Chapter 5-Damon

Well, that could have gone worse; at least I'm still breathing. The gaping hole left in my chest after she spewed venom at me and walked away disagreed, but I knew this was coming. Once she's gone, I lay there for another minute looking at the stars, begging them to grant me this one wish. A wish I didn't even know I had; I never imagined myself mated to anyone, let alone someone as divine as Aylin. I had wanted three things in my life: a comfortable and fulfilled life for my family, and then when that was no longer a possibility, to see Silas fall and make the world right for the vampires. 

But, there was no way I could let her go so easily; I do not know if it was a mercy or a damnation that I was fated to her. Mercy if she one day accepts me, damnation if she doesn't, and I live the rest of my immortal life without her. Fuck, I couldn't even imagine that. I would never be able to look at another woman, even if I did accept her rejection. I would die with her, or I would die alone. 

I swallow the lump in my throat and get my pathetic ass up. When I go inside, I find Samirah's room and knock; the guard outside her room eyeing me suspiciously. A second passes before she opens the door and lets me in. 

"Given that you look like a scorned lover, I'm going to assume things with the Queen aren't going to your liking?" she says as she sits cross-legged on her bed, her werewolf smut book next to her, lying open and face down, telling me I interrupted her before she was about to sleep.

"That's putting it nicely," I grumble before I scrub a hand down my face. "Samirah, I don't know what to do. I can't let her go, but I can't force myself on her. She rejected me, and I rejected it, but I didn't even know how to get close to her. She wants nothing to do with me," I tell her as I plop in the chair opposite her bed.

Samirah thinks for a moment before speaking.

"Well, first of all, you have to prove yourself a good man to her. Only you and I understand why we had to do the things we did, and she was a victim of that; if you’re forced to accept her rejection, that's the price you'll have to pay. Second, take her to the Haven. There's no one who understands her better than them, and they trust you. Third, don't touch her." she says, looking at me sternly.

She actually bitch slapped me when I told her what I did yesterday in the garden. It truly was stupid and inconsiderate of me; rule number one at the Haven is that you touch no one without their consent, not even if it's something as simple as touching their shoulder. I deserved it, honestly. I let my own selfish needs get in the way. After watching her react to that wolf's touch earlier, I would go out on a limb and say she doesn't like contact unless necessary. 

"And when she finds out I was leading the invasion on her castle the night she was raped?" I say

"You tell her the truth; Horace and his brothers disobeyed your orders whenever they saw her and did what they wanted, and you're not the only guilty one; I was there too. I had to hear of them killing children and not tear them to shreds. Maybe don't lead with that, though; we don't even know if she's seen a vampire since that night; it's likely you being mated to her is taking a toll on her. Just take it slow; if you've done everything you can and if you are making her suffer, accept her rejection.

"That's easier said than done," I sigh

"You're preaching to the choir, boy," she says, looking almost pained

I look at her for a long moment. She has been my only friend for almost a hundred and fifty years, and I know when something is eating at her. I know all about her human life with her late husband and son, and there's always sadness and longing when she talks about them, but this is different

"You going to explain?" I say, leaning forward

She sighs again, looking at her book before putting a bookmark in it and setting it on her nightstand, which tells me I've thoroughly annoyed her.

"I also found my mate, one of the warriors named Lake. He's much more accepting of me than your mate is of you, but…" she trails off.

"Samirah, it's been over two hundred years. You deserve to be happy and to move on. Your husband and son wouldn't want you to suffer alone any more than you already have." I tell her, knowing where this is going. 

This would be very hard for her; she's never even touched another man since she lost her husband; now, to be soul bonded with someone? Even all these years later? Did I not just declare I would have no one if I couldn't have Aylin?

"It's easy to tell myself that, but what of when I have another child? How do I not compare, or even how do I get over the guilt of feeling like I'm trying to replace Yussef?" she says as she picks at the skin around her nails, one of her nervous habits.

"Youssef will always be your firstborn, and there will never be another one of him," I tell her I'm a good listener and genuinely care, but when it comes to advice or words of wisdom, not my strong suit. She drew the short stick when she got me as a friend.

"I know, you're right. I wanted another child since I was human, but once I lost him, it just… didn't feel right. Now that it's a possibility, it's even worse." 

"Well, you are thinking a little far ahead. How do you know if the guy even wants kids? Maybe he's sterile; you never know. It might not even be a problem," I shrug.

She snorts, throwing her pillow at me.

"Have you ever met a sterile werewolf or one that didn't want kids? They're animals; it's basic biology for them to continue their bloodline."

"Anything is possible! I'm mated to the Queen of the Underworld; for all we know, it's frozen over down there at this point." 

"Lord help her if she accepts your goofy ass." she laughs before sighing heavily again. "My friend, the Goddess must be getting her sweet, sweet revenge on us for all the harm we've done to her wolves over the years." 

"You can say that again. We can only hope that the change we're about to make will be enough to compensate for our sins" I cringe.

"Nothing will ever make up for what we've done," she mutters, looking away

She's just as haunted as I am at what we've done in the name of this rebellion. Sometimes we both wondered if it was better to risk escaping and gathering rogue vampires, but we couldn't risk the Haven; if we died, everything would fall apart. We were the sole leaders, and until Silas and his reign fell, we couldn't risk it. 

Death was always looming at my doorstep; if it wasn't starvation, it was Silas finding out about my betrayal. Now we can add my gloriously murderous mate to that list. It never scared me, sometimes, I wondered if it would be a mercy to die, but I couldn't die without seeing what I've damned my soul for come to fruition. 

There were very few times I allowed myself to dream of the day Silas would fall, but now that it was right around the corner, I allowed myself a second to daydream. First, I would kill all the despicable men in Silas' army. Then we would make a world where vampires welcomed and wanted their sucklings, and I could walk through the streets where I grew up without finding the scattered dead bodies of innocents who suffered in his quest for a power he doesn't deserve. 

"Where did you go off to?" Samirah asks me, bringing me back from the clouds

"Dreaming of better days." I sigh

"They're right around the corner, old friend. Even if we die in this coming battle, Alpha Roman will ensure the vampires are cared for. If nothing else, your mate will wipe them all off the face of the Earth, which is a better fate than what they're subjected to now." she tells me.

"That's a…fucked up way of putting it, although true." I snort, getting up to leave so she can sleep

"Hey, before you go. Take this," she says, getting up and handing me a small tea pouch.

I hesitate

"You can't afford to not get restful sleep; you can go back to torturing yourself after this is over. I had to take one, too," she tells me.

I look at the dream suppressant, nodding my head. We both had horrible nightmares from the things we've witnessed and done over the century, but I deserved to relive them, so I very rarely took this, willingly anyways. A couple of times, Samirah held me down and blew the powder form in my eyes when I was delusional from lack of sleep. Never trust someone who drugged people for a living in their human life. Even though she delivered babies, she still knew her way around an herb garden. She should have been a witch, not a vampire. 

"Go. I was just getting to my first smutty scene; I told you, you can only interrupt those in an emergency. Rayhan and Delsanra are much more interesting than you; now shoo," she says as she settles back in bed with her book.

I snort at her, her and her damn book boyfriends.

"You better take some tips from there; you'll be choking on a wolf here soon enough," I say and run out before she can throw the nearest object that wasn't her book at my head.

I go down into the massive packhouse kitchen, not bothering with the lights since I have night vision, and fill the kettle with water before putting it on. I did feel better, dare I say, even a little hopeful. Samirah is the only friend I've ever had unless you count my sister, who had no choice but to put up with me, and I couldn't be more grateful for her than I am now. 

I tense when the kitchen lights turn on, and a dark and dominating energy fills the room. Ah fuck, can't I drink my drugs in peace? Maybe he'll save me from drinking them and knock me out cold; I've slept on worse than this kitchen floor; at least it's clean. Not knowing what else to do, I turn to King Armaros and bow. He waves his hand in dismissal; I hold back my smile as I remember Aylin doing the same thing in yesterday's meeting.

"Care to explain why I watched my daughter struggle to not kill you a little over an hour ago?" he says; damn, he really doesn't beat around the bush, does he? 

I resist visibly gulping before I answer.

"I rejected her rejection," I tell him; I guess we can now add her father to the list of ways I may die in the near future.

"And why would you do that?" he says as he looks at me, calculating. 

I've spent the last century calculating people, and he doesn't possess that cool, calm rage one would think he would right now; he looks like he's trying to sniff me out. I decided that if there was anyone I should have on my side, it was him. 

"She's worth more than accepting defeat right off the bat. I only ask for a chance; if my presence is still…unhealthy for her, I will accept." I say

"I'm not the one you need to ask for a chance, but I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. You wouldn't be suitable as her mate if you didn't have a will of steel and the patience of Minerva herself; you'll need it," he tells me, looking down at my mug with the tea pouch in it.

I try and hide my smile at that, I would gladly put up with all that if she gave me a chance. My hidden smile doesn't go unnoticed

"She'll be worth the effort if you ever get there. Be patient with her, but don't push her; if you tell her what to do, she'll undoubtedly do the opposite. She's been through a lot, I don't even know the true extent of what goes on in her head, and I'm closest to her out of everyone." he tells me.

Is he…is he telling me to pursue her? I look at him for a long moment and then look away, shoving back the image of his mate heavily pregnant, tied, and gagged in Silas' dungeons. I almost was made when I helped her escape. If it weren't for my talent at glamour and the soldier's weak mental shields, we would have been caught, and I would be very, very dead. Not trusting him to not have telepathic abilities, I clear my head and nod. 

"And it goes without saying, if you do anything to hurt her, Silas' torture techniques will be paradise compared to the Hell I'll show you. And that's before I let her get a turn," he says with a warm smile that chills my already cold, dead body to the bone.

"I wouldn't resist," I tell him honestly, and he, again, looks at me for a long moment before he points to my mug.

"It's more palatable if you add maple syrup. An odd trick, but it works," he says before he walks away.

I stare at the door as he leaves, with the boiling kettle screaming in my ear. What the bloody hell just happened? I flick the kettle off and pour the water in, finding maple syrup and gulping the fucked up concoction down.