Chapter 4

Sometimes when Sally wrote her own love scenes, she became aroused. She was emotionally invested in her characters, and she responded physically to the pleasure she gave them.

One more irony of her inexplicable life.

As the movie started to run, I looked over at oyin, who’d taken off his jacket and then taken his seat again next to the table. “Are you all right over there?” I asked. “Did you need anything? You can sit on the sofa—it’s got to be more comfortable than that chair.”

oyin said he didn’t need anything, but he did move to sit on the other side of the sofa, slouching down a little and stretching out his long legs.

“How many times have you seen this movie?” I asked, giving him a sidelong glance.

“Don’t ask.”

I chuckled, feeling more relaxed than I’d expected. I stiffened a little when the film jumped right into a love scene, complete with naked, panting people. But it was unlike any piece of p**n I’d ever seen before. An actual storyline soon developed, and the actors and director were good.

And the sex... the sex was very sexy.

Less than a half hour into the movie, I was aroused. But by that time I was actually kind of into the movie, and I figured the more aroused I was the better. At one point, oyin looked over at me and asked if I was enjoying the movie or whether we should try something else. I told him the movie was good although I was tempted to shush him for interrupting a particularly good scene.

Otherwise, we watched in silence. I was mostly absorbed in the storyline and pleased and relieved by my body’s responses to the erotic activities on screen. But occasionally I thought I sensed oyin’s gaze on me like he was watching me. Every time she turned to check, however, his eyes were focused on the television. Eventually I told myself I was imagining things out of nervousness and selfconsciousness. So I put it out of my mind.

When the movie ended, I was extremely turned on. My body felt restless and squirmy, and I was wet and hot between my legs.

“How do you feel?” oyin asked, narrowing his eyes to scan my face after he switched off the DVD.

“Fine,” I said, my voice a little hoarse. “I think we can go ahead and, uh, get going.”

“You’re aroused?”

I cheeks warmed. “Yes,” I admitted.

He leaned over and picked up his case. After replacing the DVDs, he pulled out a packet I didn’t recognize. I stood up and took off my sweater. Then walked over to peer at what he had.

oyin looked over, his eyes automatically scanning my body in my cashmere tank and pajama pants. But his gaze didn’t linger. He handed me an unopened packet. “Dental dams,” he explained. “For oral sex. I don’t have unprotected sex of any kind.”

“Of course. I wouldn’t be using your services otherwise.” I had never seen a dental dam before, so I studied the packet with interest, glad for any sort of distraction from what would be coming next.

“These are the best quality I’ve been able to find. Very thin and the texture is good. It will still be very enjoyable for you.”

I swallowed hard. “Pretty smug about your skills, aren’t you?”

He made a brief choked sound, as if he’d smothered a surprised laugh. Pulling out a tube of lubricant, he carried it with two dam packets and a couple of condoms to the nightstand. “I guess we’ll have to wait and see whether I’m smug or simply realistic.”

His dry response made me giggle a little, and I walked over to join him next to the bed. When I looked from his slick, sexy good looks to the large bed draped with a fluffy down comforter, my giggle changed to a nervous gurgle.

“You’re in control of this,” oyin said, holding my gaze with a cool expression. “We do whatever you want to do. I can act however you want me to act. Just tell me.”

“I don’t want you to pretend to be romantic or hot for me or anything. I want it to be... be real. I mean, don’t pretend we’re doing anything other than we are.”

“Understood. I can do that. Would you prefer me to stay in my clothes or take them off?” oyin replied smoothly, not appearing to notice my anxiety.

I thought for just a moment but knew the sight of his undoubtedly fine, naked body would be the end of my nerve. “Keep them on.”

“And you?”

I crossed my arms in front of my chest, suddenly conscious of the way my full breasts were outlined in the clinging tank I wore and that my nipples were visibly tight from my arousal. “I’ll keep them on for now,” I said. “Until...”

He nodded. “Lights?”

“Off.”

“Is there anything else you’d like? Questions or requests?”

“Um.”

He waited patiently, watching me with an oddly quiet look of scrutiny. When I couldn’t manage to get anything said, he asked softly, “What can I do to make you less nervous?”

Despite the practical purpose of the question, it made me feel a little better. Like he was human and not just some suave sex machine. “I don’t know what I’m doing,” I managed to say. “Obviously. And obviously you do. But one of the things that has gotten in the way when I’ve tried to get further than kissing with a guy is the thought of not knowing what to do. I mean, I know the logistics and the way it’s supposed to go, but it’s always felt a lot different than the overblown stuff in books. And I get hung up on how clueless I feel, and then I can’t get into it at all.”

He nodded as if he understood what I was saying, despite my somewhat silly babbles.

“It would help,” I added, “if you can kind of give me some directions.”

His eyes narrowed thoughtfully.