CHAPTER SEVEN

The next morning, I wake up at dawn.

My entire body is stiff and sore, but I force myself up anyway. I have to go. I have to move on.

I think about trying to join another pack, but I know that's pointless. No one else will have me, and even just the act of walking into another pack's camp is likely to get me killed.

I can't stay here and watch Lucas break Julie's heart. And I can't stay here and watch myself fall deeper into despair. I won't survive it. I know that now.

My best option is to try and go home. To apologize and throw myself at the mercy of the pack. But I don't know if they'll accept me, even if I beg.

I have to try though because I can't stay here in this forest and watch the sun set and rise and feel the weight of my loneliness grow heavier with each precious moment that passes.

But before I can go back, I have to find some way to prove myself. I have to find a way to earn their trust.

I have to prove myself before they'll let me back into the pack.

But how?

I can't kill anyone, and that's the only obvious thing that would help. I need to come up with another way.

But I can't think of anything.

I wander through the forest, eating berries, camping under trees, and desperately hoping for an idea to find me. And then, a few days later, I find the deer.

It's the same one I saved from the forest fire-- he's found his herd again and he's on his way home. I watch him as he walks through the trees, and I think about how much I admire his strength. And then, it hits me.

I can't kill someone to prove myself. But I can help someone. I can save someone's life.

Several months ago, there was an attack on our pack. Many of our best fighters were killed, but one, Matthew, was wounded and taken prisoner. They spared his life because they thought he could prove useful to them. If I can rescue him and bring him back to the pack, they would have to accept me back too. I just know it.

It's a long shot, and a dangerous one. It may not work. But it's the only chance I have, and a chance is better than nothing.

I can't think about the possible consequences. I can't let myself think about what I'm going to do and how everyone will respond. Instead, I focus on the task at hand. I focus on the rescue.

I know the area where they're camped out. I've camped out there too. It's a small outpost surrounded by a tall iron fence. There are a few tents, an open field and a closed off structure where they keep their prisoners. I've seen it from a distance, but I've never actually been there.

The guards are in a hut at the end of the outpost. There are about six of them and they're armed with rifles. If I can get in, I could shoot at them with my bow from a distance and take them out. Not kill them, of course-- just take them out of commission long enough for me to get inside.

The outpost is about a five-minute walk from the edge of the forest. I know I can make it there in that time, so I decide to try it.

I spend the next day studying the guards. I try to work out their routine and what time they take breaks and when they have dinner and when they're likely to do a head count.

I try to figure out the best time to attack, and I pick a day when it looks like they're having a big dinner. I think they're going to be too busy eating and telling stories to notice me.

I go to the meadow and pick a few pieces of poison arrow weed. I crush them into a paste and smear this onto the tip of my arrows.

I also pick a few pieces of rowan to make a potion for strength and agility. I want to be able to move fast and do this quickly. It takes me a while to collect everything I need. But by evening, everything is ready.

I go over the plan in my head. I have to be careful with my arrows and my aim. If I miss, or I hit the guards in the wrong place, it could kill them, and having to kill someone is exactly what this whole plan was designed to avoid.

I'm on pins and needles, and my heart is racing fast. I keep thinking about how dangerous this is and how much it could go wrong. I keep imagining what will happen if I fail.

I keep imagining how awful it will be if I go back to the pack and apologize and beg for mercy and they send me away. I can't bear the thought of going back to the cabin and watching Lucas with another woman. I can't stand to sit with Julie and pretend that everything's the same. I can't imagine going to sleep every night knowing that tomorrow will be the same as today.

No matter how scared I am, I have to move. This is my shot, and I have to take it. I have no other choice.

I remind myself that I've prepared for this. I may not be the best fighter, but I have a good brain. I'm smart, and this is a good plan. I know it.

My arrows are sharp, and so is my mind. I can do this. I have to. There is no other choice.

I take a deep breath, pick up my quiver, and walk towards the outpost. I do everything I can to steady my nerves.

I remind myself this is my moment.

I'm ready to go.