CHAPTER 44

CHAPTER 44

EZRA

I wanted to crawl under the library table and never come out.

But Lily was staring at me with wide eyes, her hands clutching my sleeve. “Ezra. This is… this is huge.”

I groaned into my folded arms. “Stop.”

“No, I’m serious.” Her voice lowered, but her panic stayed. “You—you literally made a priest break his vow. Do you understand what that means?”

My stomach twisted. “Don’t remind me.”

Jordan leaned back in her chair, calm as always, flipping through a notebook. “Relax, Lily. He didn’t make him do anything.”

“But—” Lily’s eyes snapped to me again. “Ezra, you’re worried too, right?”

I peeked out from my arms. “Of course I’m worried. I can’t even pray without seeing his—” I cut myself off, cheeks burning.

Lily gasped. “His what?”

“Nothing.” I buried my face again.

Jordan snorted. “You’re doomed, man.”

“I know!” I shot back, sitting up, hair a mess. “I’m going straight to hell, okay? First-class ticket. No stops.”

“Ezra!” Lily swatted my arm. “Don’t joke about that.”

“I’m not joking!” I whispered harshly. “Every time I close my eyes, I remember—” My words strangled themselves. “I can’t even focus on exams. I’m done for.”

Lily leaned closer, whispering so no one else could hear. “What if someone finds out? What if Genevieve finds out?”

I froze. Just hearing her name sent a shiver down my spine.

Jordan looked between us. “She won’t.”

“How do you know?” Lily pressed.

“Because Ezra’s too much of a mess to hide anything. If someone already knew, we’d all be dead by now.”

“Not funny!” Lily hissed.

Jordan raised a brow. “It’s true.”

I dropped my head into my hands. “Why did I even open my mouth?”

Lily softened a little, putting her hand on mine. “Because you needed to tell someone.”

I looked up at her. She was serious now, her usual sparkle dimmed. “Ezra… I know you. You hold everything inside until you break. And this—this thing with Father—” She winced, whispering the word. “This is dangerous. For him and for you.”

My throat tightened. “I didn’t plan it, Lily.”

“I know.”

“It just… happened.”

She gave me a long look. “And do you like him?”

I swallowed hard. The truth hurt. “Yes.”

Lily sighed, sitting back. “Then you’re in trouble.”

Jordan leaned forward, finally putting her notebook down. “Or,” she said slowly, “he’s in trouble.”

We both looked at her.

Jordan shrugged. “Think about it. He’s the one with vows, not Ezra. Ezra’s just—”

“Just what?” I asked.

“Just a kid in love,” she said simply.

My chest squeezed. “I’m not in love.”

Lily raised a brow. “You blush every time we say his name.”

“I do not!”

“You do,” Jordan deadpanned.

I groaned. “You guys are the worst.”

“Maybe,” Lily said, softer now, “but we’re also right.”

I chewed my lip. “What am I supposed to do then? Pretend it didn’t happen? Pretend I don’t—” I cut myself off before I said want him again.

Lily sighed. “Ezra, I’m worried for you. I mean it.”

“I know.”

“You could get hurt. Or he could.”

“I know.”

Jordan tapped the table. “Or you could enjoy it while it lasts.”

Both Lily and I turned to her, stunned.

She smirked. “What? Life’s short. If this is what he wants and what you want, then stop acting like the world is ending. Just be careful.”

“Be careful?” Lily echoed. “Jordan, this isn’t some casual fling—this is a priest.”

“And?” Jordan shrugged. “Still a man.”

Her words made my stomach twist all over again. Because she was right. He was a man. A man who touched me like I belonged to him.

I pressed my hands to my face. “God, kill me now.”

Lily leaned against me, whispering fiercely, “No. God save you now.”

Jordan leaned back again, calm as ever. “Or God just looks the other way. He does that sometimes.”

I peeked at her through my fingers. “You’re evil.”

***********

I was just walking.

Minding. My. Business.

That’s all I wanted to do—get into church, drop off Genevieve’s stupid sheet music, and leave before I had a meltdown thinking about him again.

But apparently, God had other plans.

Because the second I walked past the vestry, a strong hand grabbed my wrist and yanked me inside.

I almost screamed.

My heart was in my throat, my knees weak, and I thought, This is it, Father Nico finally got me.

“Ezra,” a low voice breathed.

I blinked, chest heaving. “Father—”

But it wasn’t Nico.

It was him.

Dorian.

I sagged against the door in relief. Then panicked all over again because—well, because it was him.

“Wh—what are you doing?” I stammered.

His eyes were wild, darker than the storm clouds outside. “I tried to stay away.”

That should’ve been my cue to run. Instead, I whispered, “And?”

“And I can’t.”

Before I could breathe, his mouth was on mine.

Hot. Hard. Desperate.

I whimpered against his lips, my hands useless at my sides. My brain was screaming sin, sin, sin, but my body was already arching into him, already craving more.

“Dorian,” I gasped when he pulled back for air.

“Say it again.” His thumb pressed against my jaw, tilting my head back.

“Dorian,” I whispered, and his pupils blew wide like I’d just recited scripture.

The next thing I knew, I was against the vestry wall, his broad shoulders crowding me in. His mouth devoured mine again, swallowing every sound I made.

Then—oh God—his hand slid down.

“Wait—what are you—”

“Shh,” he growled, kissing me harder. “Let me.”

My knees buckled when his fingers slipped past my waistband, teasing, searching.

“F—Father,” I gasped, trying to catch his wrist, but I was trembling so badly I had no strength.

He smirked against my lips. “Not Father. Not here. Just Dorian.”

“Dorian—” My protest turned into a strangled moan when his fingers finally pressed where I was already aching.

I bit down on his shoulder to keep from making noise.

He hissed. “No. Give me your mouth.”

And then he was kissing me again, swallowing every broken sound as his fingers worked me open. Slow at first, maddening, then faster when my body betrayed me and started moving against his hand.

“God,” I gasped into his mouth.

“You think He’s listening right now?” Dorian murmured, voice wicked. His fingers curled, and my eyes rolled back. “Because I don’t care.”

“Stop—stop saying things like that,” I begged, even as my hips jerked forward, shameless.

“Why?” He kissed me harder, teeth dragging my lower lip. “You like it.”

“I—no—I—”

“Ezra.” My name came out like a prayer and a curse at once. His forehead pressed to mine, his breath ragged. “You’re shaking.”

“Because—because—oh God—”

His lips cut me off again, his tongue deepening the kiss while his fingers worked me mercilessly.

I clutched his cassock, gasping into his mouth. I was going to break apart. I could feel it.

“Dorian—please—”

“Please what?” he demanded, voice dark.

“Please—don’t stop,” I whispered, shame burning through me.

And that was it. That was the moment he kissed me like he was drowning, kissed me so hard my head spun, while his fingers pushed me straight to the edge.

I broke in his hands, in his mouth, in his arms—my body convulsing, my sounds muffled by his lips, my entire world shattering in sinful bliss.

When it was over, I slumped against him, boneless, trembling.

He pulled his hand free, breathing hard, and kissed my temple like it was some kind of blessing.

“You drive me insane,” he whispered.

I hid my face in his chest. “This is wrong.”

“I know.” His thumb brushed my cheek, tender after all that filth. “But tell me to stop, Ezra. Tell me and I will.”

I opened my mouth. The words stop and sin were there, waiting.

But what came out instead was a soft, wrecked, “Don’t.”

His groan shook against my lips.

And in that moment, I knew I was ruined.