone, dancing. The choreographer always let me in, but our dance classes are usually on every Tuesday and Friday. It's Thursday and I dance every day.

We were on our way home, of course, after she disturbed my dancing with food, but i don't regret it. The food compensated for my annoyance. I'm trying out the restaurant when I get paid.

”So Gift called and wanted to speak with the baby, I told him he has to go to Limpopo and...holy molly!“ The elevator in front of us opened, and Tinyeleti lost her jaw to the floor. I tried to see what she was seeing.

Inside the elevator, there were three guys all in formal black pants and black t-shirts. They were wearing different sneakers, though. One was wearing white sneakers, the middle one was in orange sneakers—what a colour—and the last one was in black sneakers. What stood out for them? They looked the same. For example, if you didn't notice the different shoes, you would think it's the same person thrice.

The one in white sneakers was staring deeply at us. He got an intense stare while the middle one was smirking at us, and the other one was on his phone, not awarding us with a glance.

”Are you gonna get in or what?“ The one on the phone said impatiently.

”Come on in girls. We don't bite.“ The middle one said. I didn't feel like getting in, but Tinyeleti was fangirling. Who are these guys?

”Triplets B.“ Tinyeleti answered my unasked question. Am I supposed to know them?

”Ah, a fan. Want a picture? I'm Mbuso.“ The middle one introduced himself.

”I can't tell you apart.“ Really, Tinyeleti? Who cares?

”Let's go.“ I tried to pull her. I could take stairs at this point.

”I insist.“ Mbuso pulled Tinyeleti in, and I had no choice but to step in before the elevator closed. I pressed the first floor button while Tinyeleti was giggling at nothing Mbuso said. It smells of testosterone in here.