CHAPTER 4

LILIAN ROSEFORTH POV

Hearing his answer, my heart felt even heavier and angrier inside my chest. I looked straight into his eyes, trying so hard to see if he was telling the truth or just making up excuses like he always did, but his eyes looked watery, full of sadness and pain, exactly like he was truly hurt and miserable. Yet, despite seeing his pain, my own suffering and exhaustion overpowered my sympathy and patience completely.

For months I had swallowed every complaint, wiped every tear silently, and endured everything believing that someday things would get better, believing that he was really trying his best just like he promised me every single day.

But month after month passed, and absolutely nothing changed at all. We remained poor, struggling, hungry, and miserable, and Gabriel remained exactly the same—jobless, helpless, and completely dependent on me for everything.

"Suffering just like me?" I repeated loudly and bitterly, laughing mockingly and shaking my head in deep disappointment and frustration. "Gabriel don't you dare compare your situation with mine! You go out, walk around, and get rejected... yes I know! But after you come back home, you rest comfortably, eat whatever food I prepared, sleep peacefully and warmly, and wake up the next morning fresh and strong again! What about me?! I wake up at four every morning, prepare everything, walk for almost an hour just to reach my workplace, work continuously for fourteen to sixteen hours straight standing on my feet, lifting heavy loads, smiling forcefully to rude customers, and listening to insults and humiliations from everyone around me non-stop! Do you know my feet are swollen, bruised, and bleeding almost every single day?! Do you know my hands are rough, dry, and full of wounds and scars?! Do you know that every night when I finally lie down to sleep, my whole body hurts so terribly that I cry silently under my blanket because I feel like my bones are breaking apart?!"

I stepped closer to him, raising my trembling hands showing him my rough, scarred, and dirty hands right in front of his face, tears rolling down my cheeks endlessly and dropping onto my own hands.

"Look at these hands Gabriel!" I screamed painfully and angrily, my voice cracking and shaking violently. "These hands used to be soft, smooth, and beautiful! Carlos used to kiss them and treat them gently like precious treasure! But now?! Look at them! They are rough, ugly, and dirty! Everyone looks at my hands and laughs at me! They call me a beggar woman, a laborer, and a maid! They say I look old, ugly, and dirty just because I work myself to death every single day just to feed you and keep us alive! And you?! Look at your hands... smooth, clean, soft, and well taken care of! You never lift a finger to help me, you never do heavy work, you never even wash your own clothes! Everything is done and prepared by me! You are living like a king while I am living worse than a slave Gabriel!"

Gabriel stood there pale and trembling, looking at my hands with deep sorrow and guilt written clearly all over his face, tears falling freely from his eyes as well. He tried reaching his hand toward mine wanting to touch and hold them gently, but I immediately pulled my hands away violently and harshly, refusing to let him touch me.

"Don't touch me!" I shouted sharply and coldly, looking at him with eyes full of anger and hatred. "I am sick and tired of everything Gabriel! I am exhausted, I am hurt, and I am slowly dying inside! I married you thinking I found someone who truly understands me, someone who will share everything equally with me, someone who will help me and stand beside me through thick and thin! But look at our life now! I am doing everything! I am paying the rent! I buy food! I pay electricity and water bills! I wash clothes! I clean the house! I cook! I work outside! I do absolutely everything alone while you stand there doing nothing, saying sweet words, and promising things you never fulfill! What exactly is your role as my husband Gabriel?! You don't provide money! You don't provide protection! You don't provide comfort or happiness! All you give me are empty promises, sweet words, and more problems and burdens!"

"Do you know what everyone says about me and you?!" I continued screaming loudly and painfully, unable to stop myself anymore after holding everything inside for so long. "Everywhere I go, people laugh at me! My colleagues say I am stupid and crazy! They say I married a useless good-for-nothing man who only knows how to eat and sleep! They say I am your maid and ATM machine, working hard just to support a lazy husband who will never amount to anything in life! Even my own relatives and friends tell me clearly everyday—'Lilian you dug your own grave! You chose this miserable life yourself! You deserve all the pain and suffering because you are foolish enough to marry a penniless man like him! You will remain poor, miserable, and unhappy forever!' "

Gabriel lowered his head completely, his shoulders shaking and trembling violently as he cried silently listening to my cruel painful words. His hands were tightly clenched into fists, and his face was full of pain and despair as if every single word I spoke stabbed him deep inside his heart.

"I hear them everyday Lilian..." Gabriel whispered painfully and brokenly, his voice low, trembling, and full of sorrow. "I hear people talking and laughing about us wherever I go. I hear them calling me useless, lazy, good-for-nothing, and a parasite living on my wife's sweat and hard work. I hear them saying I am a burden to you, and that you would have lived a much better and happier life if you never met or married me. Every single word they say hurts me deeply, Lilian... it hurts me more than anything else in this world... because deep inside my heart... I know everything they say is true..."

He slowly lifted his head and looked straight at me with tearful eyes full of sadness and self-hatred.

"I am useless Lilian..." Gabriel admitted painfully and softly. "I am weak, incapable, and completely hopeless... exactly like everyone says. I promised you I will protect you, provide for you, and make you happy... but look at what I did instead... I dragged you down into misery and poverty! I brought nothing into your life except pain, suffering, and shame! I watch you working yourself to death everyday, I watch you crying silently and suffering alone... and I can't do anything to help or change our situation! I try my hardest... truly I do... but every door closes on my face, every opportunity slips from my hands, and I remain exactly the same—poor, helpless, and worthless! You are right Lilian... everything you said is completely right and true... I am the worst husband any woman could ever have, and you deserve so much better than me..."

Hearing him speaking like this, admitting everything and blaming himself completely, my anger suddenly turned into deep sadness, pity, and pain. My knees became weak, and I slowly slid down onto the cold floor crying loudly and bitterly, burying my face into my hands. Gabriel immediately knelt down beside me, wrapped his arms tightly around me, pulled me close against his chest, and let me cry all my pain and frustration out. He gently stroked my hair, wiped my tears, and whispered softly and painfully near my ears.

"Leave me Lilian..." Gabriel whispered sadly and brokenly, his tears dropping onto my face and hair. "You are young, beautiful, hardworking, and kind... you have so much potential and good qualities... you deserve a comfortable life, luxury, happiness, and everything beautiful in this world. You shouldn't be stuck here suffering and struggling with a hopeless man like me. Leave me and go find someone worthy of you, someone who can treat you like a queen and give you everything you truly deserve. I won't hate you, I won't blame you, and I won't stop you... because I know I am nothing but a heavy chain dragging you down and stopping you from reaching your happiness and success..."

Hearing him saying these words made my heart ache even more painfully, and immediately I pushed him away violently and stood up angrily looking at him furiously.

"So now you want me to leave you?!" I shouted loudly and furiously, looking down at him kneeling on the floor. "Gabriel are you even serious?! When everyone left me, betrayed me, and humiliated me... you were the only person who stood beside me! You were the one who asked me to marry you and promised me forever! You swore you will never leave me or abandon me no matter what happens! And now when things become hard and difficult, you tell me to leave you?! You think leaving and running away is the solution?! You think if I leave you everything will be fine and perfect?! You are wrong Gabriel! Even if I leave you, my heart and mind will always be full of guilt and regret knowing that I left you behind just because we became poor and miserable! I am not like Carlos or those women who left you just because you lost your wealth and status! I stayed with you because I truly loved you and believed in you! I stayed because I promised to be with you through everything!"

I wiped my tears harshly and looked at him determinedly and firmly, even though my heart was hurting and breaking into pieces.

"I am not leaving you Gabriel!" I declared strongly and loudly. "I married you for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health! Even though I am angry, hurt, and disappointed... I am not leaving you! I am not like them! I won't leave you just because life became hard! But listen carefully Gabriel... this is your very last chance! If within the next three months you still remain like this—useless, jobless, and completely dependent on me... then I swear to you... I will really leave you and never look back again! I am willing to suffer and struggle together with you, but I am not willing to carry you on my back forever and be your slave for the rest of my life!"

Gabriel stood up slowly from the floor, looking at me with a mixture of sadness, relief, and deep emotions shining inside his dark eyes. He nodded slowly and solemnly, holding my hands gently and tightly.

"I understand clearly Lilian..." Gabriel whispered softly and sincerely. "Thank you for giving me another chance and for staying with me despite everything... I promise you... I will definitely change everything within these three months. I will find work, I will earn money, and I will become a man worthy of you and worthy of being called your husband. I swear to you Lilian... I won't let you down again..."

But despite his promises and determination, life continued becoming harder and more painful day after day. Just few days after our big argument, I faced yet another huge trouble and humiliation that almost destroyed me completely.

It was my birthday, the day I turned twenty-six years old. Since morning I secretly hoped and wished that Gabriel would remember this special day and at least prepare a simple surprise or sweet words for me, but the whole day passed normally and he didn't say anything or even show any sign of remembering. He left early morning saying he would search for job opportunities, just like usual, and returned late afternoon empty-handed and looking disappointed and tired. He didn't bring me flowers, didn't buy me gifts, didn't even wish me a happy birthday, and acted completely like it was just any ordinary day—I tried comforting myself saying.

'He is stressed and worried about our living conditions, of course he forgets small things like birthdays and celebrations. He loves me, and that is more important than gifts or celebrations anyway' But when evening came, my worst nightmare returned and hit me harder than ever before.

While I was working my evening shift at the restaurant, serving food and drinks to customers, suddenly I heard loud familiar voices laughing and talking near the entrance. When I turned my head and looked there, my whole blood ran cold instantly and my heart dropped heavily down into my stomach.

Carlos and Leah walked inside the restaurant hand-in-hand, looking incredibly wealthy, happy, and perfect. Carlos was wearing an expensive tailored suit, shining watch, and gold accessories everywhere, while Leah was dressed in beautiful silk clothes covered with expensive jewelry and high heels. Behind them followed a group of rich friends and family members, chatting happily and smiling broadly.

As luck would have it, they were seated exactly in my assigned section, and I had no choice but to serve them myself. My hands were shaking uncontrollably, my heart beating fast and painfully, and my legs felt heavy and weak as I slowly walked toward their table holding my tray tightly.

"Oh my..." Leah suddenly spoke loudly and exaggeratedly the moment she saw me approaching them, covering her mouth with her hand pretending to be shocked and surprised, but her eyes were full of mockery and amusement. "Look who we have here everyone! Isn't this our dear Lilian? The poor girl who used to dream so big and thought she could become rich and wealthy just by loving and supporting a man!"

Everyone immediately turned their eyes toward me and burst into loud mocking laughter, looking me up and down with cruel and disdainful eyes. They looked at my simple uniform, my rough hands, tired face, and messy hair, and shook their heads laughing cruelly.

"My goodness Lilian..." Carlos spoke slowly and coldly, looking at me exactly like he used to, with eyes full of disgust and arrogance. "You look even worse and poorer than the last time I saw you! You look old, tired, and dirty... completely different from the clean and neat girl I used to know and date before. It seems like marrying another poor useless man really destroyed your appearance and dignity completely huh?"

"Of course!" Leah laughed loudly and cruelly, smiling victoriously and proudly at me. "Didn't you know darling? She married a completely penniless jobless man who has absolutely nothing! He lives off her earnings, stays home doing nothing, and makes her work like a slave everyday just to feed him! She exchanged a rising successful man like you for a beggar man who brings absolutely nothing except poverty and shame! She is truly determined to be poor and miserable for her entire life isn't she?"

"She is really foolish and stupid!" One of Carlos' friends spoke loudly and mockingly. "She wasted five years of her youth, money, and hard work supporting Carlos, and the moment she was discarded she immediately found another man to serve and support! She is born to be a slave and servant isn't she? She belongs exactly where she is... serving people, cleaning messes, and living a dirty poor life!"

"Exactly!" Carlos nodded his head agreeing happily and smiling cruelly at me. "She was born poor, she thinks poor, and she acts poor... no matter how hard she tries or how much she dreams, she will never be able to change her destiny or status! She belongs down there... struggling, suffering, and serving others! That is exactly her place and her fate in life!"

He paused and looked straight into my tearful eyes, speaking even crueler and harsher words directly piercing deep into my heart.

"You know Lilian..." Carlos sneered coldly and mockingly. "Sometimes I really feel sorry for you. You worked hard for me, gave me everything you had, and supported me faithfully... and yet when I succeeded, you had nothing to gain and everything to lose. And now you are doing exactly the same thing all over again! Working hard, sacrificing everything, and giving everything you have to another useless hopeless man who will never succeed or become rich! You are the most pitiful creature I have ever known... born to give everything and get absolutely nothing in return! You are nothing but a tool used by men to reach their success and happiness, and then discarded instantly afterward!"

"Just like your birthday today..." Leah interrupted smiling sweetly and maliciously. "You are twenty-six years old now Lilian... look at you... you have nothing to celebrate, nothing to be proud of, and absolutely nothing beautiful in your life! You don't have wealth, status, beauty, or even happiness... you are truly empty and worthless inside and out! Another year passed and you remain exactly the same... poor, miserable, and pathetic! And trust me... you will always remain exactly like this forever and ever..."

They all laughed loudly and cruelly again, throwing more insults and hurtful words one after another, humiliating me publicly right in front of everyone inside the restaurant, treating me exactly like I was a dirty invisible object or worthless animal rather than a human being with feelings and dignity.

I stood there trembling violently, tears falling freely from my eyes, my heart breaking completely and turning cold and numb. Every single word spoken by them hurt me deeper and more painfully than any physical wound or injury I ever experienced in my whole life.

They reminded me exactly of everything I lost, everything I suffered, and everything I endured day after day, and they made me realize painfully and clearly... that despite everything I did, everything I sacrificed, and everything I endured... to this cruel world... I was absolutely nothing, completely worthless, and totally insignificant...

And the worst part was... everything they said seemed completely true and real...

 TO BE CONTINUED