Chapter 9: What is this feeling?

Clarina Rayne Lourencia.

Everything had been normal these past few days. Well... almost normal.

"Uh, you've got a little sauce on your cheek."

"There... you kept missing it."

For some reason, that moment with Leon kept replaying in my head. I didn't understand why. We've known each other for years. We've spent most of our lives together. He's my best friend, and I'm his.

So why was I still thinking about something so small?

Every time I remembered the way he casually wiped the sauce from my face, my heart would start acting weird all over again. It didn't make any sense.

Leon was Leon. My best friend. Nothing more...right?

I buried my face into my pillow and groaned. "Uhh...what's wrong with me?"

After spending way too much time thinking about it, I finally finished getting ready for school. As I walked down the hallway toward our classroom, I couldn't stop myself from replaying that moment again.

"There... you kept missing it."

I groaned quietly and shook my head. Seriously, what was wrong with me?

It had already been a few days. Leon had probably forgotten about it by now, yet I was still here thinking about it before school even started.

Maybe I was just making things weird on my own.

After all, Leon and I had been best friends for years. We've spent so much time together that I couldn't even count it anymore. One little incident shouldn't be enough to make me act like this. Right?

I took a deep breath.

Okay. New plan. I'd just treat him the same way I always did. I'd tease him, bother him, and make fun of him whenever the opportunity showed itself. If I acted normal, everything would go back to normal. Simple.

Feeling slightly more confident, I slid the classroom door open. "Good morning, everyone."

A few classmates greeted me back as I entered.

"Morning, Clara."

"Good morning."

I smiled and waved at them before spotting Rosie.

"Good morning, Rosie." I immediately launched at her

"Good morning---hey, you are in a good mood today huh?" she replied with a smile.

So far, so good.

Then my eyes landed on Leon. He was sitting by the window, reading a book like he always did. For some reason, my feet stopped moving. The words I was about to say disappeared from my mind.

And, as if my brain wanted to make things worse, it decided to replay that memory again.

His hand reaching toward me. His fingers brushing against my face. The smile he gave afterward. My heart immediately skipped a beat.

Why was I remembering that now?!

As if sensing my stare, Leon looked up from his book. "Morning."

"..."

For a second, I completely forgot how to speak.

"M-Morning. Leon..."The moment the awkward reply left my mouth, I knew. My plan was already ruined.

Our science teacher starts to lecture. And while in the middle of the class. I was hearing a faint sound of paper turning from the back.

When I looked back, Leon was reading again. Same calm posture, same unreadable focus… and definitely a book that had nothing to do with today’s lesson.

Wait! This might be a good opportunity!

I slowly leaned back in my seat, turning just enough so he could hear me.

"Whatcha readin?" I whispered "Dozing off again while at the class, huh?"

"Yep, the lecture is so boring anyways." he replied while still focusing on what he's reading.

I narrowed my eyes. “It's an excuse when you say it like that.”

“It is for me.”

That made me scoff quietly.

But before I could tease him again, the teacher suddenly stopped mid-explanation.

“Ms. Lourencia, can you please answer question number three?” the teacher called my name.

I swallowed hard and stared at the board.

What even was number three? Something about the lesson… energy… cells… or—Nothing.

Behind me, I still heard the faint sound of a page turning. Of course he was still reading like this was a library.

I resisted the urge to turn around and glare at him.

“Ms. Lourencia?” the teacher pressed.

“U-uh—” I started.

Then—A very quiet whisper from behind me.

“…cell respiration.”

I froze for half a second.

Right. That.

I straightened up quickly. “Cell respiration,” I answered.

The teacher nodded. “Correct.”

I let out a small breath I didn’t realize I was holding.

As the teacher continued talking, I slowly sat back down. I wanted to turn around to thank him but I might be able to get in trouble again if I did that.

....

Recess started, and I was invited by my classmates to join them for lunch at the hut. I politely rejected them, but they kept insisting, so I had no other choice but to go.

The moment I sat down, I realized I wasn't getting out of this anytime soon.

I want to talk to Leon though.

The conversation started with the lesson from earlier. A few classmates brought up the science question I had answered during class, and before long they were praising me for it.

"I would've panicked if the teacher called on me like that," one of the girls admitted.

"Same," another agreed. "Clara answered so confidently."

I nearly laughed. If only they knew I had almost embarrassed myself in front of everyone.

"I mean that is a given, clara is so intelligent," one of the boys added. "And she's pretty too."

Several people immediately groaned. "Oh, here we go."

"I'm serious." the boy answered

"You always say that."

"Because it's true."

I smiled awkwardly while watching them fight 

"Nope," another boy said. "You can't stop the truth."

The girls at the table exchanged looks before one of them shook her head. "You know complimenting Clara won't get you anywhere, right?"

The table erupted with laughter.

"What's that supposed to mean?" one of the boys complained.

"It means none of you have a chance."

"That's harsh."

"It's realistic."

I could only sigh as the argument continued around me.

"I think you boys are aware that 60 percent of the guys here in the school confessed to clara but none of them stood the chance." she added. "In short, clara has her own standards when it comes to a guy"

"Then what kind of guy would Clara even like?" someone asked.

The table suddenly went quiet. Well it's a very bad sign.

Slowly, several heads turned in my direction.

"...Why are you all looking at me?" I said.

"We are curious clara. What kind of guy do you like?" another classmate asked.

I opened my mouth, fully intending to say that I didn't know. Instead, a familiar image appeared in my head.

A boy sitting by the window with a book in his hands.

Someone calm, quiet, and annoyingly reliable. Someone who always seemed to help me whenever I got myself into trouble. Someone who—

My thoughts abruptly stopped.

Wait. Why am I thinking about him?

"Clara?"

I blinked. "Huh?"

"You've been staring into space for like thirty seconds."

"R-really?"

"You absolutely have."

Heat immediately rushed to my face.

"I don't know," I said a little too quickly.

The suspicious looks I received told me nobody believed that answer.

"Hmm?" the other girl smirked. "She's already thinking about someone. Please spoil us Clara!"

"N-no I am not."

Thankfully, the bell rang before anyone could question me further.

When I came back from the classroom, I spotted Rosie and Leon talking to each other near the window. I couldn't hear what they were saying from where I stood, but whatever the topic was, it seemed interesting enough to keep both of them engaged.

I immediately headed toward them.

"Hey guys—"

The words left my mouth, but for some reason my feet stopped moving halfway.

Both Rosie and Leon turned toward me with matching puzzled expressions.

"...Clara?" Rosie asked.

I blinked.

Wait. Why did I stop?

I was literally on my way here.

I had spent most of recess wanting to talk to Leon, and now that I was finally standing in front of him, my brain had apparently decided to shut down.

My gaze drifted toward him. And the moment our eyes met, my mind immediately betrayed me. It was a big mistake!

"There... you kept missing it."

Why. Why was I remembering that again?

It had been days. Days.

And yet somehow my brain kept replaying that exact moment whenever I looked at him.

"Are you okay?" Leon asked.

His voice snapped me back to reality.

"Of course I am."

"You've been standing there staring at us."

"...I have not."

"You have," Rosie said.

I turned toward her.

"You too?"

She simply nodded. 

I cleared my throat and tried to recover what little dignity I had left. "So, uh... what were you two talking about?"

"So, uh... what were you two talking about?"

"Books," Rosie answered.

"Books?"

Rosie nodded. "I asked him for a recommendation."

"Let me guess. He gave you ten." I said.

She shook her head. "Nope. Fifteen."

I groaned. "That's a lot."

"He also said he'd lend me a few from his collection."

I blinked. "Lend?"

Rosie nodded. "He already brought one."

Before I could stop myself, my eyes immediately shifted toward the book in Rosie's hands.

"Oh."

For some reason, that single word felt strange coming out of my mouth. Leon had always been protective of his books.

Not that he never lent them to people. He just... rarely did.

"Apparently he really likes this one," Rosie continued.

"Yeah, I do," Leon said.

A small smile appeared on his face.

For some reason, seeing that smile while he talked about giving Rosie one of his favorite books made something uncomfortable twist inside my chest.

It wasn't anger.

And it definitely wasn't jealousy.

...Probably.

The rest of the school day passed without anything particularly noteworthy happening. Unfortunately, that didn't mean my situation improved.

I had spent the entire day trying to act normal around Leon. I talked to him. I teased him. I even made fun of him for reading during class again.

None of it worked.

Every time I thought things were finally back to normal, my heart would decide otherwise. By the time the final bell rang, I was exhausted.

Students slowly went out of the classrooms and into the hallways as another school day came to an end. Like always, Leon and I ended up walking home together.

The familiar streets passed by as the afternoon sun cast long shadows across the road. Normally, the silence would've been comfortable. But today, it felt strangely heavy.

I kicked a small pebble on the sidewalk. Maybe I was overthinking everything. Actually, I was definitely overthinking everything.

"Hey clara."

I looked up. Leon had his hands in his pockets as he walked beside me.

"Hm?"

"Are you okay?"

My heart nearly stopped.

"W-What kind of question is that?" 

"You are being weird today," he replied. 

I immediately looked away. "What do you mean? No, I am not."

"You are. I mean you stopped in the middle of a sentence today."

"..."

"You stared at me for about ten seconds."

"..."

"And you've been zoning out a lot."

I frowned. Of course he knows about me a lot.

"I think you're exaggerating." I awkwardly brushed him off like that.

"I don't think I am."

His answer came so quickly that I almost glared at him.

For a few moments, neither of us spoke.

The problem was that Leon wasn't the type to ask questions without a reason. If he brought something up, it meant he genuinely noticed it.

Which made this even worse. Because I didn't know how to explain what was happening myself.

For a few seconds, I sighed and finally spoke. "I've just been tired," 

Leon was quiet for a moment. Then he nodded. "Okay."

For some reason, that bothered me more than if he had kept asking. But at the same time, it made me feel relieved that he did not dig more about that.

I glanced at him from the corner of my eye.

His expression hadn't changed.

He simply continued walking beside me like he always had.

The same Leon as yesterday, as last week. The same Leon I've known for years.

So why did everything suddenly feel different?

By the time we reached the road where we'd usually split up and head to our respective homes, I still didn't have an answer.

"See you tomorrow," Leon said.

"Yeah."

He turned and started walking away. I stood there for a moment, watching him leave.

Then I let out a long sigh. I am being ridiculous right now. I still didn't know what was wrong with me.

And somehow, that bothered me even more than before.