Not Ever Again

"Good evening everyone." I said faking a smile before walking over to them at the dining area to assist with serving the food but not before greeting my parents and in-laws then after I was done, I slid into the seat beside Elliot. Of course he didn't even look at me. He was too busy grinning at Mara, who was whispering something in his ear that made his lips twitch with that arrogant smile I used to think was charming.

Dinner began with the clinking of cutlery, the fake sounds of chewing and sipping, until Clara broke the silence like she always does, with her poison.

"So Elara," she began, her fork tapping against her plate as though she needed a drumroll for the insult that was about to leave her mouth. "I heard you finally got a job. Isn't that cute? Our little baby sister finally managed to find someone who would hire her."

The table chuckled. My father shook his head like it was unbelievable, like I had accomplished the most laughable thing on earth.

"Yes," I said, steadying my voice, "I'm now teaching at the university. I'm a professor."

"Ohhh," Mara dragged the word, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "A professor? At a real university? Wow, imagine that. Who knew people would actually pay to be taught by..." she looked me up and down, her eyes pausing at my arms, my stomach, my thighs, "...this."

Laughter erupted. Even my mother pressed her napkin against her lips to hide her giggle. Elliot chuckled under his breath, not even trying to hide it.

My cheeks burned but I forced a smile. "Yes, at a real university. Believe it or not, some people actually value brains more than looks."

The second the words left my mouth, I knew it was a mistake.

"Brains?" my father barked. "You think that fat head of yours is brains? Elara, don't fool yourself. They probably hired you because no one else wanted the job. That's usually how you get anything anyway, by accident."

My chest tightened. My fork froze midair.

"Daddy, don't be so harsh," Clara said sweetly. "She's trying her best, even though... let's be honest, she was never meant for big things like us. She was only meant to be the big thing." She laughed and flipped her hair, flashing her diamond bracelet like she was on some commercial.

Mara jumped in immediately. "Exactly. Elara, you really think standing in front of those students makes you anything? Please. Do they even take you seriously? Or do they laugh the second you turn your back? Because honestly, if my professor walked in looking like..." she gestured at my body with her fork, "...this, I'd never be able to focus."

Everyone laughed again. My mother shook her head, disappointed. "Elara, you should really consider losing some weight. Look at Clara, look at Mara. Don't they just look stunning? You should take notes from your sisters instead of trying to prove something you're not."

I swallowed hard. My hands trembled slightly under the table. I wanted to scream but I stayed still.

Elliot finally decided to join in, leaning back with that smug smirk that made me want to slap it off. "Well, they do have a point, Elara. You've been saying you'll lose weight for years now. And yet, here you are, still the same. You know I like a woman who takes care of herself. But what can I do? I married you, didn't I? Unfortunately I guess I'm stuck."

The laughter that followed stabbed deeper than any knife.

I stared at him, my throat dry. "You don't have to remind me every chance you get that I'm not enough for you."

The table went silent. Then my father slammed his palm against the table. "How dare you speak like that in this house? Do you have no respect? You should be grateful a man like Elliot even agreed to marry you in the first place. Do you think men like him fall from trees? Do you think you deserve better than him?"

"Yes, Dad is right," Elliot's mother chimed in. "Honestly, Elara, you should be thankful. Elliot could have had anyone. Look at Mara. Now that's the kind of woman who complements a man like him. Graceful, beautiful, not... sloppy."

Mara smiled smugly, leaning her chin against her palm as she batted her lashes at Elliot. And he didn't even deny it. He just smiled back, like he enjoyed watching me drown. I’m not even surprised by him anymore at this point.

I clenched my fists under the table, nails digging into my palms. "I am not sloppy. And I am not unworthy. I worked hard to get where I am. I don't need to look like them to prove my worth."

My mother gasped. "Listen to her! Talking back to us like she's somebody. Elara, you are nothing but a disappointment. You've always been one. You were a mistake, and you still act like one."

My vision blurred. My chest felt like it was caving in.

Clara's voice sliced through next. "Oh, don't cry now, baby sis. It's just a dinner. Why are you so sensitive? Can't you take a joke?"

"Yes, it's always the same with you," Mara added. "You act like the world is against you when really, we're just being honest. Maybe if you weren't so fat and miserable, people would actually like having you around."

"And maybe if you weren't so bitter, so fat and ugly," Elliot added, leaning closer with that low, cruel whisper, "I wouldn't have to look elsewhere for happiness."

That broke me.

But before I could even react, his mother let out a fake, pitying sigh. "Honestly, Elliot, I don't even blame you. Living with her must feel like carrying a heavy burden every single day. She drags you down. She drags everyone down."

His father chuckled, stabbing another piece of meat with his fork. "And she doesn't even try to hide it. Look at her face right now. Crying over dinner like a child. What kind of wife acts like this? What kind of woman? If she were my daughter, I'd be ashamed to even claim her."

The words stung, each syllable another knife.

"Oh don't say that," his mother continued with that smug smile. "We still claim her, don't we? Even if she doesn't fit in with us. We try to include her, but she never makes it easy. Always sulking, always insecure, always playing the victim. Maybe she should learn a thing or two from her sisters. At least they carry themselves like women of worth."

The table roared in agreement.

"And let's not forget," Elliot's father added, wiping his mouth with his napkin, "you've given my son nothing. No children. No legacy. What is a wife without that? Just an empty shell, sitting at the table, contributing nothing but complaints."

That was it. That was the final nail hammered into my chest. I would have given him children, two for that matter, if they were beaten out of me by their son. That was what I wanted to say so desperately but instead I shot up from my seat, my chair screeching loudly against the floor. Tears stung my eyes as I looked around the table at the faces of the people who were supposed to love me, supposed to protect me. My family. My husband. His family. But there was nothing there except hate, mockery, and disgust.

"I don't know why you even bother inviting me," I choked out. "If all you want to do is tear me apart. If all you want is to remind me that I'm not your perfect gem. Well congratulations, you've succeeded. You've humiliated me enough for tonight."

"Oh please," my father snapped. "Don't start with the dramatics. If you can't handle a little truth, maybe you shouldn't come at all."

"Exactly," Elliot said, leaning back with that arrogant smile. "Nobody forced you here. You could've stayed home. But no, you always want to play the victim."

I stared at him, at all of them, my tears finally spilling over. "You're right. I should have stayed home. Because being here is worse than being alone."

Without waiting for another word, I grabbed my bag and rushed out of the dining room, their laughter echoing behind me like knives slicing into my skin. I stumbled to my car, my vision blurred, my chest heavy with sobs I couldn't hold back anymore.

And for the first time in a long time, I realized that maybe Prince was right for leaving. Maybe I should have left too. Because staying here only meant slowly dying in the hands of the people who were supposed to love me the most.

I drove away with tears streaming down my face, my heart breaking into pieces, but one thought burning in my mind. I would never give them the satisfaction of watching me fall apart again. Not like this.

Not ever again.