Chapter 2-Aylin

I won’t scream, I won’t cry, I won’t beg for mercy. 

I tell myself this repeatedly, but I don’t listen to myself as I break the cuffs free and grab my hair, screaming and crying for them to stop. 

They don’t stop; they only laugh as my screams continue; not one single soul but the three vampires around me can hear me. 

Why can’t anyone hear me?

I’ve broken the cuffs free; why don’t I have my powers? Why can’t I stop them?

I sink further into myself as I throw my head back and arch my spine as I come for them. 

I try to scream at myself to stop, not to give them that satisfaction, but there’s no one there.

I scream some more as I wa-

“Allie cat! Aylin, love, wake up! Wake up! It’s only a dream,” I hear a familiar voice yell as I try to grab onto it and pull myself out of this agony. I scream again, then I feel my body lift up, and my head slams back down before my eyes fly open, and I see my father. 

This wasn’t abnormal; in the past, there were times I blasted him or Azrael off of me, still half dreaming until I realized what I’d done and scrambled out of bed to make sure whomever I hit with my magic was okay. 

“Hey, hey. Breathe. It’s okay; you’re in your own room.” Father says again as my vision doubles before I push him out of the way, running towards my bathroom. 

My mouth fills with vomit as I gag. Determined to not vomit on the floor, I portal the rest of the way, spewing as I grasp the commode for dear life. 

Why am I so weak? Why is there a part of my brain that insists on reliving that night repeatedly? That same part of my brain is determined to execute me; it’s a separate entity living in my brain. It feeds me this memory because it wants to see me fall. 

You didn’t scream until they were dead. They never heard your cries, you never begged, you didn’t enjoy it. 

I tell myself this over and over again as I try to discern reality from my nightmares. I breathe heavily as I feel hands rub my back, and I slump back, my head hitting the wall as Dad sits next to me. 

“You want to talk about it?” he asks.

It’s the same question every night this happens. Sometimes I try to get up and get myself back to bed, but right now, I’m much too dizzy, and the alcohol from earlier isn’t helping matters. But, I dignify myself with a headshake, my usual answer, as I feel my body lifted off the comfort of the cold tile of my bathroom before I’m laid back in bed. 

“I’ll get you some water,” Father says before he portals away.

My forearm flies over my sweaty forehead and eyes, my chest still heaving as I remind myself over and over again of my reality. They never saw me cry; that was a fact. The only one who saw it was Az, and that was okay. He’s seen me cry plenty, he’s seen me at my most vulnerable, and he still refuses to walk on eggshells around me.

See, hear, feel

I see my black walls, I hear my own breathing, and I feel my sheets against my back. I chant this to myself over and over as I let go of the nightmare. Father reappears with some water, and I gulp it down. 

“You alright?” Father asks me, and I nod

“Yes…I am now, thank you,” I say. I close my eyes; I know he stayed here tonight in case this happened. How pathetic; he could have been with Amara; she needed him more. Why did he even stay here? I fight back tears as I sit up and bring my head to my knees, trying to calm myself. 

So selfish you are, Aylin. Still traumatized. So selfish. 

“Aylin, Aylin, look at me,” Father commands.

My temple rests on my knee as I look at him; the concern in his eyes shreds me. He chose to stay around for his children after his mate died, and for what? This? To comfort me in my own shame? 

“Why don’t you go into the garden? Go feel the moon against your skin; I’ll go back to bed,” he says

Yeah, he says he’ll go back to bed, but once I fall asleep on the garden bench, he’ll carry me back here, just like he always does. 

But the garden does sound nice. 

I wear a modest nightgown, so I don’t need my dressing gown. I pull my covers back and head for the gardens. I blink as the cool air hits my flushed cheeks and sink into the bench. 

I will keep my mind to think of nothing, absolutely nothing, as I fall back to sleep. I tell myself it’s okay to sleep, daytime will come soon, and the light will fight away the darkness that consumes me. 

As I predicted, I’m vaguely aware as I’m lifted from the bench and tucked into my own bed, and new, untouched cold sheets meet my back. 

***

The parliament meeting is uneventful. One of the villages in the far west claims their water tastes polluted, so I’m sending a team of chemists to them. If I learned one thing, it’s that if I take any complaint from my people seriously, they’ll take me seriously. 

I don’t doubt the spokesman; the town’s water supply filter likely needs to be replaced. That’s an easy fix, and my people rarely ask for anything that might drain the court, although they could if needed. Frankly, I appreciate that he can express that need in his court.   

I’m in the middle of arranging for the chemists to go when I see Father Portal next to me. Amara must be ready to see her family again, so I conclude the business with an order to head to the far west village and address the issue. The chemist gives me no grief as he portals away. 

“Amara wants a meeting,” Father tells me; I nod.

“I’ll be there in ten minutes,” I tell him.

I finish my business here, leaving Duchess Treyciene in my place as I portal right outside my sister’s packhouse. I take a deep breath, knowing my lungs are about to be assaulted as I walk in. 

            I’m hit with his scent as soon as I enter the pack house, and I’m instantly in a bad mood. I don’t bother holding in my power; let him be scared of me. I watch as everyone except Dad and Amara tense before I pull it back, not wanting to be an arse. 

            His eyes snap to mine, realization dawning on them as he takes me in. I already hate how my body reacts to him, my heart racing as I hold his gaze. 

           I won’t be so foolish to say he wasn’t attractive. His blonde hair is free of gel today, giving it a touseled look and a part of me wonders how low the tattoos that cover his body go. I sit down and hold his gaze until he looks away. 

His eyes are on me the entire meeting, but I’m able to avoid talking to him directly until I lose my composure and bristle as they talk about their sanctuary for the abused; of course, he would be a nice person. I can’t bite my tongue as I spew venom at him. Why couldn’t he just be a monster like the rest of them and make this easy for me? 

He doesn’t do a great job holding his tongue either; I want to laugh as he slams his fist down and demands I don’t do my part with the kudde. He really doesn’t know me if he thinks I will bend to anyone’s will. 

         As soon as the meeting ends, I storm out of the room; I have to get out of there. Being in the same room as him was driving me crazy, and I needed to breathe. I exit into the garden on the side of the house; something about gardens calms me. Taking deep breaths until I growl as I scent him approaching

“What can I do to convince you I’m not like them?” he says as he stands beside me.

On instinct, I take a step back

“Nothing. It wouldn’t make a difference.” I say bluntly. I just need to find out his full name, then I will reject him. 

“And why is that?” he says, pushing my boundaries and stepping toward me. I want to cry as every part of me purrs at his proximity 

“It doesn’t matter,” I say coldly, looking to the garden, refusing to meet his stare. 

“Hmm. My mate looks at me like she would get great enjoyment out of murdering me, and you say it doesn’t matter?” he says, his fingers brushing my hair behind my ear, the sparks sending shockwaves through me. I lean into his touch against my will, and he smiles, stepping closer 

“Ah, a reaction, finally. I was wondering if you felt it at all,” he says as he runs his knuckles down my spine, making me shiver as the sparks follow in his wake, and I instantly regret wearing an open-backed dress. 

I close my eyes as he stops just above my bottom and then drags them back up and down before he lays an open palm on my hip and pulls me to him

My eyes shoot open as I’m finally yanked from the trance he had me in, and his red eyes meet mine, making me freeze. Too close, much too close. I brace my hands on his chest and push him away; I clearly have too little control right now, I’m not in the right headspace, and I just need to go. Wordlessly, I portal away, not giving him a chance to follow me. 

When I land in my room, I pull my crown off and hold myself back from ripping this damn dress off. It’s too tight; it’s restricting my breathing as much as he does. Frantically, I pull it off, and I lean my bare back on the closed door, breathing heavily. How? How did he have me so utterly locked in a trance that I couldn’t speak, couldn’t step away from him? No wonder mate bonds are so rarely rejected; every single part of me was sucked into him like he had his own gravitational pull. I must find out his name quickly before he sucks me in too deep.