A Bald Monk

I didn't mean for the words to slip out, but they did, and there was no taking them back. 

Jackson shifted on his feet, rubbing the back of his neck and looking away from me. 

“Uhm… yeah.”

“Yeah,” I repeated, my voice slightly hoarse. 

I didn't know why my voice was hoarse, okay? Don’t fucking ask me! 

I just… I just know that it was. And that my chest was tight, and I stared at him like an idiot, instead of processing his order. 

It hurts. 

Why on God’s green earth does it hurt? 

I… I have rejected him more times than I can count. He was an adult with a good, functioning dick that should be put to use. He wasn't a monk who has sworn off sex, so why does it hurt?

Can someone give me the fucking answer before I explode?!

Jackson looked back at me, his expression tight. “Siri, lis–”

“Your order will be ready soon,” I said, my voice high-pitched, and I wanted to dig my fingers into my throat and squeeze, if that’ll help get it back under control. “Please, step aside.”

He kept staring at me, and when it was clear that I wasn't going to meet his eyes, he sighed deeply and went to his seat. His order was ready five minutes ago, but I delayed it for another five before I finally called his name. 

The bitch he was going to see can wait a little. 

Wait, no, she wasn't a bitch. She hasn't done anything to me! Siri, this is not who we are!

“Thank you,” he said as he picked up his order, his voice low and almost… remorseful. What was his remorse for? He could go get his dick wet and empty those balls I was sure were heavy.

“Have fun,” I said with a tight smile, and he winced like I'd spat in his face. He tugged his hood back on and made his way out. 

Calm, Siri. 

I watched his back. Calm as a fucking cucumber. 

He brought out his car keys, and my left eyebrow twitched. Was he going to pick her up? And then, what? 

I shook my head quickly, inhaling and exhaling deeply. 

Calmmmmm, Siri. Calm like a corpse. 

Will he take her to a hotel? Or his apartment? But… but I haven't even been to his apartment, and I was his family!

I looked away from him and inhaled so deeply that my chest was pushed up. 

Calm, dearest Siri. 

What will a bald monk up in the mountains do in this situation? He would probably shake his bald head, wish that stupid English man a happy fucking, and pray that he would empty his balls until there was nothing left to empty. He would probably–

Say fuck it and run after him!

“Jackson!” I yelled as I left the café and ran towards the direction of his Mercedes–that looked sexy, by the way–that was still parked, but the engine was already on. “You prick, wait!” 

Was it too late? He looked like he was about to drive aw–

The driver’s door opened, and a confused looking Jackson stepped out with his eyebrows furrowed. “Siri?” 

“Yes, it’s fucking me! You don't have to call my name every time you’re confused!” 

I stopped a distance from his car, trying to catch my breath. People who passed looked at me like I'd gone, and maybe I really have. ‘Cause what the fuck was I doing?

When I could speak without my voice shaking, I said, “Don’t go.”

His expression still looked pained. “Siri, I have to.”

“No, you don’t!” I yelled, hating how my voice shook. “Your dick won’t fall off if you don't fuck tonight!”

He raked his hand through his hair, looking away from me as he tugged his hair hard. “It’s… It’s complicated, okay?”

“Jackson…” I whispered, and he fixed that expression on me again. “Do you want me to admit that I'm jealous? That I can't stand the thought of you fucking someone else? Is that… is that it?”

Something shifted in his gaze, but it was gone too fast for me to understand what it was. 

“I don’t want to do this, okay? I promise you, Siri, I really don't want to. But I have to.”

“You don't have to,” I admitted, refusing to hear reason. “Do you have a sickness that’s about to kill you if you don't fuck tonight?”

He scoffed softly, and that brief smile made something tighten in my chest. He closed his car door, the engine still on, and walked to me. He stopped three feet away from me, looking down at me with a soft look that did nothing to help the way I was feeling. 

“What happened to the ice queen that wouldn't even say my name?” he asked softly. He tried to say it like a joke, but he couldn't hide the bitterness in his voice.

“She melted,” I breathed, not bothering to hide the emotions in my voice or eyes. “She melted in a blink, Jackson.” 

“I wish she wouldn't melt now.”

“Why? So you could go out there and fuck someone else? Then come back and tell me you were thinking about me while you had her legs spread?”

His expression grew more painful, and I know I shouldn't be this harsh, but… but it hurts, okay? 

God, it fucking hurts. 

He wanted me. He said he wanted me, damn it! And now he was just going to go fuck someone else? And I'm just supposed to be okay with it? 

Yes, I've been acting cold for six days now, but I… I still… I

He took two long steps close to me, his hand reaching out, but then he clenched his fist and dropped it. 

“I have a game tomorrow, Siri,” he whispered, and I noticed there was a slight pink in his cheeks. “This is like a ritual I have to do. A ritual I can't miss.”

“That doesn't make sense, Jackson,” I whispered brokenly. 

He could no longer fight it. He raised his hand and cupped the side of my face, caressing my cheekbone with his thumb. 

“To you, it might not. But think about it: the last time I did this was the night before a game. And tonight is just the same.”

I said nothing, searching his gaze. He… he wasn't lying. “What happens when you don’t get laid?”

“I lose the game.”

I scoffed. “That sounds a whole lot like bullshit, Jackson.”

He looked like I just spat in his face. He dropped his hand. “I know. So please, excuse me while I carry on with my bullshit.”

He turned to leave. Shit, I'm losing him. 

I grabbed his hand. “Wait!” He turned to me. “Just wait, okay!”

I dropped his hand and then ran back to the café, straight into the kitchen where my boss was. 

“Stefen, I have to go!” I said in a hurry as I took off my hat and apron. “My dad just got into an accident!”

His eyes went wide. “Jesus, Siri, is–”

I was already running out. “And my house just caught on fire!”

“Good God! I’m sorry, Siri! Take tomorrow off!”

“Thank you, boss!” I yelled back as I ran out of the café, and thankfully, Jackson was still standing there. 

“Let’s go.”

He frowned. “Go where?”

“Your apartment.”