Chapter 4 Finding me

Tamara.

“Wait, what?” Hazel raise an eyebrow. “He brought that bitch home, again?” She asks through literal clench teeth.

I shrug, tired. I'm not going to cry but I want to.

Hazel stares at me for a second or two, before she puts her glass down. “But you know you can't keep letting him treat you like this,Tammy.” she looks at me with such care in those striking hazel eyes.

“I know,” I choked out and fall silent for another second. “But there's little or nothing I can do, and you know it,”

Her face falls flat, slowly she straightens up, letting out a low sigh as she runs her hand through her hair. “Yeaah. You need his damn money for mom's treatment,” she mused and then she looks up at me. “I just —- I just wish there's something I can do to help, I'm barely making it myself.”

“No, stop it.” I give her a tight-lipped smile. “I'm sure I can survive another year or two till mom gets better,” I say despite the ache in my heart.

Hazel nods slowly and I can tell this hurts her just as much.

She shrugs back into the couch and picks her glass up again. “But why's Killian like this all of sudden? I'm sure that bitch must've fed him with lies, and to fake you attacking her? That's next level.”

My shoulders slumps. “She’s conniving and Killian? — he's convinced that I tried to poison him and run off with another man,” I breathed out. “He said he has proof that I cheated on him,”

“Maybe you should ask him what that proof is.”

“I have, more time that I could count. But he wouldn't say, then I accidentally saw the doctor's report he forgot in the drawer, and — it wasn't fake, Hazel, the food was poisoned.” I breathed out, confusion evident in my features.

I think about this once more and I still do not get it.

I had always surprised Killian with homemade lunch at his office, and then this one time — I suddenly want to kill my husband?

It just doesn't add up.

But he honestly believes that it was me trying to poison him. Why would I do that? I love Killian so much to want to harm him. None of it makes sense.

I'd asked Sylvia, Killian’s secretary if she had seen anything strange that day.

But Sylvia swore she never saw anything suspicious.

And to top it all, Killian saw a text on my phone, a strange name, Matteo, saved on my phone, asking if I had done it and if I was ready to elope with him. I had absolutely no idea who he was and how his contact got saved on my phone.

Even more? There was a living Matteo, claiming we'd planned to elope together after having my husband killed.

Everything was happening so fast, it feels like the world was against me.

I tried—- I tried to look into it more closely, to vindicate myself from all the allegations, to talk to Killian. But trying to reason with him after that incident is like talking to a brick wall, he could barely stand me.

I can tell you a bunch of times when I tried to prove my innocence. Like this one time, I suggested to Killian to check the surveillance camera around his office and corridor, check to see when this Matteo’s contact was saved on my phone.

When we got there, everything that happened after I stepped right into his office was all gone, completely wiped off.

And— the contact has been saved on my phone about a year ago. How?

That just made Killian even more hostile towards me, he glared at me in contempt. “Why can't you give it up, Tamara? You did this, own up to your shit and stop with the lies!”

The look in his eyes that day made me realize that he'd never believe a word I say, that he strongly believes it was me.

Fed up, I asked for a divorce, but all he did was scoff at the idea, like it was one hell of a joke.

I take a deep breath, I'm already letting all of this get to me and I sworn I wouldn't.

Hazel senses my weariness, she is very perceptive because we've been best friend since highschool.

She reaches out to my hand and takes it. “Look, Tamara. I know this is weighing you down more than you let on. I don't care what everyone thinks, I just want you to know that I believe you and I’ll stand by you,”

I sniffled back, a bitter sweet smile crossing my face. "Thank you, Hazel. That means a lot,” I say, squeezing her hand back. “But I tell you what? I don't care what Killian thinks anymore and I'm over it now," that's not entirely true but I want it to be. “Moving forward, I'm just going to do exactly what I want to do for a change, I honestly can't be any worse off.” 

“Well?” Hazel gives me a skeptical look.

I shrug. “I'm starting work on Monday,”." I blurt out.

Her brows rose. “For real?”

I nod. “Yeah. Alex said I could have my job back,” I blurted out and watch Hazel's eyes widen.

She archs her eyebrows and I see the teasing twitch at the corner of her mouth. “Alex huh?" she breathes out, nudging my shoulders.

Sensing where she's headed, I roll my eyes and chip in defiantly. “Hazel, stop. It's just work, like it's been.”

“Bullshit. The guy's very much into you, how can't you see it?” she says as if she knows something I was too blind to see.

But all I did was blanch at her intuition. I had no reason to think Alex liked me more than a friend.

Or maybe it was me who didn't pay much attention back then, I was all about Killian.

Sighing, I look at Hazel and insisted. “Alex is just being…well Alex. Kind, compassionate and understanding, not in the way you're imagining it,"

“Keep telling yourself that, keep telling yourself just that.” was all Hazel said.

I flip her the bird and choose to say nothing, and just like that our conversation moved on, the whole thing about Alex slipping under the radar.

*********

Later that night, after spending the entire day with Hazel, I decided to head back home.

By the time I got to the penthouse, it was a little past eleven.

I had no regret coming home that late, not like I feel thrilled wallowing in loneliness anyway.

I step out and head to the front door and didn't bother checking Killian’s spot for his car, he wouldn't be home anyways. I'm sure he's out there all over Chloe. 

Why would he waste even a second with his wife?

The dark room welcomed me as usual as I walked in, I reached for the switch to turn on the light but then a familiar voice huffs, startling the shit out of me.

I whirled around immediately, only to see Killian seated on the couch, a glass of wine in hand, and a deadly scowl on his face.

“Where the hell are you coming from?”