Please Me

Noah's words replayed on a vicious loop inside my head.

"I had to make decisions for my future."

I couldn't breathe.

The cold night air hit my face but did nothing to cool the fire burning in my chest.

I was a decision. An option. Something to be weighed and measured, then discarded when something better came along.

I didn't realize I was crying until Herman wiped the tears off my face with the back of his hand.

His touch was surprisingly gentle, almost reverent, a stark contrast to the violence I'd witnessed from him hours before.

"Don't," he said in a low voice. "Don't you dare cry for another man in front of me. I'm the only one allowed to make you cry."

I chuckled despite myself, a broken, hollow sound that escaped before I could stop it.

I looked up at him, this stranger who had burned down the world just to keep me safe.A small smile tugging at my lips.

"Take me home, please."

Herman's eyes searched mine, dark and unreadable. "Which home, Engel? Where would that be? Back to the estate? Or back to Westphalia?”

I didn't know anymore, the house at Westphalia was a prison and his estate felt like a cage. The only home I'd ever known was the one I'd built in my letters in the words I'd poured out to a boy who never even read them.

Before I could say a word, he hooked his arms beneath my knees and lifted me off the ground.

"What are you—" I gasped instinctively, wrapping my hands around his shoulders.

"You asked to go home," he whispers in my ear "I'm taking you there."

“But….”

“Hush, Engel, and let me take care of you." He carried me through the terrace doors, back into the glittering ballroom.

The ballroom erupted in whispers as soon as we stepped in, heads turned in our direction. The string quartet faltered for a moment before resuming its melody.

I buried my face in Herman's chest, unable to face the staring crowd, but I couldn't escape Noah's voice cutting through the noise.

"Lana!"

I looked up. Noah was pushing through the crowd, his face pale, his eyes fixed on me in Herman's arms. Katherine followed close behind, her expression a mask of barely concealed fury.

"Put her down," Noah demanded, stepping into Herman's path. "Right now."

Herman didn't slow down, not bothering to even acknowledge Noah's presence. He simply walked forward, forcing Noah to stumble back or be trampled.

Noah reached out to hold Herman back. "I said put her—"

"Touch me and I'll have your hands broken," Herman said in a cold voice. "Move, Thorne."

Noah's face flushed with anger, but he stepped aside. As Herman passed him, our eyes met, and I could swear I saw a flash of guilt in them.

I hadn't expected it; I looked away, pressing my face in Herman's chest.

What use was his guilt? He was getting engaged to another, and I was the unworthy one who couldn't stand by his side.

Herman carried me through the grand foyer, past the gaping guests and out into the cold Frankfurt night.

The doors swung shut behind us, sealing away the music, the chatter, and the ghost of a boy I'd loved.

"You can put me down now," I said quietly.

"No."

"People are staring—"

"Let them." He cuts me off.

The valet opens the door, and Herman drops me into the backseat of the sleek SUV with surprising gentleness, then slides in beside me.

The door closes with a heavy thud, sealing us off from the prying eyes.

A moment later he reaches up and presses a button on the ceiling. A panel slid down, separating the driver from the back seat.

Pulling me close, he wraps his arms around my waist and presses a soft kiss to the top of my head.

It was such a tender gesture. Such a human gesture. A stark contrast to the man I'd watched slit someone's throat without batting an eye.

I closed my eyes, melting into him. I should have pushed him away demanding to be released but in that moment I welcomed the warmth he offered, letting the tears I've been holding fall.

“Shush Engel, no crying remember?” He cooded rocking me like a baby.

It felt ridiculous, a grown woman being cradled, but I didn't pull away from him.

"Tell me what you need," he murmured against my hair. "I'll give you anything, even the world. I'll give you Engel; just say the word."

"I don't need anything…I don't know…" I whispered.

"Then let me take care of you," he said again. "Close your eyes. Rest.”

I closed my eyes, laying my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

As I replayed the past few days in my head, I noticed one constant: he was the only one that stood up for me. Not my parents. Not Noah. Not the town that watched me suffer in silence.

Just him. Who everyone called a monster, this stranger. This man who had killed for me without hesitation.

Without a word, I pulled him by the collar and pressed my lips to his.

He went still for a moment, shocked but almost immediately he fisted my hair in his hand tilting my head to deepen the kiss.

He tasted like whiskey and something darker that made my head spin and my heart race.

He warmed his free hand around my waist, pulling me closer until there was no space left between us.

His fingers dug into my hip, gripping me like I might disappear if he let go.

I tangled my fingers in his silver hair, pulling him impossibly closer.

He nipped at my bottom lip, making me gasp, and with that he slid his tongue in my mouth.

I kissed him like I was drowning and he was air.

When he finally pulled back, we were both breathless.

"Engel..." He says breathlessly "Tell me what do you think you're doing.”

"What are you doing, Engel? You're hurting. You're confused. I won't take advantage of that."

I laughed—a bitter, broken sound. "You've already taken everything else from me. Why stop now?"

His jaw tightened. "This isn't a game."

"I know." Tracing the sharp line of his jaw, feeling a little bold. I pulled him closer, my lips brushing against his as I whispered, "Just make me feel something. Please. Anything other than this."

“You're playing with fire," he says, his eyes darkened even more, and he let out a low growl, kissing me again, harder this time, more desperate.

Sliding his hand beneath my dress,his ingers grazing my bare thigh, I arched into him without shame.

"Say my name," he demanded against my lips. "I want to hear it."

"Herman," I whispered his name like a prayer—or perhaps a sin.

"Again."

"Herman."

He groaned as he trailed hot kisses down my neck, his teeth grazing my neck.. "You'll be the death of me, Engel. You know that, don't you?"

"I don't care," I breathed. "Just don't stop."

He didn't.