CHAPTER 8: THE NIGHT I BECAME ESPERANZA

Xitllali De La Rosa (living as "Esperanza")

The sound of wood breaking filled the entire room. 

A tall man wearing a tactical vest stepped through the broken back door, pointing an automatic rifle around the room.

I looked down at my hands. The gun was shaking badly in my grip. I knew how to handle a gun, but against trained shooters, my shaking hands could get us both killed.

Guillermo looked at me. The tired husband I had been looking at was gone. In a second, El Crotalo was back.

“Xitllali,” he growled, his voice turning commanding, the same voice that used to make cartel bosses go quiet. “Give me the gun.”

I didn't argue or hesitate this time. I loosened my grip and placed the gun straight into his hand.

The moment his fingers closed around the gun, his entire posture changed. The predator was back.

He kept his eyes on me as his thumb clicked the safety off. The sound of gunfire didn't make him flinch. 

He listened to the footsteps on the wet floor and quickly figured out where the shooter was.

“Stay down on the floor,” he ordered, he sounded very serious. “Don’t move until I tell you.”

I nodded quickly.

He grabbed my arm and pulled me down behind the solid oak counter just as a burst of gunfire tore through the display racks.

Glass shattered above us, sending sharp pieces flying around us.

The bitter smell of gunpowder, hot metal, and gasoline filled the shop. In a split second, San Cristóbal disappeared from my mind completely.

The smell pulled me back two years ago, to Guadalajara, to the night I became a ghost.

TWO YEARS AGO, GUADALAJARA

My heart started pounding as the handle of Guillermo’s office door slowly turned.

I was pressed against the side of his heavy mahogany desk, clutching the threat letter about my father so tightly that the paper crumpled.

The penlight in my palm was slippery with sweat. I had used Guillermo’s code to open the safe, but in my panic, I had left the office door slightly unlatched.

A shadow stepped inside.

"Xitllali?"

It wasn't Guillermo, his convoy had left for the border hours ago. It was Consuelo.

She was in her nightgown, her silver rosary clutched tightly in her fingers. Her eyes were wide with shock as she stared at the open safe and the penlight in my hand. 

She was probably doing her late-night rounds as the head housekeeper when she noticed the dim light under the door and came in.

"My child... what are you doing here?" she gasped, rushing forward in panic. She tried to push the heavy safe door shut with trembling hands. "Put that back! If Guillermo or his guards find out…”

"Look at this, Consuelo!" I choked out, shoving the Manila folder into her hands. "Look at what he hid in his safe!"

She pulled her reading glasses from her pocket and read the words.

When she saw the red target drawn over my father's head, the color drained from her face. Her hands shook so badly that the paper rattled in her grip.

"They're going to murder my father," I cried, grabbing her arms. "Guillermo is keeping me locked in this house like a prized possession while his enemies are threatening my family! I'm running away tonight. I have to leave!”

"No, Xitllali, listen to me!" She whispered desperately, grabbing my shoulders. "You can't just run, Guillermo will tear Mexico apart looking for you! His men will find you within days and drag you back in chains. You know what he does to people who betray him!”

"Then what do I do?" I sobbed, trembling with fear. "Do I just stay here and wait for my father to die? Should I just die instead? I'd rather be six feet under than stay in this cage!”

She stared at me with tears filling her eyes. She looked at the safe, then at my father's photo. Her lips moved in a silent prayer as she clutched her rosary.

"Don't say that, my sweet girl," she said, her voice shaking. "Don't ever say that... unless..."

She stopped for a moment before pulling me close.

"Unless the world believes it," she whispered into my hair. "If you just disappear, Guillermo will never stop looking for you. But if you fake your death, he will believe you're dead and stop searching for you. To escape a man like Guillermo, you have to turn yourself into ashes.”

I couldn't stop thinking about her words.

I'd already thought about faking my death before she came into the room. At first, the idea scared me. 

Faking my own death sounded crazy. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized it might be the only way to save my father and escape Guillermo.

Fourteen days later, we put the plan into action.

It was a rainy Tuesday night outside an expensive restaurant where cartel bosses often dined. Guillermo was inside having an important dinner. I told him I felt sick from the cigar smoke and asked to wait in the back of his armored car.

Under my oversized coat, I had two plastic containers of gasoline that Consuelo had secretly brought into the house. While the guards were distracted by the heavy rain, I poured the gasoline over the seats and carpet, set a small explosive device under the seat, and slipped out through the back door into the dark alley.

BOOM

The blast shook the ground. The heat hit my back as I dropped to my hands and knees and crawled into the opening of a drainage pipe.

For three hundred meters, I crawled through icy sewage while the world above burned. When I finally came out near the river, Consuelo was waiting under a dark bridge with cash and a fake ID that named me Esperanza.

"Go to Chiapas," she cried, kissing my bloody forehead. "Never look back. To the world, Xitllali is gone.”

I looked at her through my tears, knowing I might never see her again.

For two years, Consuelo had been one of the only people who made me feel safe in Guillermo's house. She had watched over me, protected me, and treated me like her own daughter. Now I had to leave her behind too.

"What if he finds out?" I whispered.

"He won't," she said, though tears were running down her face. "You have to believe that."

I nodded, but my whole body was shaking. I looked down at the fake ID in my hand. Esperanza.

That was my name now.

Xitllali De La Rosa was dead. Or at least, that was what the world would believe.

I took one last look at Consuelo, then turned away before I lost the courage to leave.

I walked into the darkness with nothing but a new name, some cash, and the hope that somewhere far away, I could finally be free.

PRESENT DAY — SAN CRISTÓBAL DE LAS CASAS

A loud sound brought me back to the present, and the memory disappeared. Guillermo stood tall behind the counter, raised the gun, and pulled the trigger.