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Chapter 9
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Desperate for Approval Chapter 10
Two years later, I bought an apartment.It wasn’t big, with two bedrooms and one living room.The living room was south-facing, and the kitchen was bright and airy.I kept one room specially for Grandma.There was space on the balcony to enjoy the sunlight. She could grow plants, peel beans, and take a nap there as well.The day we received the title deed, Grandma sat on the couch, crying for a long time with the document in her hands.“Jessica, do we really have a home to call our own now?”I crouched down before her.“Yes. We no longer need anyone’s approval from now on. We can live here for as long as we want.”Grandma smiled through her tears.“Great, that’s great.”On the day we moved, my dad showed up, standing outside the door with a carton of fruits.He had grown old very fast over the few years we hadn’t met. His back was slightly hunched over, and wrinkles were etched deeply at the corners of his eyes.I opened the door but didn’t let him in.He looked into the
Desperate for Approval Chapter 9
After my graduation, I joined a company. When I received my first paycheck, I returned to my old town to pick Grandma up.She kept saying no to me. “I’m old. I’ll only bring you trouble by going to the city.”I grabbed her bag and replied, “Grandma, you’re no trouble. You’re family.”She was stunned for a long while when she heard that.Bowing her head, she wiped the tears from the corner of her eyes.I had rented a two-bedroom apartment in the city. It wasn’t a big apartment, but it was a south-facing unit.The first time Grandma entered the apartment, she stood outside the door, afraid to step in.“The floor is so shiny. Will I make it dirty?”I fetched her a pair of slippers.“I’ll mop it clean if it gets dirty.”She carefully ran her fingers across the couch, the curtains, and the new pots and pans in the kitchen, before she finally said, “This pot is great. I can make soup for you.”I nodded in agreement.We slowly settled down in our new life, and I would occasional
Desperate for Approval Chapter 8
On Grandma’s birthday, neighbors in the town insisted on throwing her a party.She refused at the start.“What’s the point of celebrating the birthday of a pile of old bones? Just a waste of money.”One of the neighbors said with a smile, “Gerlaine, your granddaughter was awarded the national scholarship. She’s also such a filial girl. We’re all happy for you and want to throw you a party.”There was a feast laid out in the courtyard.The party wasn’t held in a hotel, and it wasn’t a grand affair.There was just warm soup, grilled chicken, and a home-baked cake.Grandma wore the new padded jacket I gave her and sat at the head of the table, feeling so awkward that she didn’t know where to put her hands.I spooned some food on her plate.“Grandma, you’re the star of today’s party.”She patted the back of my hand with a smile on her face.“Keep it down. I feel so shy.”Halfway through the meal, a car stopped outside the courtyard, and my dad and Aunt Jensen stepped out of the
Desperate for Approval Chapter 7
In the second semester of my junior year, I received the national scholarship award, and Lily picked me to give a speech as the student representative.I stood on stage and looked down at all the young faces before me.In the past, what I feared most was people knowing that I was poor.I was scared of others finding out that I needed to seek approval for my allowance and to explain why I even needed medicine.With my script before me, I said, “I used to think that having no money was an embarrassing thing.“Subsequently, I’ve come to understand that poverty wasn’t what made me unable to lift my head up high.“Instead, it was when a parent turned his support to his child into repeated reviews and interrogations.”Silence ensued in the crowd, followed by deafening applause.I didn’t mention my father’s name, but every word I spoke seemed to be for myself in the past, encouraging me to lift my head up high.When the announcement was published on my school’s social media page, Lea
Desperate for Approval Chapter 6
My dad thought I wouldn’t last long.By the end of the month, he texted: [Reply me if you’ve run out of money. Don’t be prideful and try to put on a front.]I didn’t reply to him.I attended classes in the day and worked part-time at the library at night.On weekends, I tutored middle school students.After my student loan and financial aid applications were approved, I first returned my roommate the money I borrowed from her, and I then bought my Grandma a pair of knee guards with the remaining money.When she received them, she took a photo and sent it to me.She sat in the courtyard, her pant legs all rolled up as she wore the guards firmly on her knees, and she smiled so brightly that her eyes narrowed into slits.“You bought these for me. They feel so warm.”I saved the photo and looked at it repeatedly.This peace of mind I felt was something I never had when I received an allowance from my dad.I finally didn’t need to ask myself after every meal whether I’d exceeded
Desperate for Approval Chapter 5
My dad gave me a thorough scolding in the family chat group.“Jessica Larson, did you just delete me as your emergency contact?“What is the meaning of this? I scolded you just a little, and you’re refusing to acknowledge me as your father?”Vince then sent a voice message. “Dad, don’t give her money. She has the ability to apply for a student loan, doesn’t she? Leave her be.”Veronica then sent a link to a video she published on her social media account.The subject read: [My sister’s college expense sheet is killing me]The cover photo was my spreadsheet.The coffee that cost $2 was circled in red.Painkillers that cost $9.80 appeared one too many times.Sanitary pads at $19.90 were on the higher side.Someone asked in the comments: [Is this your biological sister?]Veronica replied: [Yeah, that’s why my dad micro-manages her. Who else will?]My blood turned cold as I looked at her words.I then called her.She answered the call very quickly, and I could almost hear the
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